How do you get over your first love?

My relationship is falling apart and I believe we are nearing the end. I’ve been with him for over a year and he is my first love. I’ve really had a hard time staying strong while all this is going on so if you guys have any advice on how to get through this it’ll be greatly appreciated.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Keep yourself busy. this isn't what you want to hear, but it takes time. Which is why you should keep yourself busy. Sitting around focusing on the emptiness accomplishes nothing except make you feel worthless.

    It helps to remind yourself of what you're gaining rather than what you're losing. (This is how I cope with pretty much every shitty situation and it helps me quite a bit). You're 'losing' the relationship, but what you gained is what you learned throughout the experience and the experience itself. Mistakes are how we learn. you're a better, stronger, more mature, and more aware person than you were before the relationship. Your experiences are also unique to you, no one else gets to experience exactly what you do and that makes you, you. You own it, no one else but you, in all of history. You've completed another piece to your unique structure. If that makes sense? That helps me find closure and appreciate it for what it is.

    You're also gaining the opportunities that come with being single. You don't have to worry about pleasing your partner. Please yourself, go and pursue whatever you want, anything.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm terrible at this. I am a busy body and I never slow down to smell the flowers when they're beautiful nor do I notice when they've died. My only advice would be to allow yourself to go through the motions. Just like the death of a loved one, you have to go through the motions and pretty much mourn the lost of your dreams with this person, and mourn the lost of them in your life. You'll have an array of different emotions and each will have to take it's course. Some may take a long time to subside, and some may pass quickly. I know I felt anger, sadness, joy, reminisced the past, wondered why it didn't work... Yunno all those things. I was very open and at times felt like a broken record, but I also feel that it allowed my feelings to flow out and the process of moving past my brokenness faster. Anything is better than dwelling in sorrow.

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What Guys Said 95

  • The most important thing to remember: remove the cause of injury, and give yourself time to heal.
    1. Cut off all communication. That means, no matter how much you miss him, do not call, text, Instagram... Whatever! Ignore all communication from him. You can read texts, and listen to voice messages, but don't return them. However, if communication is unavoidable (like at school or work), treat your ex with dignity, respect, courtesy, and professionalism. Otherwise, do not engage in any relationship talk.
    2. Remove all reminders of the relationship. I'm not saying only throw stuff away, but keep it out of sight and out of reach. Return gifts, stash stuff away in boxes, throw some stuff away... etc.
    3. Don't do the whole "let's just be friends" thing, at least for a while. He's not your friend; he's your ex. Eventually, you may be ready to become friends again, and when that day comes, have at it! For now, the objective is to heal.
    4. Always take the high road. If he gets angry and calls you names, yells at you, argues with you... etc. just keep your cool. If you decide that it's through, then it's through. Just wish him best if luck, and explain to him that you want to keep some distance at least for a while after you're both officially broken up. If he insists on bothering you, tell him off, it involve a third party. Do not tolerate any harassment or stealing behavior.

    Good luck to you. Hang in there. It's not easy ending a first relationship, but you will get through this.

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  • Call up your close friend (s) and prepare them for it, then make sure you have ice cream in your fridge and have renewed your Netflix subscription. You’ll need them

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  • Its OK , it happens
    You both are falling apart because you never loved each other truly.
    What was your base reason for falling in love with him?
    What was his base reason if he fell with you?
    I don't know much about you but the way you are here with your question, one thing i can say that you both fell with each other because of your external, not internal.
    Why he is going away from you?
    Because his heart is able to survive without you.
    You didn't hold his heart completely to make him to be with you until your last breath.
    You are the one who allowed his heart to go away from you and survive without you without having any pain into it.
    Love is all about our internal, love has been made to be used by our souls , our internal only.
    Once again, what made him to be attract towards you? , what was his interest into you in beginning of your relationship with him?
    Your beauty or your good behaviour?
    Your appearance or your true feeling?
    Your good height or your sincere heart?

    If its beauty, appearance and good health then God better knows what is next between you and him.

    But if its good behaviour, true feeling and sincere heart then just don't worry at all, he is only yours , he can't be able to leave you and he can't make his heart to survive going away from you.

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  • It's important to have friends at a time like this. I've just lost who I consider my soul mate due to personal shortcomings. I'm now in the process of reestablishing contact with people to talk to about it, hang out with, people who will be there for me. If you're lucky you may even have a good family to help in those ways. Also, having activities (sports, nature, playing music, etc) to get out and do are important. Get your mind off it. I don't think the pain I'm feeling will go away, at least not for a long time, but you've gotta be a fighter and love yourself. Meet new people if possible, even just friends. Even work, if you don't absolutely hate your job, because it will get you back out there and keep you busy. Just never stop pushing yourself to be the best you possible. Goals, they're important. This is all going off the idea that your relationship is ending of course. If you think there's a chance to save it (and you think that it's actually a good idea to do so) then communication is key. But it takes two for all this. So no matter what happens or for what reason don't sit around beating the shit out of yourself. Hope that's enough advice. Good luck, take care of yourself

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  • Since this is your first real love, what's telling you It's over? Not saying you're wrong or right but trying to figure out how to best help. If you've both sincerely tried to fix it then first need to make sure the other knows it's over or there won't be any good clarity on it. Then work on taking more and more thought away from it by occupying yourself with other things in life.

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  • Ngl, it took me 2 years to completely get over my first love. My advice to you is to get rid of things that remind you of him and delete your pics. Don't sleep around with random dudes, it'll just make you feel worse. Focus on improving yourself for a while and then you'll be ready to find a new high quality man. But it takes time. It'll hurt for a while but believe me, time heals all wounds.

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  • There's not a good, easy, answer. If it's falling apart, and it can't be put back together (as can be the case), then trying to hold it together is just going to extend the time you spend in this painful state. Let it end. It will hurt. But the sun will rise in the morning, just like it always does. Time will pass and this will turn into a memory. It's going to suck but let it happen and let it pass.

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  • It will be hard I know that darling life has to move on in your first relationship everything might seem right when nothing is not there many people out there for u , but your mind thinks this one is perfect because it is designed that way go ask God if u believe in it. u can either move on or correct what's wrong but don't get caught up In the middle, when u be with the one who u fell for the first time u are damn lucky.

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  • Just because its your first doesn't make it any more special than any other.

    Surround yourself with people who make you happy, tough it through the times where you cry at night and feel weak enough to try again even though you know it'll be the same.

    Eventually you'll come out stronger and wiser for your next try with a guy that deserves you.

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  • Time and blocking him out of your life.
    If you need to write everything out in a letter to him then burn it.
    Do it when ever you feel like you have to talk with him.

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  • I can't really say anything other than , it is a start you see it like that
    It is really hard i know , but if you don't deal with it properly it might change you life for the worse , so take some time learn a hobby work on yourself maybe try to do something you have always wanted , but don't go on the rebound or break into hook up culture.
    Just keep your self and don't change who you are.
    I hope you feel better , & eat some Chocolate and ice cream :)

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  • Break up with him and have as less contact as possible? Otherwise you'll think about him all the time (which you will anyways in the beginning)... Meet new guys?

    Then after a couple of months (pls don't be one of those that break up and are heartbroken but find a new boyfriend after a couple of weeks (I say this necause way too many people are like that)) you can fall in love again and start wondering why you liked the first guy in the first place 😂😂😂

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  • I am in the same boat and it's so damn hard. I still can't stop thinking about her, I try messaging and making contact with her even though I shouldn't. The advice I keep getting is to move on but your first love feels like it is impossible to think about anything else except them

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  • Stay with him and talk about your relationship... how your rlationshp started and the best moments in your journey and all the ups and downs u have passed... do all this bcoz talking can exchage ur thoughts u can understand what he is thinking and also make him understand

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  • If you really don't want him back, then you need to start focusing your life on something which you think will keep you going. May be your career or something which you wanted to do from a long time.. Only thing is stop being idle. Idle mind is devil's workshop and will force you to think about this broken relationship again and again. So better identify something you want to focus on and put your full effort on the same! Hope this helps

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  • The only thing you can do is accept it and carry on. Life is made of delusion too and there is nothing we can do about it. It won't be easy, but you will eventually get over it.
    On the concrete side you can just don't see him for a while and keep yourself busy doing the thing that you love.

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  • Well i was broken up with in February and I'm still trying to get through it. I've moved on in some ways, but i still think about her quite a bit. She was my first love too. I think to some degree, they stick with you. At the same time, and it's different for everyone, but you find that you can do things that make you happy yourself. Those are the things that you have to stick to they get you to "move on" so to speak

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  • There will always be difficult times. But if you get through it as a couple, you will be stronger for it.

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  • Every now and then you'll get to remember him but that doesn't mean that at that very moment you'll become sad. For quiet a long time, you feel sad for not having the person in your life. Fall in love with food. Go to different places and eat varieties of food. Read books. Watch movies and when you're low on mood, at least try to go to a different place away from your home.

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  • Honestly I don't think so, my relationship ended about two months ago after being together for 2 years, we had our problems but it's like nobody compares, I'm not sad anymore it's just hard to realize. Just know you'll find someone else, it just takes time

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  • Around yourself with family and friends, and do what feels good for your. I have focused on school very hard (around 12 hours a day) in order to don't think about her. Time will heal this wound. You are not alone dear. I wish you all the best.

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  • Time heals girl. Be patient and give time. All will be fine. Kudos for realising because many usually struggle which makes it even tougher to move on. Just accept the things in the way they are and move on. Good luck

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  • It's hard you kinda never do
    But in time you will eventually meet some one else and think wow is this what love really feels like
    You'll know it from the first kiss
    I mean I did

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  • If it feels like it's nearing the end and you can't make it work it's better to talk about it and decide if it's time to end. Hanging on if you don't think it can work out can only prolong your pain. Source: broke up with first love of 7 years

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  • I knw it will be very tough to going through that situation. So what you just do is that be prepared for it so it won't kill u much and you should also remember this is not an end for anything. This is just a lesson in life thats it.

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  • You never really get over love until you find new love. Slowly you get used to being alone again and the memories of your ex will get pushed to the back of your mind

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  • Really think about whether you two will be happy together, dont stay in a relationship because of what was, it would lead to resentments down the road, however, if the problem is small and you two are still happy, try to work through it.

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  • Dont even think about it. There are more cool guys you haven't try them. More options and more opertunities. Try practice just enjoying. Many of these choices will come and go. You just enjoy the new tries

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  • I had almost the same thing but she was not my first love... the way to get over him/her is to talk to other people get advice from your friends and don't keep thinking about him it's better to do something that you enjoy to get your mind off it

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  • Well if you have decided go for it but remember it will pain you a lot.
    In my opinion Rather that expecting just give your relation ship some time... park it some where take rest , let time decide what is there for you.

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    65

What Girls Said 17

  • try to figure out what's wrong and try to compromise. maybe u can still fix it.

    but if u guys break up, just feel the pain. go through the process. cry until u feel better..

    u need friends so don't stop talking and hanging out with them.. divert ur attention. it will help.

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  • Hey hun, I went through the same thing as you. We’ve been together for 4 years and it’s felt like this a bit. Honestly, I think you should try to salvage it but let the relationship run its course. If you are truly meant to be, he will come back to you, like my boy came back to me. All the best x

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  • It's going to hurt because it's your first love but it will get better, definitely not at first though. Just remember that you'll find the right one some day, the one that will make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
    How I got over my first love-- I found someone better, myself :)

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  • The best advice I have is mourn in piece, be sure to throw away or lock away all affiliation with him and focus on all the things that have brought you joy ( hobbies, people, work, etc ).

    I promise, it gets better.

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  • To get over a break up. Find a purpose. Not sleep with other people. Do something bigger than you help children at a hospital something that makes a change. Trust me you will feel way more better knowing you made a change in the world.

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    • 7d

      I like this answer :). Just find something new about urself that makes you happy and then you can take away something from the experience much more easily!

  • You never really get over your first love. It just takes time. Find a good hobby to focus on.

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  • Time. It's the only way. That's why you'll need distractions to help that time pass.

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  • You don't. You just wish for the best and keep going forward. Honesty.

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  • Find things to do that make you happy. It does get easier but just give yourself sometime.

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  • Time

    To get over someone you'll need time and keep yourself busy. Meet new people and etc

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  • U could try talking to him to see if he still like you

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  • Find a second.

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  • second love

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  • Fall for other

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  • it took me so long... i felt empty without him but soon realized i was so amazing and if he couldn't see that, i had to leave. he will always be the guy i fell in love with for the first time but i will never go back to him. keep your head up, cry (cry a LOT), vent to good friends and eat some chocolate ❤️

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  • I hooked up with a bunch of people

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  • First love is always the hardest. Is there any way to salvage the relationship? To solve whatever problems that is causing your relationship to fall apart? If there is any way to save it, try it if not you would keep looking back and regret. This is what happened to mine. And i still couldn't let go. Don't let this happen to you.

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