I'm just hurt my ex stomped all over my heart again. When does this pain end??

OK well to start out... I am 28. When I met my ex wife when I was 19, she was 15. We dated for four years and got married in 2005 when she was 19 and I was 23.. we had a perfect wedding. well I worked as a diver at The Mayan, and got fired for throwing a party after hours.. dumb? yes I know. but me and four other guys got fired. I then got a job as a security supervisor, I have been there 5 years now.. that was in 2005 til now. well two years after we got married we talked and decided we wanted to have a baby together.. we had a beautiful baby girl. when my daughter was two.. in 2009 last year... by the way I work 14 hour night shifts... I came home and my cousin was at the house that I was buying and trying to have a perfect family... I know for a fact she slept with him! I packed my stuff and left... well, I went forth and got a divorce... in August of 2009. I loved her so much. To this day I don't know how to not love her.. even after what she did. Well I started seeing other girls.. one I met off craigslist dumbly, and she turned out to be a freak after 4 months, and another I met off facebook, and she is pretty familiar with all my family, we just never met for some reason.. Well we met and started getting serious with each other.. well my ex wife comes into the picture and says our daughter would be happier if we were together again.. so she then asked "have you been with anyone since we divorced..?" I was the dumbest man on the planet an lied! well turns out, she was asking because she hacked my fb, and found out about that girl... well so I texted the girl and she called me, I asked her please please! tell her all the fb messages were just a joke! so I guess my ex, being the snake she is, convinced my little 19 year old girlfriend to tell it.. and she finally gave in and said yeah I slept with him. so my ex knows everything. the messages were graphic anyways, no denying them! But so I stop talking to 19 yo. and I try fixing my family, after I took my ex out.. bought her new shoes, paid her phone bill, took her out to eat... she turns around and says " _____ I don't really trust you, plus my emotions are all up in the air, I don't want to try again!" so there it is, she could have at least told me before I spent all that money! plus I found out it was my cousin who broke it off with her and she was trying to get him back... well all that happened in two weeks when I stopped talking to 19 yo. well 19 yo girlfriend text me and says "did everything work out for you?" and sorry and what not.. well I texted her back no it didn't that my ex just played me... well this girl is like madly in love with me.. we are talking again, she is a really nice girl and I just am stuck, I feel so hurt from my ex... This girl seems to be supporting me in ways she can.. she thinks of me often, never asks for money and has actually bought me Iron man 2, new converse, paid for my $20 haircut twice.. bought my daughter expensive outfit. I'm just hurt my ex stomped all over my heart again


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow. Sounds like you've been through hell. I'm sorry. When reading this, I sort of cringed when you said you asked the 19yo to lie and say you two hadn't been together. I'm sure you know now that it was a mistake, though. Your ex wife sounds awful but I know how it is when they can do nothing but mess with you and you still love them. I think that's the bottom line. You still love your ex wife. You sound like you need some time to work through that still. And that's ok! You're only human. As for the 19yo, I'd let her know honestly how you feel. TELL HER you need time. That you're confused. That you don't really know what you want. She sounds like a kind person and she deserves the truth. But I would NOT go back to your ex wife. I'm sorry and as crazy as this sounds, I understand how bad it hurts. If I had to tell you one thing and one thing only is: be honest with everyone about everything, including yourself. You need a woman in your life that's not only great for you but someone who can also be great for your daughter. But most importantly, you need to be the kind of man that you respect and your daughter can respect. Lying isn't going to get you there. Take some time for yourself. Let everyone know the truth. Even tell your ex wife how she hurt you and how disappointed you are. As long as you set things straight, you'll eventually end up where you want to be.

    • I totally agree with her answer. Sounds like your ex is just a bitch. She has burned you not ONCE, but TWICE. It's time to do some soul searching. You have a little girl that needs a happy daddy. :)

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    • At the first 4 years she would be like "oh you look good today", or "you look handsome" just never sexy or anything more... while my ex treats me like I'm nothing! I also don't know how to get the girlfriend to stop being nervous by me.. like she gets around me and everything I ask she says "I don't know" and I laugh at her, she says its all my fault that I do that to her? while we were broke up she was on a date, saw me, got nervous, threw her food away and walked out! I dn't know why she is so nervous

    • I cringed because I'm imagining it from the 19yo's view point. She obviously cares about you and to have a guy call and ask that I lie we ever were together when you have feelings about you would be a low blow. Even if it was to save his as* from his evil ex. It does put things into perspective more when you say the 19yo was going through a divorce but I still believe she truly has feelings for you and would like a relationship.

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  • I believe that's why she gets nervous around you. She likely just has such a strong attraction to you she doesn't know how to act. I'd stay friends with her but don't put her through any heartache. If you do, she'll grow to resent you. For example, when you asked her to lie to you ex that you two were ever together. Even if she said it was fine I'm guessing a small part of her was thinking, "wow, I wish he'd just stand up to this woman and tell her he cares about me."


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