How do you let go of your ex girlfriend when your heart doesn't want to

its been close to 2 years and I'm still not over my ex. I'm not sure if its her or the idea of her that I'm still in love with. we've been through many fights even after we broke up and chances are we may never even be friends again. but my heart holds on to the hope that one day she might come back and that's what hurts me. because every time I hear about her going some place with her new boyfriend, her flirting with some guy, her wrecking someone else's relationship. its come to the point where I may be foolish but I still can't seem to let go.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • im in the same situation...and the worst part is I have a new boyfriend who I really do love. But this other guy was my first love and my first time...and I was his... and I can't seem to let go of him, or the hope that he will want to come back someday. I know exactly how much I shouldn't care about him and how much I shouldn't care what he's doing or who he's with but I do. and I hate it. I wish I could completely forget sometimes but I know that the memories are all I have left. I should hate him but I can't seem to make myself. instead I just hate the girl he's with. I don't understand what could change his mind so fast...even if circumstances got difficult, I was willing to work through everything untill it got better but he just quit. and I will never forgive myself for not trying harder to get him back when it still would have worked, I waited untill it was too late. the only thing you can do is tell her you still care. and see if she cares too. there's not a day that goes by without me thinking of my ex and if your the same way then I don't see why she wouldn't want someone like that..good luck and I'm sorry your hurt too :(

    ...ajr... :(

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What Girls Said 8

  • I recently saw a poll that said that 1 in 4 americans is in a marriage but in love with another person. So moral of this story; there are lots of people who are in love with people other than the person that they are with. Some people, you will love for a lifetime. And there's nothing you can do about it. You just have to allow that love to remain where it is. The important thing to remember is that life goes on. And from the sounds of things, you have not entered in another meaningful relationship since breaking things off with her. Have you? Once someone starts filling your time and space, I think some of these feelings will subside. But truth be told, you may never stop feeling the feelings that you have. It is just a fact. Have you ever heard the saying: LOVE IS LIKE A KNIFE? Good luck, doll!

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  • I'm terribly sorry about your situation. Heartache is never easy, but it's even worse when you won't let yourself move on. Hon, it's extremely clear that she has herself moved on, so ask yourself this:

    Why would anyone who wouldn't want you be good enough to have you?

    Think about it extremely hard. You may not even realize that you're ignoring those who indeed ARE worth your affection.

    Best of luck. :)

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  • wow that must be tough I've been unable to forget an ex also but I'm not sure I would hold on to it if he had another partner and I knew it. I think it might be your just holding on to the memories and the things you shared. like they say its not hard to move on its hard to forget everything your leaving behind! usually for me I can't forget the last relationship until someone new comes along it might be the same for you. try to occupy your time so you don't think about her so much, meet new people, and sooner than later you'll find yourself in love again! let the wind take your pain and time heel your wounds. =)

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  • i completely know what you're going through I'm sorta in the same situation except the guy was never my boyfriend. We knew each other for 2 years but never got in a relationship because he supposedly wasn't ready. I've just recently found out that he's been sleeping with at least 4 different girls and to make things worst. one night he called me over just after one of the girls left his house from having sex. I found this out by going through his phone. I questioned him about it and he told me I'm not his girl so basically I have no right to question him. by the way he now is in a relationship with his child's mom is what he told me but he told another girl he was single. Well even after all this I still can't let him go. my mind tells me I need to but my heart just for some reason is not ready. I have no idea why. I'm trying to just focus on myself and think about how I'm too good to be with him and hopefully that will help me. But you're not alone. I hope it gets better

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  • awwww I know the feeling. My advice for you is to get into healthy relationship because if you stay alone you may never be able to get over her.

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  • have you tried to have another girlfriend, may you need to try and love some1 else

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  • Same problem here.

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  • that's so hard:[ I understand... it's been a year, and I'm still not over my ex either. if you ever get over it, please let me know that there is some sort of hope.

    good luck!

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    • i did more or less get over it in the end so there is hope still. hope things have gone well for you the past 8 months!

What Guys Said 6

  • Do you have any passions in your life? Or perhaps something you've always wanted to pursue, but never got around to it?

    Life is more than just about finding your girl/boy. Life is about finding yourself!

    Right now you're a bit lost, whether you want to admit it or not. You need to find yourself, and get yourself back on track.

    Find something to do that will get your mind off relationships in general.

    Instead of hoping she will come around. Hope and make yourself a better person. Build yourself up to the point where you are happy even by yourself. One day, a girl will come around, and she will see what an amazing person you are (no homo), and she will never want to let you go.

    Just keep expending and making yourself grow. Don't try to look back. It only makes you a smaller person when you don't allow yourself to grow.

    Always look ahead of you. Take quick looks back, but never stop and stare...

    Anyways, I hope that helps you a bit.

    Best wishes!

    -Henry

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  • The best way to get over a ex is to start dating (not sex) get to know other people, build connections, get phone numbers. As you start meeting people who are better for you than your ex was and see you have options things will become a lot clearer and moving on will become easy.

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    • I agree... you need some reference to objectivelly compare your ex to something. I was devastated at first, thinking about all the things I lost. I kinda had to push myself into even trying to date and then I was very, very surprised about discovering all these things I actually really missed and craved in the first place.

  • There's a chance you won't, at least not for a long time. I still feel like I messed up a relationship with the perfect girl, and that was three years ago. Advice? Mine would be to not let it hold you back, the thoughts you're having aren't going to ruin your life, but they will if you don't control them and if you let them get in the way of your future. Chances are you won't ever be back together, it's good you've accepted that fact.

    Having positive memories is a blessing, it gives you something to look back on and smile about. But there are other women out there and, hell, one of them might be just that little bit more perfect. Don't let this one experience hold you back from creating more. Get out there.

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  • It doesn't matter if she keeps playing games or if she just plainly isn't interested. In both cases it's best to just ignore her completely and stop giving a sh*t. I did idealize my ex way too much. I did think about how awesome it might be if we ended up back together and stuff like that and then I actually realized the real HER. The sex was horrible, she did not respect me and she was the most egoistic person ever. Think about how she is in reality. Remember back to your relationship.

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  • Im right there with you...

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  • same here

    except my mind and my heart don't want to let go D;

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