My boyfriend keeps texting his ex, what should I do?

Its a bit hard to explain, they never dated but they fucked while him and i were on a break, i have been with him for 3 years now and throughout those 3 years he has constantly been texting, talking and going out with her behind my back, i hoped that now, after we have been separated for 6 months he might stop, but no. Whenever he opens his phone her name pops up, he started deleting and archiving the messages, he doesn't flirt with her or anything but i want the girl out of his life for obvious reasons (she's in love with him, and they had a history and she has been up in my relatahionship for 3 fucking years)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's holding on to her in case you two take a "break" again. Breaks are stupid. Only half of the relationship ever wants a "break" and the other half is left scared out of their minds that the one wanting a "break" will leave them when they find someone else. If he wanted the break he is keeping that girl as a side piece just in case. If you wanted the break it's his coping mechanism. If you both wanted the break, congratulations. Y'all have found a way to cheat on each other without calling it cheating.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to talk to him about it. Tell him you find it disrespectful to your relationship and you wish he would put an end to it. Even if he is not flirting with her, it seems he is keeping her on the back burner which probably means he doesn't have much faith in your relationship. Or he's the kind of guy who only wants what he can't have. Did he 'chase' you while you were separated? If so, the wanting what he can't have theory is most likely. Also, him deleting the messages sounds like he has something to hide. If he doesn't change it I would put an end to the relationship.

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    • We have talkes about her for years on end, he never stops texting her , and no he did not chase me while we were seperated

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    • Ok, if it was his idea I was going to say don't even bother trying anymore. I think you're going to just have to give him an ultimatum. Tell him if he continues texting her you have to end the relationship. Ask him how he would feel if it was vice versa. I know it may be hard to end it if he doesn't change, but you will find a guy who is only committed and invested in you.

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What Guys Said 58

  • LOL YOUR 17 AND BEEN DATING SOM1 FOR 3 YEARS? Damn you started early. Here's some advice.

    Break up with him and wait another 3 years before dating again

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  • I will be completely honest with you. In my opinion I think he is continuing his relationship with her. Personally I would have no tolerance of this, no ultimatum just go on a break and you will find out who he really wants to be with.

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  • My gut reaction is, you need a boyfriend who will be faithful, not a boyfriend who keeps another available on the side. I fear that you will have to dump him and move on, eventually. Maybe sooner is better than later.

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  • Most likely he's talking to her behind your back coz he's worried you might start suspecting of cheating since they had sex previously. It'll be more sensible to talk to him straight up and get the truth. And if you still feel like he's hiding something, then you can happily leave him, if you like.

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  • Honestly that is so disrespectful on many levels. It’s time to gice the ultimatum to quit or get the boot. In all honesty I might just leave cause if he is willing to do that to you knowing how it hurts u then he is selfish and doesn’t care.

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  • You love him so much that u ignoring his betrayal... do he know u r getting hurt by his doings? What u feel about it? You should talk to him and share u feelings... if he really loved u he will stop or if u not want to get hurt leave him and ask him to decide between u 2 ladies...

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  • This guy is no catch. He doesn't know how to treat you with respect.

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  • You've been on break for 6 months. The relationship is pretty much over at that point. The best thing to do then is to let him know it's actually over and let him deal with his ex.

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  • You will do whatever you want to do. This is just an illusion that you will listen to some anonymous person who doesn't even know you and your boyfriend.

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  • That's not fair. he is still not ur if his body is with u & his mind and heart is with ex.. he wants to catch the new train but does not want get out of the previous train and cahnge the station.. how do u think he is going to catch the train.. he can by one train at a time, so as to have a comfortable journey.

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  • You need to speak up... communication is big in a relationship... so if you don’t say nothing, he’ll just keep doing it & it will piss you off. And if you do mention it to him, & he doesn’t stop... then you need to leave his dumb butt. You are his future...& anybody focused on their future should not be going back to their past, period.

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  • I think it's not wise to pursue your boyfriend since he clearly hasn't got over her ex. From what you said her ex clearly is attached to him. I would had break up if my SO fucked behind my back with her ex. Nope.

    But you should talk to him and clearly state your point that you clearly aren't comfortable at all with this and hope for the best. Honestly, such situations doesn't end well

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  • Ummm u need to du. p his ass and find someone that will respect u , why r u selling. ypurself short to someone that is selfish and only thinks of themselves?

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  • So much to handle for a 17 year old. I wished my relationship at 17 was this complicated

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  • You could be a bitch and demand he stops but that could push him away. Maybe calmly ask him why if he denies it then I'm sorry move on he won't stop at that point he thinks there's something better or maybe just likes the chase get him to answer you

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  • If its behind your back, not acceptable. If he is honest about hanging with her, acceptable

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  • Honestly I think you’d be better off without him, because he doesn’t seem to respect you that much.

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  • Talk to him, ask him the reason for their breakup, and ask him the reason why he's with you... don't be afraid, when the time comes you need to take hard decision, don't hesitate

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  • Send his ass down the road your worth way more than this. You deserve a man who loves and cherishes only you. A man who wouldn't dare do anything to lose you. Do it now.

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  • He needs to stop that shit right now... And respect you.
    He would not like it at all if you were doing it. If he won't respect your feelings... It's time for a new boyfriend

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What Girls Said 35

  • A girl isn’t going to just send guys messages for that long without the guy playing equal part. Get out now, he doesn’t respect you and he isn’t in love with you.

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  • Dump his ass. He's getting nothing of you and you're getting none. If she's been "there" for 3 years, that's unacceptable. If he loved you completely, there wouldn't be room for her. Sorry. He'll say he lives you, but live doesn't treat people like that. You deserve so much more!

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  • Oh my goodness, girl, please leave him. That is so fucking wrong. Even if you’re in love with him and have been with him so long that it’s hard to think about really ending things with him, it’s really not a healthy relationship. You’re being unfair to yourself if you stay in this relationship. What they’re doing isn’t right in the slightest, but if they’re not going to change then you need to find somebody who will love you and be just as loyal to you as you are to him. You deserve that.

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  • If she is able to go in between u two... they maybe ur relationship is not strong enough...
    Maybe the problem is not her... but u 2

    I mean she is living her life... love is blind...

    The same way u love him though he is making u feel cheated

    She is loving him though he have a girlfriend

    Solutions
    Make him happier?
    Make him need u more?
    Do thinks he enjoy?
    I don't know... just dont give too much that u forget about urself

    Or be so selfish that only he give

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  • Leave him, he's obviously too immature to take your feelings seriously. Do yourself a favor and leave for good. You are young and beautiful, if he don't want to respect you qnd your relationship then the next guy will. That would be taking the higher road, which i suggest... But if you want him to feel how you feel, start talking to one of your Ex's everyday, just as friends of course. Lol.

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  • Honestly... You're 17. In a few years you'll wonder why you waited so long to start exploring the real world of men... 😉

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  • Girl if a guy cannot decide between you and his ex and he is always going back to her it means he loves her not you. It means you need to let him go. Of you were on break and instead of coming to you and he wentvto fuck her. What is the point of this relationship anymore if you even want to call it that. Fuck him. You deserve so much better im sure. Just take up the courage to call it quits and be done with it.

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  • Talk about a nice guy or a nice man. Pretend you do not know it you do. Play it innocence and see if he has a jealous reaction or could not even bother. Then dress all over a sudden a bit sexy or a bit makeup as if you want to look good for someone. And see if he get's suspicious and get a bit jealous. I am just curious about his reaction if you would do that. Just pretend you like somebody. Perhaps on your phone is all of a sudden a nice picture of a man. Yust be creative. And fake it very good.

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  • I don’t tolerate people who do things behind my back or lie or cheat, so my advice is to leave him

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  • You need to break up with him girl !!! Now I don't care if you dated him for 10 days if he is cheating behind your back you need to let him go

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  • Talk to him about it. If he still can’t leave her alone then it’s not worth your time. she can have his little dirty ass. If she's saying some slick shit trying to get him that’s a big fat fucking no. So at the end of the day it’s you or that hoe lol. He does not respect you and if he knows how you feel about her why is he taking the chance of losing you where is his heart really. She was a pice of ass that he got when y’all we going through it. I’m sorry but a brake is just to take time see what y’all really want and where it’s going not to go fuck the first bitch that opens her legs. I would let his ass go you can find a man that will love and respect don’t let have his cake and eat it to put your big girl panties on and move on to find me right. It’s not going to get better mad you don’t need to be hurt more then you are now

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  • Next time he's texting her start blowing him come and look up at him and say tell her I said hi

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  • You’ve been separated aka broken up for 6 months. He can do what he wants. And he’s clearly choosing her not you.

    You should walk away.

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    • We are not seperated rn, we are dating, please read the whole thing

  • He obviously still wants her
    I had the same problem with my now husband i just told him it was her or me and he told her he couldn’t talk to her again because it wasn’t fair on me.

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  • Ask him to stop because it bothers you, if he doesn't dump him there's no reasom he can't/shouldn't it's a bitch move

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  • If you love him, but this bothers you... You could give him an ultimatum. You or her? And if he wants her, leave him for someone better.

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  • Rock in a hard place.
    What about the relationship do you enjoy?

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    • I don't know, ssome times i do and sone times i dont

    • I went on a break kinda. And the dude forgot. Well it wasn't called a break but he said he was busy couldnt handle a girlfriend atm and maybe we could get back together later... Liek what a wuss break up wtf?

  • I think that you should talk to your boyfriend, or better yet, tell the one who fucked him. One of them will probably do something.

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  • Well, if she loves him and you love him. Let them do it or have a threesome, nothing wrong their cause it works both ways.

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    • I don’t think she wants to have sex with the ex

    • Oh sh*t sorry i didn't read properly. I mean he's stupid for even thinking or going back to his ex in the first place and girl you can do way better obviously. No way he wants to change. Did you confront him about it? When yous were together, i mean.

  • wait you said they never dated but they went ''out''?

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