In love and need advice to get my ex-girl back?

I posted here before, and you all were a little helpful, but I just want some advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. I really don't want to get over her, she is the perfect girl for me. We were great together...and the more I was with her the more I fell in love with her. Even if it was only about a year. There was never a moment where I did not want to be with her. We took it slow too, we never fought, she was so into me, but I started to sense she was being a little distant, and she eventually broke up with me. It was hard for her to be honest, but she said it was from a "high-school sweetheart" that hasn't spoke to her in 10 years called her out of the blue ( he lives in another state pretty far ) and some past family issues. She said she wanted to do soul-searching too. Whatever the reason, It is killing me so much.

It's been about 2 months, and although the extreme depression and anxiety I have gotten from it has subsided a bit, my feelings for her are even stronger. How do I know she is the one? I am a good thinker, I don't get emotional easily, so I am really good a thinking and working my way out of any situation. Not this one though; she has the most beautiful face, laugh, smile, personality, music, determination, and everything else about her. You might not think anyone is perfect, but damn it, there is absolutely nothing I can even think of that I don't love about her. I would do anything with her and for her.

You might think that I have an Infatuation, obsession, or maybe I am a little crazy? I think not, and I am thinking very clearly when I say these things. I am 25 years old, and I might be young, but I am smart enough to know that these feelings are real and true. As strange as it might sound, I know she is "the one" (that everyone talks about) for me.

Not to be rude, but spare me the "move on", "you will get over it" advice. I am not the average type of person, that might get a rebound relationship or what not, to get over their ex; I don't want any other girl, and I don't want to be without her. She lives about an hour and a half away, and this is not the problem, we talked about maybe moving in together eventually. There is no obstacle that will prevent me from wanting to be with her.

She said she wanted to still have me in her life and that she loved me. She kinda ignores me a bit when I try to talk to her, and I don't obsessively contact her. I sent a small love/goodbye letter, saying how much I care for her and how I would like to be with her (without coming on too strong).

So my question is, not how to get over her, but how can I get her back? What can I do, say? The more time that goes by, I feel that, even if she does have feelings for me, she might think it is best for me to not be with her. Maybe she doesn't want to hurt me by thinking she is a burden, and that is not true. I don't know, but please, any real advice (not the cliche ones that are given out all the time) is much appreciated.
Thanks for the reply's. Can I get some more advice though. This is very serious, and I want to do the best I can in this situation without screwing it up.
I really appreciate the help. It really sucks so bad though..days feel like weeks and weeks feel like years. I was just hoping that there is something I can do sooner, than later to be able to get back with her.
On one hand you all say breaking contact is the best way, and on the other hand, you say, sending small gives and little note to her is good. I still feel lost as to what to do, and it's hard to sit and do nothing. Thanks for taking the time to reply all
Thanks for all the help people, it's a little hard getting advice on a forum (minimum typing space). If anyone with advice wants to chat, please let me know. Might be better to have a one on one conversation with someone; preferably a girls point of view


Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's the thing. The more you chase, the more you will push her away. The more friendly you act, the more of a "friend" you will become and you will stay there. She KNOWS how you feel about her already, so trying to convience her, small talk, hanging with her, and the once in a while "hello" will do you no good. Friendship is never the way to get someone back or to start a relationship. You have friends already, and the friendship ended when you two got together. Being there for her just tells her that she doesn't have to be in love with you for you to be in her life, and she will take advantage of that. Trust me when I say this, but moving on is one of the best ways to get someone back. Why? It gives you focus on yourself, time for her to miss you, and for you to improve on your life. You have gave her all the power, and she figures that she can have you anytime she wants, which is too easy. That's where you have already screwed up and you have to change your game asap. Women like a challenge, drama, conflict, excitementand spontaneous action. Being nice, dependable, and giving a woman what she wants all the time gets boring, predictable, and will have her "need time" to think about the relationship she is in, even if everything is going good. You have to pull away from her totally. By doing so you will send the message that you don't NEED her to have a life, take care of business, and do exciting things. Let me put this another way. Say you are playing poker. If you just show your cards then everyone will know what you have, thus the excitement is gone and you are no fun or no threat. This is how you have to be with your feelings for her. Don't tell her you miss her, or you love her. She already knows, and if you say it to her it will become annoying. Think about your favorite food. Would you eat your favorite food every meal, everyday, same time, same place? Even though it's good, you will become sick of it quickly and you will start eating something else. This is what happened to your relationship at one point trust me. She can't miss you if you are already there, or if it's guaranteed that you will be there for her. Don't say you will wait for her. Moving on is a shock treatment. Stop chasing her, and don't contact her. DON'T BE FRIENDS WITH HER. Become better without her being in the picture and she will wonder about you, and come chasing after you. If she doesn't come after you, then you will have your ultimate answer on what she wants from you. Don't be a sucker by letting her have her cake and eat it too. It's not what you want to hear, but it's realistic. Go out, go with the flow, have fun, meet more people, become the alpha male that women want, move forward and don't look back. Stop putting her on a pedistal and stop feeding her ego. Girls get chased all the time, so break that cycle. Stop chasing, go the other way, and let her catch up to you...


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What Girls Said 2

  • Wow, she is one lucky lady! OK...where to start. You guys have a connection so whatever you do do not let that connection be broken. She has broken up with you, she needs space and time, so give it to her. But send her small reminders of you. Have flowers delivered to her office. Or write letters, nice ones to her, maybe with small quotes or pictures. Never expecting anything back. Talk to her every once a while on the phone and keep the conversation light.

    I have enjoyed attention from a man I did not even like at all! Eventually the guy got the message and stopped sending me the stuff and pouring his heart out to me and at the time I may have thought he was a crazy stalker but when it was all over I missed it. It was an ego boost and sometimes I am remnded that he was probably one of the good guys. It is rare that anyone will find someone that thinks so much of them.

    So keep at it for as long as you can and hold onto your anxiety. Don't let it get the better of you. Just keep the connection going, stay positive with her. And then instead of increasing the attention, decrease it. She will eventually want that attention back, and in that time she will more than likely use it to reflect on how she really feels about you and if you say she loves you (her own words) she will be back. She needs time to think and nostalgia can be a b1tch. There is a lot she may have to deal with, includig regret, so let her :-). Good luck!

    • Thanks for your would I go about giving her attention like that without seeming too desperate? I don't want her to think I am the stalker type either, and I really am not. I really don't want to screw this up.

  • You said you don't want the 'move on' stories, so I a giving what you asked for...There are no guarantees because this one is out of your control. The ball is in her court. Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages? I think if you do some reasearch on the net you will come up with someting...Just find out what yours is...So if you are a gifter then consider small gifts. everythime you go out and you are thinking of her and you see smething she will like, get it. Send it via post. Try to be discreet. You don't want her to open it or receive it in front of anyone else.

    Send her a text from time to time. Say something like "was just thinking about you, hope you are having a good day". Limit physical contact, visual contact and even voice. But call her from time to time. Have a single red rose delivered to her. Also, do not be extravagant. Maybe you know she is going to a particular restaurant, speak to someone in advance and arrange something small for her, maybe a card under her placemat. If you have her as a friend on facebook, poke her, or like her comments. Like I said, be discreet but be THERE.

    • I miss her so much, no other girl can make me feel the same way. Nothing and no amount of money can make me happy again. Uggh, I feel like I am hanging on a thread here. Thanks for all the help people. It's been 2 months since the breakup. It is devastating thinking she might feel the opposite. If anything I wish I could see her one last time, hold her and kiss her, and explain everything. She just might think I am "crazy/weird" or something, when I can't give her an explanation in person.

What Guys Said 3

  • It is tempting to ask how many relationships you've had because sometimes people feel as sure as you do and then a few years later feel just as sure about someone else. That's when you have an awakening that there is a lot of projection going on and the person isn't just what they seem, but you are seeing what you want to see to an extent. But it's also possible that what you say is true and she is a great match for you. I will give you the benefit of the doubt on that one.

    This is a really delicate balance. As others have said, if you push you will push her further away. But if you disappear totally you will be out of sight out of mind. If you are this sure about this girl then you are talking about the possibility of spending a lifetime together at some point. That means you have to take a long term view. There is no way to rush this that I can see. What I imagine is simply being incredibly sincere and letting her know you still want her periodically but also respecting her space. Tell her you understand if she needs her space, but you just want her to know you still love her and are going to go about your life. You need to show her you have your own life and worth, but also that she still has meaning to you.

    Of course part of this depends on her. If she is a very traditional wholesome girl this might work better. If she is more of a game player, then there is a chance that it might work better to just cut the whole thing off for now.

    So those are your options as I see it. Best of luck.

  • It's so tough when you lose 'the one' but is this the first girl you've loved? Obviously I don't know your situation and not that I'm saying she is not the perfect girl for you but I have been in love twice despite never thinking I'd feel the same after my first ex.

    This is probably not what you'll want to hear but ultimately it will be her decision. If you've let her know your true feelings you can't do much more. Your in a real fragile point of your relationship and if you pressurise her now it may do the opposite of what your trying to do. The last thing you want to do is make her believe your obsessed with her. It'll freak her out and probably make her reassess her past relationship with you as well.

    If you don't want to give up on her then your going to have to be in it for the long haul. You'll have to befriend her all over again and run the risk of being no more than that but unfortunately this is about your only chance. Once you get closer as friends again you may be able to bring up the subject but just be prepared for the fact that it may not happen.

    I'm kinda in a similar situation too. Recently split from a girl I liked a lot and I'm in two minds whether to stay friends or not. Seen as we ended amicably part of me thinks if I stay friends I will get another chance but it is just whether you are prepared for more heartache if it does not happen.

    Only you can make the choice but remember to go slow and give her time to understand her feelings for you.

    Good luck bro!

    • Technically this is the first girl that I loved, but I am the type of person that can fall in love with a girl I like. This one is different though. Like I said, I can't imagine any other girl with her qualities. They didn't grow on me. I knew it from the start, but the more we were together, the stronger I felt about her. I just don't know what to do....Wish I can at least feel fine, but it doesn't work. If I said this is the worst pain I have ever been through, that would be an understatement.

  • Dude, you need to re-read what you wrote on here. "She stills loves you and wants you in her life" then why did she break up with you? you need to stop what your doing and let this chick go. Your becoming desperate and that sends women running for the hills! Dude if you really want her back than that is going to be up to her. No matter how hard you try or what you say will bring her back, she broke up with you so the ball is in her court. People want what they can't have so you may want to move on with your life and stop contacting her, that away it will give her time to miss you and see that your doing well for yourself without her. She could or could not want to get back with you.

    I say move on to someone better.

    Stop being so needy.

    • Easier said than done. Thanks for the reply, but this isn't a ball game, and all girls are not alike. I can't sit back and wait, especially if that is going to drive her away even more. I am not and never was needy. Ex girl friends that you may or may not love is a different story, but this girl is the love of my life. She might not realize it, but all I want to do is convince her that we were meant for each other. Oh, and I am not one to talk about feelings and emotions, but what I say is true.

    • You can't convince someone that they are the love of your life or "the one", big guy. I'm telling you the more you push her the more she is going to push away....sorry bro but its true, ask anyone.

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