Should he end the relationship, will he EVER realize what he is losing?

Met boyfriend 10 mos. ago. Great relationship; no fights/arguments. Due to our belief/faith, no sex w/o marriage. Not to say we do not show physical affection (intense at times) to one another. He 53 widower of 3.5 yrs, me 47 divorced for 4 yrs. We have spoken of marriage. Recently he has been distant; physically (lack of affection) as well as emotionally; idle chit chat instead of communication. After some prodding, he states that he has doubts about our relationship; whether he is ready for one (I am the 1st relationship, serious & otherwise, since his wife's passing) concerns about finances, health (I'm assuming due to his late wife's illness that led to her death), what we have to offer one another, our opposite work schedules (we see each other once a week due to my job & where I live), he even mentioned his concern of the possibility of me gaining weight? (I'm curvy, not fat. He has mentioned more often than not, resisting temptation is getting more & more difficult; always complimenting me on my feminine attributes). Told him that I nor life has guarantees, but I am not going to leave a great relationship because of that. Had this talk a few times within the past few weeks; feel as though I am trying to convince him to stay in the relationship. No one wants to be "talked" into a relationship. He states that he likes me ...a lot in addition to loving me. After these talks, I am apprehensive about coming on strong, so I pull back somewhat emotionally/physically. He comes on just as strong as before his pulling away; confusing me to no end! We had planned on my moving closer to him so we could see each other more often, now I am at a standstill. My job is closer to where I am now, but don't mind the drive knowing what the payoff would be. I am close to his kids (mine live in another state) & see me as a fixture in their lives (1 still lives @ home; 16 yrs. old). Again, even during these talks, no fighting. There is crying on my part, aggravation/annoyance (on both sides) but no fighting/arguing. I stated to him that I feel he is making excuses; dwelling too much on the what if's. So, since I am going out of town to visit my kids for a week, I asked him to take that time to look into his heart & really see me & whether or not I am what he truly wants. I told him he is worth fighting for & I will do whatever is in my power to make this work, but I can't do it alone; he has to want & put the energy into this as well. I Love him dearly & don't want to lose him; it's difficult to not want to pick up the phone or see him to tell him over & over again how much I Love, want & need him! I am a patient woman, yet, we are not kids anymore & life is short. I'm hoping this is normal behavior for a widower & he will realize that I can offer a fulfilling life, a different way, another point of view. I want & expect that if this relationship is to work, he needs to be consistent & want this to progress to marriage.


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What Guys Said 1

  • My guess is that he is still coping with the death of his first wife. It probably hurt him terribly and he is afraid to be hurt again. If you get along with each other, I think that trying to stick it out a bit longer is worth a shot. Although it needs to be a team effort, you may need to take the reigns from time to time. Best of luck to you.


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