My ex is my best friend. I love him but he's someone else's.

First, I just want to say that I've tried moving on many times but he's been the greatest thing under the sun and even if I don't hear from him for a YEAR, the second I get an e-mail from him or see his face after a long time all those feelings come back. I've loved him since I was 14. I'm 19, and it's weird because even though we should've moved on a long time ago, either he'll be the first to message me after months of zero communication or I text him because I'm curious of how he is and miss him. We only dated for 6 months but in high school years that was a long time, especially amongst the raging hormones and what-not. He was so so so much in love with me and I admit I am an idiot for breaking up with him but the relationship was interfering with my school work and all I've ever known was that true love will lead to catastrophic consequences and we were most definitely incredibly in love, like out of a romance novel or fairy tale. The day I broke up with him, he didn't come to school for two weeks and he admitted he stayed in his room and cried. I felt terrible. Well, we see each other once in a blue moon and he's been going out with his girlfriend of 3 years, who by the way looks exactly like me and even has most of my traits like always drawing. Except she's mean to him (the type of girl that won't feel remorse for murder) at least, that's what he (my ex) says. He's with her because he loves her and will admit it in a heartbeat and that's great for him & I pretend it doesn't hurt but it does. when we hang out and do crazy things like chase each other through the mall (even though we both are mature for our age, around each other we act like little kids) and when I'm with him and he's with me we're so comfortable and exchange height jokes (I'm short, he's really tall) and laugh. Sometimes he gets this look in his eyes, the look he got when he was so madly in love with me, and gives me hope when I see it but I can never stare back, I always break away from fear my heart will burst. He's the kind of guy that is scared to hurt anyone's feelings, especially mine and his girlfriend's. He's always sending mixed signals but he told his sister, my figurative cam padre in crime, that he only loves his girlfriend. His family doesn't like his girlfriend because her specialty is making SHTF. I don't want them to get married, I really don't, because I love him so much, and get the feeling he sort of knows I do even though I tell everyone I don't. I don't text him a lot but I feel bad because I don't want to break his gf's heart, and partly because I don't want her to come back and kill me with one of her knives (she has an extensive collection.) I'm the sweet girl next door, goes to college, manages money, knows how to have a blast but also super duper respectful and she's the quiet artistic, horror-movie fanatic type. we look a lot alike except she's a much better artist than me. I know my ex secretly compares us, I know because we successfully interpret each others' thoughts a lot.

Updates:
I've been waiting for him to break up with her for 3 years, but 1, I know he's afraid to hurt anyone's feelings because he's that type of guy and 2, he loves her. But sometimes I also get the impression that he loves me too...?

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What Guys Said 1

  • don't get me wrong cutie but... get the f* out of there... not good for you. I know the situation very very well and it leads nowhere.

    Get distance. Fast. Date other guys and accept that you need to go through the pain.

    Let me put it this way:

    I just heard a statistic that women have heardsickness for avg 22 month. You already wasted 36 month... you yould be done and happy with somebody else by now!

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