I absolutely can't stand my fiance.

so I absolutely can't stand my fiance, we've been together for 2 years we have a child and I don't know why but I just flat out can't stand him. he treats me OK, he loves our kid, I hate him tho. I hate when he tries to kiss me, touch me or even talk to me.. but I love him and want to be with him. any time I even look at him I instantly am irritated, when he tries to talk to me I am a bitch I can't help it he just truly annoys me. I don't understand these feelings becuase I love him I really do but I just can't stand him. wtf do I do iv been thinking constantly for the last year about leaving him but iv tried and I can't for some reason. I don't know what the hell to do.

Updates:
well the problem is iv told him we need to have a break from each other, and have talked to him about it but he just blows anything I say off.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • omg I was going through the same exact thing with my boyfriend...i could not stand him and everything he did just really annoyed me.i didn't want sex from him and sometimes I didn't want him to even touch me..but then on the other hand I loved him so much and could not stand the thought of leaving him...and this is the classic case of falling out of love..i loved him but was not in love with him ,there was no spark and no romance(I always thought the was a bunch of bull when people said that too me but after it happened to me I know that it can really happen)...he was more like a great roomate and best friend...well I just decided after 6 months or so of having those feelings that I need to talk to him,he didn't not feel the same way in his mind everything was going great but I convinced him to go to theraphy to save the relationship...but anyways it worked for us and now our relationship is better then ever..and to be honest if you and your man have a child together and you really do love him I think you two could safe your relationship,you just need to work together and not be embaressed to talk about anything!

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    • Well that's good, I hope if we do go through counceling it'll make things better. and the problems not that we're embarressed to talk its that he doesn't listen, he blows it off every time he don't care. I want things to work mostly for our kid but also I love him... I don't know tho thank you for your answer :)

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What Guys Said 10

  • Then leave him. If things continue like this there will be an explosion of drama and violence between you two. Leave now while you still can on good terms.

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  • Perhaps you're just at the rock bottom point of your fluctuating mood?

    If you hated him enough, you would not still be together any more. But I guess the child be your excuse to actually hang around, because no kid should grow up without both parents being present.

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  • Seek a marriage counselor. You have kids, you say you love him, but you fight all the time. This is a serious situation, if you want to save your marriage you will need more help than this website can offer.

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  • You need counseling. This is way to complicated a problem to solve in a website. Seek professional help and do it soon or your marriage will destroy itself. Get marriage counseling.

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  • Maybe you resent him for some reason. You really should go to therapy with him to try to work this out for your child. If really can't stand him, you shouldn't marry him, this will only get worse. Tell him you are having some issues & feel like the two of you should see a counselor.

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  • Where's the hatred come from?

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  • ...F...U...C...K...T...H...A...T

    T...E...L...L...H...I...M...H...O...W...

    ...Y...O...U ...F...E...E...L

    I...F...Y...O...U...D...O...N...'...T...I...T...C...O...U..L...D...G...E...T...O...U...T...O...F...C...O...N...T..R..O...L

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    • IT IS TRUE (though)

    • i was bored so I messed with the look of my writing actually pretty fun

  • leave him, how could you be with someone you can't stand? it really makes no sense at all.

    but you have a kid... but he won't see a counselor... so leave him and take the kid, or leave him and just hope that he will find him a good mother soon.

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  • Take heroin.

    Nah, to be honest, I don't know... I've really never heard of a situation like that before. You should probably talk to him about it? See if he can, I dunno, help, and what he thinks might be for the best.

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    • Does he? Shitter. Well, that might be some of the reason why you hate him, ey? Maybe he's not the nice guy you make him out to be, or even, that you think he is. And part of you can feel that and makes you just want rid of him. I dunno... You know that old expression follow your heart? Its that little part of you know that knows what to do, like. This kinda thing happened to a lot of my aunties. And no offence to 'em, I love them, but they're a mess. Cos of it, like.

      I dunno.

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    • i think there's a homeless shelter in the next town over but I don't know about that crap

    • Hm. That's not really very stable, either, for you and a kid. I dunno. I'm sure you could try and make something work. Talk to some friends or family, perhaps?

  • i'd say couples counsiling

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What Girls Said 7

  • I don't think a break will help. HAve you been feeling this way before you had your child or afterward? Allot of women do not understand that having children can be very traumatic pshychologically and physically, you may have put that trauma towards anger for your boyfriend. IF he ignores you then perhaps the two of you should just break up, you have a say in the relatiohsip as well, and if you 're not happy, and you do not want to work on it then you should leave.

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    • Yea like before I had my kid things were OK but it still kinda seemed like it was headed in this direction but after the baby came is when things got worse and its just him.. he would stay away from me and the baby and id get jelouse he could have fun and get drunk while I was overwhelemed with a newborn (dont get me wrong I love her so much but ofcourse I miss having me time if that makes any sence) my dad and others are trying to pass it off as post partem depression but I really don't think th

    • Well it is important for men to take care in the child raising. Maybe the problem isn't you, maybe he is just neglectful. A partner should not leave their newborn child, and new mother all alone to go party. He should also have let you go out with your girls or family. Greatest addition to trauma, and postpardum depression, is the woman not getting a break from her child. It is unhealthy to completely be isolated and care of an infant 24/7 with no break or help.

    • Yea I agree, that makes a lot of since. I just don't know iv also tried talking to him about spending time with his child at least but he didn't untill she was about 6 months and even at that its only like 30 min a day at the most. I just don't know how to straighten things out between us and I really want to for our daughter.

  • If you want to eventually marry him, I would suggest going to couples counseling. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It is my opinion that if you start a marriage with feelings of hate and resentment, it will only end badly and you also have to think about the child you two have. Sometimes children fair better when their parents are separated. You have to make a choice that is good for you and your child. I have realized after 5 years of marriage it ain't easy, so know what you are getting into and make sure it is the best choice.

    Good Luck!

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  • Go to therapy or counseling. You will most likely get a divorce if you marry him. You should really get to the root of your feelings, and your problem. Its not fair for you to marry him if you geel this way.

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  • Well did you finally get the nerve to take a break and how is it going.

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  • don't marry him. it's that simple. don't use your child as an excuse because staying together just for the children can be worse for them than you breaking up, if you can't stand your fiance then your child will grow up in a bad environment.

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  • Read the book "too good to leave, too bad to stay" (there's also an audio version). It helped me a lot.

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  • Divorce and have joint custody of your kid.

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