Very confused and struggling, advice?

I am living with and raising my child with my boyfriend/common law. Been together almost 6 years now.
I am not sexually attracted to him. I realized (from reading a very old post i had written years ago) that i haven't really been "sexually" attracted to him in a long time. Like once the honeymoon stage was over -8 months or so into the relationship.
Now saying that, I do find him attractive in other aspects. he's an amazing father, he's caring and understanding. Weve been together for 6 years, we've basically grown together as adults. Weve had many wonderful adventures and memories..
I did tell him at 8 months how I was feeling and he was so hurt and i felt so bad, I didn't want to hurt him. So we basically dropped the topic and it never came back up till now.
I was caught having an online affair and shit hit the fan. Even with what I did he still wanted to try to be together.
We have gone through some counselling, and it has been beneficial but the feelings do not change.
We do have sex, just very rarely. I give him head once or twice a week. Sometimes more.
He thinks were fine just not having enough sex. But I dont want to have sex with him. I can cuddle with him but I dont like him kissing me.
I think this has to do with the fact that he used to force me to have sex, or do things to him.
How the f*ck do I figure out what to do
If i Tell him I dont want to be with him he will be crushed. And our the whole family we built will be gone.
But if i don't tell him things will just be like it is now..
I just needed to get that out 😥
Very confused and struggling, advice?
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