Is my ex trapped by a rebound?

Hey guys- this seems pretty random to be asking this, but I broke up with my ex (my decision) about 10 months ago. I am fairly concerned as I still care for him. We don't have any point of contact now pretty much only through other people. we broke up due to the women he is with now was chasing him even when he wasn't interested. She picked him when he was vulnerable after an argument we had. From this point he has been drinking a lot, just seems wasted on weed and booze. Since we broke up this hasn't really changed much. He was always a bit weed smoker but never drank much. I've heard he has tried walking out on his current girlfriend several times, he has told people he can't drink in the house cos she doesn't drink, he can't go out unless she allows him. he loves going out with his dog and he ain't even allowed to do that without her permission but its OK for her to slip off out and leave him with her kids. he got with this women right after our 2 half year relationship and showed no interest in her wen we were together. was this a rebound at the start? and now he's trapped hence the drinking? or is he missing what he used to have with me? I'm gutted we don't talk at all as we aren't allowed because of his girlfriend she just throws abuse if I even try and contact him.

it just seems she has manipulated him into someone else since we broke up. hope you can shed some light thanks


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What Guys Said 2

  • This is one of those sad cases where it's not really up to you what happens from here; it sounds like he's a very hurt and conflicted person and he wants to get out of the relationship, but there's little you can do to help him as hurt and depressed people tend to shrug off input from others. They need to act on their own most of the time for it to work. I don't really understand why you broke up in the first place though, you didn't specify who broke up with who, just that his current girlfriend (who is 100% a toxic and abusive partner by the sound of it) was chasing him. If he broke up with you then it's up to him to get himself out of the mess he's gotten himself into, and he's probably going to need therapy to deal with some of his issues. If you broke up with him, I'd rethink for the next time what a good reason to break up with someone is.. if someone's interested in your partner that's no fault of theirs, and you should be supportive instead of pushing them away from you. As far as practical advice goes I'd talk to your friend. This girl can throw all the abuse she wants, if you say what needs to be said to him and he's brave enough to do what he wants and get out of that relationship, it'll be the last thing she ever says to him and she'll be left alone with her toxicity. THIS IS KEY, the only power people like that have is the power people in their life give them. If the people leave they have no power. This is a complicated issue and I could write all day about it. Think about what I said, you can do some things to try and move him to action but ultimately it will rest with him. Good luck.

    • Thanks there sum rele good points you made. well I broke it off due to arguments and he was getting involved with this women texting and they had apparently kissed when he was drunk at new years. because I was getting mixed storied from himself and this women I just told him I was out of here. and apparently he's tried getting away from her for ages left her about 4 times in this space of time. his dad feeels she has planned all this and has a hold over him hence why he keeps going back to her

    • Well that makes sense, it's not often someone knows exactly what to do when a situation like that happens to them. Your guy seems to be lacking confidence if he can't get away from his girl. Like I said earlier he has to just kind of get it done, you can give him advice but he needs to make the decision himself and realize he *can* get away from her in order for it to work. Having someone to talk to may help him, he sounds very alone right now and it's hard to make good choices when like that.

  • Well, he needs to get out of that. But he has kids, which makes a total difference. I honestly don't know what to tell you. It's not right, but what can be done?

    • There not his kids though there hers. I know its a total shame. I could help him but I'm not allowed in. if you get me thnks anyway

    • Oh, gotcha. Well he needs to get a grip.

    • Thankyou, what you have said has just confirmed to me what I thought he felt. As I can't ask him and he is such a deep personality anyway, I can't really see how he is doing with this. I can totalluy agree with you I don't think he has any confidence at all. His Bestmate its engaged to his gf's cousin so its all influence aswell.

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