She basically told me that she didn't want a relationship. Any ideas as to what I should do?

So I've liked this girl for about a year. I met her may last year. We started off as just friends, hanging out in groups. Then a few months later she must have sensed that I liked her so she basically told me that she didn't want a relationship.

Then right after this, we started hanging out as friends, one-on-one, doing datey stuff, but just as friends. Then in February I told her I liked her, but then she said even though part of her wanted to that she couldn't just handle it - that being in a relationship would be too stressful for her.

At the beginning of April she told me that she liked me and that even though she was petrified of being in a relationship, that she was willing to give it a go. Then one week later she took it all back and said that being in a relationship would just be too stressful and that she couldn't handle it.

Since then things have been shaky between us. I've had difficulty controlling my emotions, and consequently I've been pushing her away, by continually telling her how I felt and asking her out again and again. We have hung out, but not very often, and now she's basically said she needs some space.

Apparently the idea of me liking her freaks her out, and she says that she's not romantically interested in me anymore. But at the same time we really haven't hung out at all that much since April. But she says she really cares about me and is fond of me as a friend --- so we are good friends she doesn't dislike me

At the moment I know I need to give her space, and that I shall do. But if, in a few months time, my feelings for her are the same, should I give it another shot? And by a shot I don't mean tell her a like her, I mean start asking her to do stuff with me more and more frequently and just see where it goes?


Most Helpful Guy

  • If I did'nt know better I would tell you that she used you. Because you seem like a good guy that has put the effort to try to be with this girl, and...she said no the first time. You took your time and were patient with her just trying to be there for her and you asked her if she could be your girlfriend. But for some reason well...she still said that she was no ready. Once again you do your thing and you figure that maybe the third time would be the charm because everything is looking great, and everything is great I mean she even said that she liked you. But yet...she said that she does'nt want a relashionship with you? Wow...i mean you seem like you've done everything for her, and well just when you think she might finally reward you she tells you that...she sees you as a brother? I don't know but it might be that she took you for granted and there might...and I mean there might be another guy that might of caught her attention even more. Which is messed up because it sounds like you deserve a chance with her man to the fullest. She seems confuse, and very immature, she doesn't really know what she wants. Then again she does...and well once again like I said she took you for granted. You could ignore her, but don't be surprise if that backfires in you...remember she sounds very immature, and that she could very well take it the wrong way. You've done nothing wrong, ...i really don't get her style, its confused me man. All I can tell you is think not with your mind, but with your heart. Good luck with everything man, but remember...sometimes sadly things are not what they seem to be, or in this case people.


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What Girls Said 3

  • well I think. give her the space she's asking for.

    control yourself. and try to be natural. she might be feeling bound and she needs space to breath. she thinks you are good friend but is really not ready for a relationship yet.

    try to concentrate on yourself and try to be just a friend with her.

  • Um OK She is doing what I did to a lot of guys in highschool. I would say go find another girl, Let her be a friend, If she likes she will get mad if your with another girl, Even if You just get close with another girl. because I mean that's how I was when it came to guys if I got upset he was with someone else and no longer liked me then I normally would come around and talk to him once it either ended or I found out he was not seeing her. But Of course I would just stay away from her and find a better girl. Like I don;t do that any more but some girls like the attention ... Like Me. I Would have 5 to 6 guys wanting to date me at one time. and I would playing them all ... But My heart belongs to one person on this earth and that will never end or become a game to me.

  • Ok... here's the thing about girls. One day we love you to pieces and the next day we don't want to talk to you. I'm a very busy girl, I have a band and we play all over the place and I also have 2 jobs. I have a lot of friends that are guys, (as a matter of fact, my friend Keith is my band mate!) and it's good to have alternate-sex friendships. As a girl, I speak for my fellow girls that friendship and relationship go hand in hand, but when we hear the word "relationship" and freak out. Honestly, just tell her that you want to be her friend. She's probably really busy and just wants friends, but as a friend it's just like being in a relationship. Just don't mention the word "relationship", or she'll freak out.


What Guys Said 2

  • hey...yeah if you wanna try then spend some time with her. That's the best way to convey your feelings and change her mind. But if she really thinks of you as a brother, which I also don't think so, then it is impossible to get her. As she told you once that she likes u. You can try man but that girl is really confused about being in relation with u. Spend some time with her and then let her miss you sometime. Just don't try too much.

    Take care and good luck

  • Your last paragraph basically sums up what I would say to you.

    You definitely need to give her the space she needs or she's going to be out of your life entirely. And after that space you can just start being friends again, I imagine if she becomes romantically interested in you she will tell you.

    The thing is, you can't do all of this with the intention of dating her. You're just going to hurt yourself in the long run. You're much better off letting things go, and trying to find someone else to date.

    For now you need to try hard to tell yourself that the most she will ever be is a really great friend and instead of being sad that you can't date her, be happy that you get to have such a great friend that you can care so much for.


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