Girlfriend dumped me and started seeing someone else. Help!!!

My girlfriend of 3 and half months who I really liked and we had something very special dumped me yesterday. She said she met another guy about 12 days ago and has been hanging with him a lot. She said that they have made out and he is very serious about her. And she told me she wants to give it a try with him. She was not cold or brutal about it. She said she still has very strong feelings for me and realizes there is something special between us but she wants to try and see if there is anything concrete with this other guy because she likes him too. She is generally an indecisive person. And a little bit of a commitment phobe. What should I do. I still love her and want her back! Please help. Thank you.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The fact that you are still talking to her after she dumped you for another guy makes you look stupid. If there was something special between you and her then she would have never considered being with someone else to bone in the first place. Since she knows that you are sprung on her and won't move on, she is using every possible advantage that she can to have you in her life whenever and however she wants. You should never talk to her again and cut off communication. She has already "made out" (had sex in other words) with another guy and willing to "try" a relationship with him, and while that is happening she wants you to be there for her so you can have a front row seat. Secretly she is laughing her ass off while having her cake and eating it too because you "love" her. You should never put love above common sense and logic. Ignore her and start dating other girls. Don't wait for her, don't chase her, and for God sakes DON'T BE FRIENDS WITH HER! Trust me when I say she is getting her kicks out of this, especially by knowing that you will be there for her. You are being too nice and she is taking advantage of you. Move on.

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    • thank you for putting it straight to me. I agree with what you said. Its clear for me now. How do I make her think the opposite? no contact? no friends? I want her to realize that I don't care. And then I want her to want me.. to chase me. I should add, I am quite a good looking guy. Girls usually come up to me and talk to me.. This chick is really hot too.

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    • thanks again. but just in case she does come back..then what? how do I make her be with me on my terms.. ? Do I make her sweat it a bit. say something like I'm not ready yet to be with you agian. or never in a million years. or we had something special and you tainted it by hooking up with another guy. etc...?

    • philr to thetheme: agree whole heartedly

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What Girls Said 9

  • So let her "give him a try"...why do you care? You only dated her for 3 months, that isn't sufficiently enough time for her to feel a huge attachment to you. I hope I don't sound harsh in saying this, but you really need to move on. If you are this serious about her and she isn't reciprocating, then you deserve much better! If she had strong feelings for you, she would have picked you over the other guy. Why destroy a perfectly healthy relationship to get with a guy she only just met. Means her infatuation for him is stronger. Also, even if she admitted it to you, fact remains that she did cheat on you behind your back. Is that what you call love? I don't think so.

    Let her go. She isn't worth your time, trust me. Not many guys these days are as caring and express their emotions about girls as openly as you are. Soon she'll realize that and regret her decision. But it'll be too late by that time.

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    • thank you

    • from philr to seraphine I agree whole hardly with what you said

  • well, I am in the same situation right now ( but I was with him for about 2years and he dumped me for a girl he barely know) and I know how much it hurts and how much it is difficult for you but yo, let me tell you something, let her enjoy, let her give him a try...maybe she will notice how great you are and she will come back you know! if she has strog feelings for you, she will certainly come back to you. Just let her go and don't forget this quote : don't leave someone you love for someone you like ...

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    • thanks for your sympathy. I like the quote. won't forget it. let me know how your thing works out.

      have you thought about getting another boyfriend so your ex becomes a little jealous and starts thinking about you? does your ex still contact you? do you text/call him?

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    • *by forgiving

    • thanks..

      btw, what makes you feel that she's very cut up over it too (real hard).. ? Could you please elaborate.. I played it non chelant. acted aloof and cool as though I just met an acquaintance at the lounge and then paid no attention to her at all..

  • Well..

    She's a cheater, love. Do you really want to be with a cheater? Someone who you love and loves you back shouldn't do something like that.

    If she fears commitment, then maybe she just wants flings..

    But, if you really want to be in a relationship with her, let her go and if she really has 'strong feelings', she'll come back..

    Either from being dumped from the other guy or on her own.

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    • thank you. I kinda agree with your advice. But to be fair she did break up with me first and then started hanging ou with this other guy. Technically she didn't cheat. We are on no contact. I don't know if she is missing me. I haven't tried to find out. She hasn't contacted me either. I miss her like crazy. Can't stop thinking about her...

    • She met the guy about twenty days ago, right? While you two were still together? Depending on how fast she went with him, that should tell you she's been meeting with the guy for awhile.

      Hunny, I understand that you miss her, but it's not right for you to just be all moppy because she 'hung out' with someone else. If she did it once, she'll do it again. Zebras don't change their stripes. Don't be sad, though.. It'll make me sad..

    • philr to question asker: to quote you:"we had something very special dumped me yesterday. She said she met another guy about 12 days ago and has been hanging with him a lot. She said that they have made out", this makes it sound as though she told you the day she dumped you .is this how it went down or not?

  • I think that the best thing you can do is let her do what she's going to do. Maybe she'll realize that this is just a fling and she'll come running back to you. Honestly though, she did good on her part by NOT CHEATING ON YOU! So think of it as a plus.

    And on the "love" note, I totally believe in love at first sight, bla bla bla bla... but loving someone after three months seems a little clingy to me... sorry :(

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    • she broke up with him like a month ago.

      yeah I was clingy.

    • MAYBE YOU MISSED THE PART IN HIS POST WHERE THE DAY 2 WEEKS AFTER SHE MET THIS GUY SHE TELLS HIM THE MADE OUT BEFORE SHE HAD BROKEN UP WITH HIM. AND WANTS TO GIVE THIS GUY A TRY WHILE DURING THAT 2 WEEK PEROID SHE HUNG OUT WITH HIM ALOT.

  • If she's a commitment phobe that's a red flag right there. Move on, it sounds like she's stringing you along cause she expects you to be there if things don't work out with this other guy.

    Now that being said, if you still want her back BE CAREFUL. DON'T chase her, DON'T take her back as soon as she asks. If she knows you'll take her back instantly she won't give a second thought to taking off again just as fast.

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    • thank you. I agree completely. But when she does chase me and wants me back, then how do I play it? eventually I want her back. but what so I say in order to achieve that? Say I'm not ready yet? or never in a million years? etc..

    • Let me rephrase that, don't take her back as soon as she breaks up with the other guy and tries immediately running back to you. Don't be her back-up guy. Tell her you need some space and you'll contact her when you're ready. And here the thing, you're ready when you can ask her out and if she says no it's no big deal.

    • cool thanks

  • I'm sorry to say that I agree with the guys on this one. She is keeping you around so that if this thing doesn't work out with this other guy, then she can come running back to you. You are her back up plan. It sucks because you love her but she is obviously not in love with you. Move on honey and don't let her use you.

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    • what if she does come back, then do I just say no..make her suffer a little bit? make her regret it? And then maybe if she really really shows it, I get back with her?

    • philr to all the girl responders here answering the question asker: I am totally amazed that ever girl here has said virtually the same thing kudo's to you all.

  • Awe, you poor thing...

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    • i need a huggie

    • link

      Just for you

    • loll that's not the kind of huggie I meant! hahah Xx

  • FIRST OF ALL, you guys never should have spoke of this. Ex's until they are fine as being friends should never talk about their newest hook ups. I understand that she didn't want to hurt you and risk you finding out from someone else but I still think its better to cut off all contact until you guys can have a normal healthy FRIEND relationship.

    It seems like you care about her, most guys these days don't even feel like that toward girls so I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're a good guy. honestly if you are this good guy, you don't need a girl like her who is toying with your heart. she's trying to have her cake and eat it too by telling you she still has feelings for you while she's trying to go out with another guy.

    my advice? move on. it will be hard at first but trust me you don't need a girl like this in your life. she gives us all a bad name because there are so many girls out there that will work on a good relationship instead of running off to someone else. good luck!

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  • Not good! I think this girl is too insecure,she don't really know what she wants.. How can a woman be sure if this other guy is serious if she met him 12 days ago? and you 3 1/2 months.. am sorry but this don't make sense,she loves no one! think about it.. not worth it! if she has strong feelings for you still,she has never ever done this to you.. move on..actions speak louder than words..best wishes

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    • But people change. ANd I smothered her too much. I was clingy and needy. I blame me for teh break up. I realize my mistakes. And I want to be with her. What's your advice on me getting her back based on what you know & think of her. I've seen the other guy. He is a douche bag. I saw her at a club this weekend. And she made out with me after he went home. She admitted she missed me and that she still thinks about me..

What Guys Said 9

  • if you love her you set her free if she comes back she's yours if not it was never meant to be. at least that's the old saying. your girlfriend may say she still has strong feelings for you but yet she'e willing to risk that 3 1/2 months invested in you to excuse me (TRY OUT ANOTHER GUY

    TO SEE IF THINGS CLICK WITH THEM) if it was me I'd be pissed she 'd even say this to me . you say she wasn't cold well this to me is freezing and this post is 9 months old.

    i haven't read what anyone else has said yet or if anyone else has even posted.

    during this trying out this guy phase she's going through what is she expecting you to do sit back and twiddle your thumbs and wait while she tries this guy out. to top it all off she in escence was cheating on you while still in a relations ship with you by the making out ipesode she admited to you. you say she's an indicsive type person ,sounds as though she was very decisive about cheating ,then telling you all about it then leaving to (?try out this guy) not cold just cold hearted to do those things to you while in a relationship. she even told you she was doing major hanging out with him for 2 weeks most likely shortly before your break up. she may have even iniated the

    make out secession as well.

    now tell me you still think you love this girl. and do you still think she cares about you. oh, she may but now its probably "just a friend statis"

    drop her like a rock ,don't communicate with her ,no txting,no phone calls / no Facebook or any type communication. let her feel that if she thinks "just a friend statis is OK with you well its not and shouldn't be.

    i see there hasn't been any updates on this so I'll also assume that she hasn't come back and she's still with this guy she cheated on you with or maybe even with another guy she found more intersting than the one she dropped you for.

    please do update be interested in how all this played out

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    • i went no contact for 7 months. she broke up with the guy about 1.5 months ago. came back to me. I've been hooking up with her. but I don't love her. if I meet someone I like more, I'll drop her like a hot plate. but it will be tough cause she's pretty amazing

    • philr to questionasker: she was with this guy the better part of 6 months lord only knows what she did with him while with him .(if you've had any sexual contact with her you may want to get checked out for STD's ) if you've read any of these responses practically every one here suggested you leave this girl totally out of your life. she's no good for you she's a slow acting poison and eventually try to destroy you emotionally. if this girl has to be in your life at all it should be just as frie

  • If it takes a girl 12 days to move on then you didn't have anything special to begin with. If it takes you 3 1/2 months to fall in love then you are inexperienced and not in love with the girl but simply in love with the idea of it all. It's all an idealization you've cooped up because of you're inexperienced.

    I'm ignoring the fact that she made out with another guy while in a relationship with you. Where is your pride?

    Blunt but true.

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    • I agree. If she's willing to throw away 3 & a half months with you for just 12 days with this dude, either he's brad pitt or what you have didn't really mean anything to her. In which case as this guy said, where is your pride...you should cut her off man, I've been in a similar position

  • What do you do? Well I wouldn't recommend letting her try out guys as if they were clothes. She can't have too strong of feelings for you if she 1) Makes out with other guys when she's still with you, and 2) Decides to give this other guy a trial run before she makes up her mind. My advice is to move on from this girl because she isn't worth the time. Find somebody or something that is worthy to take up your time and energy.

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    • thanks brando. but the thing is that I really like her and feel "shes the one" I'm not a teenager or a kid. I'm 29. Have had plenty of girlfriends, but the way I feel about this one is completely different form anyone else. If I stopped her, then I would come across as possessive and insecure. Now I'm in a bit of a jam. I saw the other guy, he's a balding douche-bag loser. Just has a good job and is intelligent. I know my ex still likes me. Plus she is super attracted to me. Advice...

    • She still isn't acting like a mature adult if she's close to your age as well. She's treating boyfriends and their feelings like they are nothing. You need to realize that yes, you do feel for this girl but she isn't treating you good. Trying to forget about the negatives (which are pretty big negatives here) by thinking of the positives isn't really going to help you. I would still dump her and move on.

  • Let her go. Because if she did mean what she said, she wouldn't have left for such a small reason. She is stringing you along because she's knows that she can. You need to cut ties with her

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  • I suggest you avoid her as much as you want her. You're her second choice, not her priority.

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    • yes. but how do I make me her priority and not second choice. I'm way better looking than the other guy. I'm cooler, funnier etc.. how do I act now? I'm on no contact. we don't talk to each other. I drink to wash away the pain. I'm a bit of a mess. I've started lifting weights and bought cool clothes. she's noticed when she saw me at a party

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    • The answer to that is you don't. Confused? Show her at parties that your value is way above the guy, simply by giving her little to no attention. Talk with other girls, you can pull the make her jealous card to have her think about why she's with her current boyfriend and not you. Girls want the best and when she realizes that you're the alpha male, the ball will be in your court.

    • thanks

  • Wow she is really f***ed up and that is not normal! No normal person would do that to someone. There is seriously something wrong with her.

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  • Wow man, same thing happened to me. I missed her for a while (2 weeks now) and now it makes me sick to even see a picture of her. She'll never get another chance with me, if she did it once, she'll do it again. Don't give he another chance. Just get over it like the rest of us...

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    • thanks for the honest advice

  • Wow, this is almost the exact same situation I've been in the past few months! We had a great connection but due to distance/ time constraints (her words) we split. Within a week she was seeing another guy. And a guy she has known for a while and knew has liked her for a while. She didn't even have feelings for him but decided to give it a shot as he is a 'nice guy' (her words again!).

    I went through the same reaction. I missed her, I wanted her back etc etc. But after a month of NC (initially because I thought it would win her back) I've realized she is not worth my time or heart. Chemistry is not enough. Trust and commitment are the foundations of any relationship and by her willing to give another guy a try she is basically not ready for any meaningful relationship with you nor deserves one. Move on like I have and you'll find someone better.

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    • was your chick mostly an indecisive person? Mine is. And a bit of a commitment phobe too.

      After 1 month of NC, did she attempt to contact you? Did you try to get another chick to make her jealous? Mine has been texting me lately..

    • Yeah she is indecisive and hasn't had a serious relationship for a while either (I know she was hurt by an ex who cheated). She hasn't got in touch (but she's also stubborn) and I doubt will unless I do first. I just can't be bothered anymore. I did hook up with another chick but it didn't really feel right but I'm no longer interested in making her jealous. I'm just working on moving on with my life so maybe you'll be able to do the same.

    • thanks man. even when I try to get with another girl, it doesn't feel right. and the problem is that if you and I try to re-connect, our chicks won't have the same respect for us. the key is to get them to chase us and tell us how they feel and initiate getting back together. so let me know when you figure out how to do that. I think 1 small step is getting another chick to make her jealous. But what else can we do? any tips..

  • I had a girl take a dump on me in the shower once...was just supposed to pee on me...the smell was so bad I threw up on her, so we called it even.

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