How do you tell someone that thinks you're the love of their life that you don't think it's working?

Weve been together for 7 years now. I have had doubts throughout but I've always been too scared to be honest about my feelings. I tried at the beginning and it went horribly. I tried again a few months ago and he got very depressed and didn't get out of the funk till i said I wanted to be together - I said i wanted to try working on us which we have been
.. i dont think i want to be together anymore. But i can't put him through that again. Im so scared. I think circumstances have kept us together this long..
So my only real option is to tell him im done.. Which will shock him and probably destroy him.
How do I go about doing this? Is there any advice?
We live together and we split the bills. I depend on him in certain aspects as he depends on me.. Im just so lost

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly you're right to just rip the bandaid off. Doing it quickly and matter of fact will definitely shock him and no matter how you do it it's gonna hurt. But it'll hurt significantly less than dragging him through a slow breakup. You don't owe anyone a relationship so if you think it's better for you to not be in a relationship with him then you need to just tell him that. There is no easy and painless solution but being honest is definitely the least painful on both ends. It's gonna be brutally painful for both of you for a while but both of you will recover eventually even if it doesn't seem like it. I'm sorry you've been wrestling with this dilemma but i wish you the best of luck in dealing with it.

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    • Thank you. I think having anxiety has made it do much harder for me to do what I need to for myself..
      I absolutely hate confrontation or anything dealing with strong emotions so this has always been very difficult for me

Most Helpful Girl

  • Just going to have to be honest. After 7 years though, be sure this is what you really want, because you could come to regret it down the line, and by then he'll probably have moved on.

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What Guys Said 9

  • If you don't want it, don't be in the relationship even if it hurts him more than you. If you still want it a bit, then I'd say try to reignite the spark as you don't want to lose the last 7 years you've had with him

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    • We have tried to get the spark back but it has not worked so far

    • Then drop it, better to be free you'll definitely agree when you are

  • If you knew what it meant

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  • There isn't going to be a good way to have this conversation, and it's not fair to you for him to emotionally hold you hostage like that. My suggestion is that you find some alternative living arrangement and then end things so you can move out.

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  • assuming you are not cheating cough cough

    tell If you don't want and both of you make agreement when to leave cause leaving right away is a dick move

    at least give him time to find a new place while you both split the bill

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  • “I’m sorry but I just don’t feel the same way. I’ve tried making it work but I can’t pretend any longer. I wish you the best of luck.” DO NOT SAY OR AGREE TO “LETS BE FRIENDS”

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    • Well we are going to need to be on friendly terms. We have a child

    • That’s different but keep your meetings and conversations about the child only

  • Just like you did. Tell them up front and matter of factly. I would suggest doing it in private and stick to your guns.

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  • Have you tried telling them: " I don't think it's working."

    I love easy questions

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  • Did you go on BC after you started dating him?

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  • If you want to do it the compassionate way, try to save up a bit so that when you leave, you don't leave him hanging with all the bills and expenses without notice. Find a place to go so that you can be out of there asap.
    Just be honest with him. There will be lots of crying and pleading, but if you feel this way, you owe it to yourself to move on.
    Just have a plan in place for getting out, be it temporary or not, so that you aren't stuck living there while you figure out how to pay bills and end leases.

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What Girls Said 0

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