We were engaged, had a baby recently, and then he left me but still wants to be in our baby's life.. how can I cope?

Seeing him still is very hard for me. He was the love of my life and we planned for more children and our future together. He left because all we would do is argue after I gave birth and was a major communication barrier. I can't stop crying. He's here right now and I just wanna say something about how I feel but he always says I'm lying or I have a ulterior motive so I just don't say anything anymore.. how can I cope with this slap of reality?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's still the father. If he's not a bad dad then you can't do much but bite the bullet or be spiteful about it

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    • I'm not gonna and I have been spiteful about it. I love him.. don't want to hurt him or my daughters relationship.

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    • I asked him about a sister wife and he ignored me but then later wanted to talk more about it. I'm not down with that stuff because he wouldn't be down if there was a male involved. Difference between your relationship and mine is your wife probably communicates with you and vice versa.

    • We're working on it

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's so common you picture this perfect family then sleepless nights exhaustion and no time for each other happens I think hormones are a part of it and a lot of guys don't understand he's obviously keen to be a good dad remember to acknowledge to positives and maybe with a bit of space you might communicate better hope things get easier even if you don't get back together try to work together to be the best parents possible

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What Guys Said 16

  • Make him remember those things when you both really had good times and honestly tell him how you feel. Just go for it.

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    • I tried to last night cause he came by to see our baby. I even tried to cuddle him but he wasn't receptive and I felt embarrassed for trying..

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    • Best of luck and be positive. . .

    • Thank you

  • Adulting sucks. If you don't want to see him, set up a third party mediator who can supervse his visits and let's you get the hell out of the house for a while. Also, if he is wanting to be part if the baby's life, is he kicking in his fair share of support? If he isn't, suggest he can see the kid when you see him helping out. You are mom. You have custody. You make the rules.

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  • Slowly and with a lot of pain. Unfortunate truth. It sounds like he has gotten to the point where he does not want to be with you anymore. The needs of the child has to come first.

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  • yes there is better days when you meet another blessed man. he might not be the love of your life but he maybe just all right. hang in there sweetheart

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  • Both of you seem to have repress feelings and uncomunicated messages not shared for lack of trustnand proper communication.

    look for a way to break his frame and come to a healthy leveled field of communication where you can both speak your mind and discuss to reach an agreement/closure rather then to be right.
    If one tries to win then no one wins, cause its not about winning or being right.

    Don't act desperate and needy, control your feelings, and urges, be receptive and open to whatever he has to say, don't be afraid to show and share that you're vulnerable, in a calm rational manner, no one wants to hurt someone who is saying "I feel really bad, fragile and frail, and despite what happened I think we can talk like adults and reach closure"

    I wish you the best of luck

    - Trust yourself, when you really need it you'll find the strength necessary to overcome anything!

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  • Where there is no trust there can be no love.
    Saddest of all is children being part of an unhealthy relationship.

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  • Be strong my lovely. You'll find someone who loves you and will be with you through it all

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  • by moving on an being strong an knowing many guys will date a girl with a kid its not a deal breaker

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  • Give Time... Time heals everything change ur reality by changing your thoughts.. god bless

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  • at least for the baby both of you should think and decide about baby future

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  • Suck it up buttercup and get lots of child support!

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  • Give it time. And reply and I ll see how I can help if it at all possible.

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    • Nope he came over this morning and kissed my neck and cheek and I got a wiff of pussy. I'm alright. Just heartbroken but I'll get over it any find somebody worthy.

    • and*

  • Its his baby too. Deal with it

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    • I wasn't saying he can't see her. I said it's hard for me to be around him when I'm still in love with him. You don't need to be a jackass

  • convinince & compromise.. thats the only soltion

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  • Just make sure you get child support. Don't let him skimp.

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    • He's not like that. He even paid rent for me til I get a job..

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    • I meant financially he has already been providing so child support is unnecessary until he starts to slack.

    • He's giving me more than I would be getting with child support

  • Honestly for me my opinion is kind of hard because when my ex wife left me I was actually pretty happy about that part just sad that I don't get to see my child every single day I mean if it was ment to be it would still be but it will take sometime but you will move on just give it time and you will recover and be better off in this case because if he couldn't stick around after the first then he definitely wouldn't be able to stick around for more

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What Girls Said 3

  • Open your eyes and see that he was not the love of your life, or you would not have split up so easily over this. He does not even trust you or understand you and like you, the love of your life does. It is better that you split up now than in years to come.

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  • I would suggest you two go out on your own and talk like adults about what you both feel and want. Being strung around and not knowing is a lot harder than talking about it. I am engaged and recently had a barmy with my fiancĂ© and his family over the one thing that affects us, money. Unfortunately everybody argues as its real life but you can get him back if you talk. If you need someone to talk to then message me. Good luck :)

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  • How long ago did you split?

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