Backround- I was absolute bestfriends with this boy for 3 years. However, we loved each other deeply, but was always on and off about dating. Whenver I would give him a chance he would hook up wit other girls, and I would explain to him that if he wants to date me he has to prove that he's sorry. He never proved it. I kept giving him chance after chance. 3 years roll by and he is still continuing. However, at this point I can't handle it anymore and I have a complete panic attack in front of him after finding out he hooked up with two more girls. He then dropped me completely, and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the semester. This was my best friend... then he graduated and reached out to try a relationship again. I gave in but I was destroyed by everything that we just argued about my trust issues with him. Then I got super drunk to the point where I don't remember anything. Basically, I was having an emotional breakdown about everything he did to me for 3 years and I hit him multiple times apparently. I feel guilty, and ashamed. That is unlike me, as I am such a gentle and forgiving person. He cut me off again, and I am not sure what to do. Yes, i know what I did was completely wrong, and I am seeking therapy to cope with all the years worth of damage because I reached my breaking point. I just am lost. What should I do?