Confused about my feelings?

I've loved my ex for 7 years but we have been broken up for 4 years now and I haven't seen or spoken to him since. He got married (this year, in May) a week before my birthday to a girl he had only known for a 1 1/2 years. It hurts because we were once engaged. I've been in a relationship with another guy for 2 years. Im no longer attracted to my ex (he gained weight, is balding and looks way different now) and i dont want him back but i still love him and miss him. 2 years ago when he was with a different girl (not his wife now), I reached out to him via email saying i want to know if our love was real or not. he said he had so much love for me and we had many beautiful moments togegher and still thinks about me often but we both blew it so its time we both move on. Why do I still hold on after all these years? what is wrong with me?
Confused about my feelings?
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