I talked to my ex today, please help me get through this.

Okay...where to start. I have a few older posts explaining my situation, so if you need to know something you can probably find them in there, or ask..doesn't matter. Anyway, this is the girl of my dreams, and after being broken up for months, I had to let her know how I feel. I didn't want to play games...I spilled my heart out to her, I didn't want to lose her for good by not contacting her. She knows what I am going through and doesn't want to hurt me. But I got to chat with her today...her phone was broke so it was the only way I could talk to her.

I told her to be honest and if you are undecided, or really not talking to me because you don't want to hurt me. During our relationship, her ex that she hasn't spoken to in 10 years called her. He lives out of state in her hometown. She said they broke it off on good terms, but they were talking about marrying when they were together. She wasn't sure if she still had feelings for him, but she started being distant with me, and eventually broke it off and called him. So in the few months we been apart, she's been talking to him, and she said he recently came to stay with her. She told me she is seeing where it goes from there and that maybe one day things might be different and that there is still a chance we might be able to get back together. When we broke up, we never fought or anything and she broke it off on good terms and she says there is nothing wrong with me.

My question is, even after spilling my heart out to her telling her how I know she is the love of my life (and she is)...but I did accept and told her I understand and I hope he loves her as much as I do and that she will be happy with him-- Does anyone think there is still a chance? If there is, what are some of the best things I can do not to screw up my chances of getting her back. No contact?, just friends...she does want to be friends, but I don't know how hard it will be...and would she ever think of me in a romantic way again if we did chat now and then. Or should I just give her time to miss me, and maybe she will realize she really does have feelings for me.

Or did I screw up my chances of her ever wanting me again?...I am not crazy, just in love with the love of my life, and it's tearing me apart inside out. Any advice will be much appreciated. What did I do wrong,what did right, and what should I do from here? I already heard move on, and I know that ( but I still want her, she truly is the one, and it's too hard to not do everything I can to get her back someday), but some serious helpful information would be much appreciated.

I don't want to steal her from the guy she is with now, but rather see if she has true feelings for me...why on earth would I feel like that about another women, If there was no connection, so there has to be a chance that it was meant to be. Thanks in advance!

Updates:
Yea I am normally one to use logic and common sense the best. But she really got to me. Hopefully I will meet someone else. it was just too hard to think like that, before I got the closure I felt I needed. Even if I spilled my heart out for her.
I will let her go and won't hold back. But out of curiosity, if I stay out of touch from her, you all think she may think back on the things I said to her, and try to get back together with me? Or will she always think of me as needy..etc?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You messed up by chasing her, screwed up by telling her your feelings, and threw away your chances by letting her have her cake and eat it too. She KNOWS how you feel about her, and by knowing she can do anything and you will always be there she will do anything she wants. You have given her all the power, and the worse thing is that you have been put in limbo and allowed yourself to be put there. You have helped her to shore and she is letting you drown. She dumped you and gave you the whole "it's not you it's me" speech and you fell for it. Let me guess, you treated her good and everything is going well. Then months later she dumps you and it's "unexpected". Typical game that women play. She's talking about she wants to MARRY another guy and you are still in the picture still trying to be with her? Spilling your heart out doesn't work, it makes you look desperate and clingy. You haven't moved on, which tells her that you still cling to her. If she was really the love of your life, she would still be with you and would NEVER talk about getting married to someone else. She just gave you a front row seat to watch her be with another guy and you are willingly sitting giving your manhood and self respect away by giving her your blessing. If she sent you a video of her having sex with this other guy, would you still love her and want her then? She has already given you that picture, and by you accepting it she is secretly laughing her ass off, enjoying the fact that she is getting what she wants. You put all your cards on the table, and now the surprise and the suspense is gone. You are no longer a challenge. You were way too nice, and she used it to her advantage. That should give you a hint on how to treat a women for her to stay with you, women don't like nice guys... NEVER talk to this girl again, cut off all communication, don't be "friends" with her because it won't work, move on and start dating other girls asap. You say you don't want to lose her, but you already have lost her. The only chance you have is if she comes after you in a romantic way. Being "friends" is not an option. The "friendship" ended when feelings got involved. Don't be an emotional tampon to her. You must work on yourself now. Stop putting "love" over common sense and logic.

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What Girls Said 3

  • If she has to test her feelings for you by seeing someone else then she is not serious about you. When someones in love, no one else can get in the way of that. But somebody caught her eye. I know you probably think you should wait for her in case she wants you, and you are probably all for that idea. But I have been in that situation, and the constant pain of getting my hopes up, then getting let down, is worse than just accepting it, hurting for a while and moving on. Because now I don't even have my dignity left to show for it. I've lost who I am because I know just how weak I can be, and now I know that there's someone out there who knows he has the power to make me give up everything for another chance with him. I have begged, I have poured my heart out, I have offered to change myself and my life. Nothing will work. Your ex is cruel for giving you false hope, and allowing you to put your life on hold. Its not going to be the same as it was ever. You are just an option, find someone who will make you a priority. It may be hard, but its going to be the best thing for you.

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  • It's good to hear that and I know how you feel on that completely. She may or may not but I'm sure by that time you'll have moved on trust me. She doesn't seem worth it to me and you seem like a great guy with a good head on your shoulders. You just be positive and whatever negative thoughts you have block them out. If you haven't yet, check out the book/movie called "The Secret". It's awesome and it'll help you get what you want in every aspect of your life. Its all about the laws of attraction. :)

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  • Alright I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes you just have to LET IT GO. Its the hardest thing when you're in love but her heart is not into it. I can just tell by the way you described her. You can't force someone to be with you and you can't convince them because even if they did it would be out of pity and you wouldn't want that. She's not worth it and trust me you will find better. I promise you that. Be confident. Don't let her get the best of you. You seem like a kind and caring person with a great heart and someone will appreciate you and love you for it. Be positive and wait it out. Sometimes when you pour out your feelings to someone they get scared off. Some people can't handle it. Nobody likes a clinger. Let her go and if its meant to be she'll come back. Do your thing and meet people and try and be happy because you've lived without her before...you can do it again

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What Guys Said 2

  • Dude, you already screwed up. Letting her go and being OK with it is one of the worst moves you could make.

    She broke it off with you because she's still in love with her ex - let her go because it's of your best interest and time to find a girl who's gonna respect you and not mess with your feelings.

    Stop being 'in love' with this girl and use your logic, rather than your emotions, to see things better. Women do this sort of thing to guys who HAVE NO CONTROL of the relationship. You let them do what they want and they'll end up doing the stupidest things which will end up sabotaging the relationship.

    As much as I wish it could be easy telling a girl how I feel, it's not. You gotta keep your mystery and let her keep guessing what you're thinking about her. Tha'ts known as 'game' and keeps the girls coming back.

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    • And if you don't take this advice into consideration, then God be with you in the enduring heartbreak you'll keep experiencing until you gain control of your emotions and cut her loose. Don't bother chasing her, she's not worth it.

    • Yea I know...but this is a little different, and she deserved to know the truth...because if by not saying anything was not helping...but I will try to move on. I will, but do you think there is a chance that she will contact me again? If things don't work out between them? Or if she realizes that she does miss me, if I just leave her alone for a while without trying to be friends...at least not now. It's hard to be friends with someone you love like that.

    • Dude, as I've said, cut her loose. Go out and meet new girls. Don't keep her as a friend. The girls I'm attracted to = relationship or nothing at all. Ugly girls = friends, nothing more. This girl dumped you, so walk away. It doesn't matter if it doesn't work out between her and the ex - she put you 2nd and you ALLOWED her to put you 2nd best.

  • Hi again brother ! Ignore my answer given in your last question. I think I have found a perfect answer for your situation and mine. You truly love her right ? Then forget everything about world, forget that what she thinks about you, forget that will she love you or not. Your world is only she. Sacrifice anything for her, do what she says, believe what she says, make her happy as much as you can, and never to hurt her. At least this will make you happy and give comfort to your heart. I know this might seems strange for you or any other reader but that is the last option, for me at least. GOOD LUCK !

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