Breaking up with my emotionally unavailable boyfriend?

I used to like emotionally unavailable relationships, I used to just like having fun with a guy, letting things run their course and then ending on good terms.

However, with my current partner. I cared about him long before we got together. I tried not to, but you can't help who fall for.
We've been on and off for three years. When it's good it's great, but I've found, especially for the last two years, that I'm always on eggshells around him. When he wants his space I do give it to him, but I'm afraid to even text him in that time incase it annoys him.
I feel like I can't talk to him about all the things that are wrong in our relationship because he won't want to have that conversation.
When we go through rough patches, it's like I'm the only one fighting for us.
Like I said, we've broken up a few times in the past, but everytime I end things with him, he won't leave me alone.
I've kind of reached the point where, I know I'm always going to care about him way more than he cares about me, and nothing between us is ever going to change.

I am going to end things for good this week, I just need a way to say that I'm always going to have feelings for him without sounding patronising, and way to end it that let's him know not to come after me this time?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You like him and it doesn't sound like he's abusing you. If isn't broken, don't fix it. He didn't break anything why should he fix it? I mean relationships aren't all the same and you get different out comes depending on what type of person you're attracted to or the person you choose to be with. It sounds like you're very emotional right now and you just need look at good things he brings to your relationship. If you need someone to talk to, why don't you just throw a guy in the friend zone and dump your emotional baggage onto him or get a therapist?

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    • I'm not asking him fix anything. I'm not asking for anything from him. Genuinely.

      I don't need a therapist to know that my relationship is over.
      It should have been over 2 years ago.

    • @Napoli Alright. I hope you find what you looking for in the future.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It is not a relationship you are living with him. Why do you torture yourself? You deserve better than an eggshell lol you are not his shrink. He needs to grow up and handle his problems.
    Finish it for real. A relationship should make you feel happy satisfied. Find a guy who make you live all these. There are those guys fortunately. If you really want to finish, you will. You know it.

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    • We don't live together. We're basically friends with benefits at this point.
      I know I'm not his shrink, but at the same time, he's been throught a lot and he's dealing with a lot. I'm not making excuses, but I do feel hugely protective towards him. Like I want to make sure he's ok.
      I know what you mean, I just feel like I've got nothing left.

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    • Thank you, lovely xx

      I understand what you are saying, but I am not trying to make him miss me. I do just want to be done with it this time, you know? I wouldn't have the energy to go through this again xx

    • You are welcome. good luck

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • If I was you I'd blame myself for focusing on superficial relationships in the past and accept that it's my past mistakes that got me here... if you'd been looking for an emotionally fulfilling relationship since you started dating and turned down anything you knew wouldn't have a legitimate future, you wouldn't be in this situation

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    • I don't regret being with him. I dont regret being in love with him. I'll always be in love with him.
      He's been hurt before, I can tell that. He struggles with gambling, He hasn't had it easy, and I think part of me stayed around to try to protect him from those things.

      I don't regret my earlier relationships, because I have only fond memories.

      If getting my heart broken this badly was some kind of "punishment" for something, then so be it, but I've never done anything to hurt anyone... but at the same time, we all have our life lessons. Maybe this was mine.

    • all I'm telling you is that you are where you are now because of what you did in your past. This is your karma. Karma translates literally into the word 'doing'.

      Don't think of it as a punishment. This is your doing.

  • This is a classic case of reaping what you sew. You can't care and uncare at the same time, and what you will now need to do is distance yourself from emotion and do what needs to be done.
    Advice, take some time out and figure out what you really need in a relationship. A good healthy relationship will feel rewarding, but you will never achieve this if you don't learn the lessons of the past. :) Good luck

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  • Never understood why women enjoy torturing themselfs in relationships that will go nowhere

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    • I used to say that the old me would have walked away three years ago... but I love him. I can't help it.

      That isn't going to change, even though there is nowhere for us to go

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    • I guess just silly 😅

    • @SageFlora Thank You! I would, I want to, but I don't feel like I have the energy to talk about it right at this moment.
      Can I take you up on that another day? Thank you though :)

  • See what you feel inside about your relationship in future. U want spend whole life with him. Or u want to be with him whole life as friend. Ask so many questions to your self as what u want to be with him now and in future. And make decisions according to it. Then try to develop relationships if you want to future with him. Actually inner we know what we want and what not. So be strong and make decisions. Just true for yourself. Good luck.

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    • There is no place for us in each other's lives after this.

      We've just exhausted everything.

      Thanks though :)

  • Breaks up with but tell him your there for him that you love him but you don't feel any spares anymore

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  • So, how did you get to be so self-destructive?

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    • Me? Or us?

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    • I don't get want you mean by self-destructive? I'm sorry if I sound like an idiot

    • *What

  • Oh well good for you sister!

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What Girls Said 2

  • Let him down easy. You don't know his emotional reaction. tell him you need a break and you will be in touch yourself when you can be friends. Patronize him.

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  • Agree to disagree!

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