Should I contact my daughter's father and let him know she was born?

He knew I about the pregnancy and wanted to be involved. 4 months into the pregnancy I told him I was considering an adoption and he quit calling me. I tried to contact him the month before she was born and he told me that he had moved on with his life, fell in love and wanted nothing to do with me and the baby. He said he'd give up any parental rights and that I should go through with the abortion. First, he never signed away his rights. Second, I was no longer considering the abortion an option for me. I've looked up his facebook and he went from in a relationship to single (so much for him being in love). Anyway...I feel like he should know that she was born and that she is with me because I don't want to regret not telling him and then blame me later in life for her dad not being present. I want to know if he wants to see her. I know we both hurt each other. I hurt him first by saying I wanted an abortion and then he hurt me when he was so easy to walk away from the situation and never call me again... and then he hurt me again when he said all the things he did when I tried to speak to him before she was born.

Put yourself in my shoes... Would you tell him? How would you contact him (facebook, phone call, text)? What would you say or how would you address it to him?

Updates:
His daughter is 2 months old. He knew the due date and has still not tried to make contact with me.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would by facebook or phone message but just make sure that the one media you choose to contact him, that you have it recorded so that whatever happens next you'll have it for your baby to see and read herself how you told him and what was his response was, having evidence.

    So I would simply say this 'Hi __, I am contacting you because I have a beautiful daughter/son which I named __. Yes, he she is your son daughter and this is my first and last message in letting you know of his her existence. I am not asking nothing from you, but if you want to be a part of (the name) life, all I ask is for you to let me know within this week via message or phone call.' Of course you can edit it your way but don't approach him heartfelt or pissed or worried or sad and pissed just see it like a kinda business approach where all feelings are left outside and rations left inside. Cause if you don't you'll scare him away or somehow make him act inadequate or pissed of your approach and not write back.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I guess that "considering an ADOPTION" part in the beginning of your question was a typo.

    If my girlfriend or wife told me that she was going to kill my first son or daughter...I don't know what I'd do. That would be an awful, heartbreaking thing to hear coming from the one I loved.

    Yes, tell him. Be honest. Nothing is more stressful than keeping huge secrets you know you shouldn't. I literally have white spots in my hair now from doing that. Give him a call and stay calm during your conversation. Just let him know that you didn't call to fight with him, but just to let him know that your child was born. If he still doesn't want anything to do with you guys, at least you did yourself a big favor. You won't be the one living with a big secret anymore. HE will be the one that has to live with knowing he abandoned his child if that's what he decides to do.

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    • It was a typo. I meant to put adoption. I agree about it being very stressful. thanks for the advice.

  • yes you must tell him , whatever has gone on between you is in the past but this is still his daughter , so tell him and then the ball is in his court and you have done your duty.

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  • Your ex-boyfriend isn't responsible. You should tell this thing to him .because he is the baby's father .he has to pay back .

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  • He has a responsibility to know. Men who sleep around can expect no free meal in life!

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  • If he has contacted you, maybe he doesn't want to know. Let him come to you. Also, if he is going to suggest aborting the child, f*ck him. As soon as he suggested that, he gave up on that child.

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    • the aborton part was a typo. he said I should adopt. nevertheless, he still gave up on the child and denied her.

What Girls Said 11

  • i am in the same situation. I am 5 months preggers and the father of my child has been screaming abortion since we found out. it has been an up and down roller coaster since the beginning. I have heard peoples comments on you should have the childs father in the kids life-yada yada yada. But here is the thing- you can not make a man be a man and it takes more than dna to make a man a father. when you found out that you were preggers and told him- that due date is something that you will never forget. so why is it that he didn't call you to check on you throughout your pregnancy or during the time the the baby was expected to arrive? its because he does not give a flying fcuk. And you shouldn't give a fcuk either. You have to raise your child- not worry about raising a child and making a man have a relationship with his daughter. if you want to go on for the rest of your life not only raising a kid but also having to make up for this mans constanct yo-yoing in and out of you and your childs life then go for it. Contact him and let him know that his child is here and you are ready for all the drama that comes with dealing with an immature guy like that. If he wants to call he will call- your number, address, email, facebook, linked in, MySpace is probably all still the same. Do not bend for him. YOU DESERVE BETTER! Do not beat yourself up and worry about him. There is no way jerks like him are sleeping peacefully knowing they have there genes out there. I do not want my childs father in my life or my childs life. I have begged him to sign away his rights because he is praying that I will have a miscarriage. he knows that I am pregnant, has not called to check on me, will not tell his parents or friends that we are pregnant, and has decided that he wants to attempt to get back with his ex and not even tell her that he is expecting a child. I could blast him on social media outlets but I choose not too because I don't want him to be apart of my life because he will continue to resent me for not having an abortion. I don't deserve having to carry and raise a child and having to put up with his selfish- woe is me- I don't want to be a father crap. realize that women carry the child, birth the child, breastfeed, are there for every tear, poopy diaper, knee scrape, first anything, and are the main ones raising the children. a person would have to be a fool not to want to experience the miracle of life and see "themselves" in their little creation. If he wants to be involved he will call, let him file the papers, and fight for his child.

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  • He doesn't have any rights as of now, he didn't sign an affidavit of paternity so I'm betting his name is not on the birth certificate. I would call him. I don't think telling him he has a daughter is something that should be done through text or facebook. Tell him you had you daughter, and ask him if he wants to be involved, and ask if he has any questions. If he doesn't want to be involved, take his ass to court and get that baby some child support. The judge isn't just going to let him sign over his parental rights because he doesn't want to be involved. Depending on where you live, you have to agree to his signing over his rights as well. The law is different everywhere.. but unless you agree, he's not going to get off with being able to not pay child support.

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    • well unless the baby gets adopted my a new man that is in the mothers life he still has to pay child support even if he sigh away his rights

    • That's what I'm saying. He's not going to get away with having no financial obligation if that's what he's trying to do.

  • >>;

    This may sound kind of selfish, but, I'd tell him.

    I just wouldn't give him the choice of getting the baby.

    Then again, if one were to do that, I wouldn't tell him at all.

    If he knows that you had the baby, and he hasn't done jack, just let the dog lie. He obviously doesn't want anything to do with her.

    But, if you're really worried about you daughter resenting you because you didn't want to tell the deadbeat, then I guess you should tell him.

    Either way, don't do it unless you WANT to. Listen to what your heart tells you. Just remember, whatever you do has a good and bad outcome.

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  • I think you should call him, just once. Say that if he doesn't want to be in your child's life, its his decision but you just wanted to give him one last chance to meet her.

    At least you'll know that you tried, and that he is just a total schmuck for not wanting to know his amazing daughter. It's his loss in the end.

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  • I would definitely tell him.

    For both men and women,such things can be said,but once you see that little baby,your little creation,you magically have a change of heart.

    I would definitely tell him and ask him if he would like to at least see the baby.

    I would call him and tell him "I just wanted to let you know I had the baby" and maybe give away some details of what he/she looks like and either wait for his opinion or for him to say something or simply ask if he would like to see the baby.

    Definitely update and tell us what happens!

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  • PERSONALLY, I WOULD. JUST TO MAKE SURE. HE COULD HAVE JUST BEEN PISSED AT YOU FOR CONSIDERING ADOPTION RO THE REALITY OF IT COULDA HIT HIM. HE MAY FEEL DIFFERENTLY NOW, GIVE HIM ONE MORE CHANCE TO DECIDE. I'D WRITE HIM A MEESAGE ON FACEBOOK LETTING HIM KNOW THAT HE DOES HAVE A DAUGHTER AND THAT IF HE WANTS, HE CAN BE IN HER LIFE AND IF NOT TO DISREGARD THE MESSAGE AND DON'T SAY ANYTHING BACK.

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  • He obviously doesn't care enough to make contact (people don't just forget the due date of their baby). I wouldn't make the effort, unless you need him to pay child support or something.

    This makes me think he just wasn't ready for a child. Luckily for him he wasn't the strong woman (you) that had to go through pregnancy and labour alone.

    Congratulations on your baby, I'm sure you'll make a great mum :)

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  • I think he should know, just to know she's alive. I think you should text him.

    I had a friend who had a baby when she was 16 and the father walked out while she was 6 months pregnant. She told him over Bebo. He made an effort to see the baby for a few months then didn't see him again.

    He does have some right to know she is alive and well, just text him.

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  • i would tell him and try to make a effort for him to me involve un the childs life because then if he wants to be a jerk and try to take custody he can't turn it around on you saying you didn't let him be involve when you did he just didn't want anything to do with her

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  • i think you should contact him just because of the fact its your childs father, and if he says screw you than at least you tried. if he's truly that careless about a beautiful little life he helped bring into this world than he's not worth it.

    just call him and say you had yalls daughter and was wondering if he wants to see her and be in her life

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  • he deserves to know and your daughter deserves to have her father in her life

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