Let go of the issue or dig deeper?

My boyfriend and I are High School sweethearts. We've been together on and off for nine years. As far as I know we are each others one and only's. That was until this past summer any how. We had gotten back together in May and I was moving into his place. He talked of wanting to marry me and talked about the farm house we were going to have and all those sappy dreams couples talk about.

Anyhow, we share mutual friends who are also a couple. My friend passed along a piece of information from her boyfriend that my guy had been with a girl last year and he had oral sex with her. I was blown away, absolutely shocked and furious. I went straight to my guy and confronted him.

He was pretty calm and tried to calm me down by holding me still and told me that he made it up. He gave me details that my friend didn't even know about. He said it was a girl from work that his friend met one night. His friend was going on about how hot she was. When my boyfreind and I broke up last year for like a week he got drunk with this guy. He said he was hurt and his friend was pushing him about hooking up with other girls and this girl in particular... so my boyfriend made up a story that she and he were fooling around in the hotel rooms white at work (They work at a hotel.) to make his friend shut up.

My boyfriend has since stopped working there. He's got a lot riding on this job and I don't see him chancing losing his job for a fling.

I took him back, however I gave him hell for months about it and we fought all the time. He even got to the point where he said he would have been better off lying to me and telling me it actually happened. That hurt and thus I dropped it because I was doing more damage than good.

SO we were happy for a while and then I find that he's hiding phone calls from me. I'd been sitting next to him when he got a phone call and asked who it was while leaning over his shoulder to see. I clearly read a girls name as he told me it was a 1-800 number. I flew into a rage and started to pack my things telling him it was over. I told him if he wanted anything to work between us he needed to fess up because whatever he was doing was killing us.

He gave me his phone records and proceeded to tell me what each number was. He confessed that he'd been talking to the girl from his work on and off since they started working together. He said they were just co-workers and they talked about work. Though he won't say they were friends at all I know they were. She was there when I wasn't and I'm fine with it. He's cut off contact with her and says he doesn't miss it at all. He said he doesn't care about her and never did.

I want to let this go but I've been twisted around by him so many times and this relationship means a lot to me. And I knew that he loves me... he does a lot that shows it despite these issues. Should I walk away? Should I let time do its healing? Or should I ask this girl straight up if she's fooling around with my boyfriend?


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  • It is my understanding that you feel cheated and this itch is going to keep nagging at you until some closure is made. Putting the past to rest is extremely difficult.

    What I suggest is taking a break from everything. Not a break up but time to yourself to relax! You need this time for you.

    It would be a good idea to reconsider your entire relationship during this time. Take his feelings out of the equation and focus on yourself. It's easy to mix both your feelings together and come up with an answer that isn't totally accurate for you.

    Is he worth keeping? If you were, for the majority of the time, happy then let the healing begin! If you realize you were just making excuses and convincing yourself then it might be time to cut your losses. Your at a cross road. Keep it or leave it.

    I'm going to assume you want to keep your relationship with him. What needs to happen is to remove the splinter that is driving you crazy.

    Come to terms with what happened. Am I saying what he did was okay? No. Absolutely not. Am I saying that he can do what ever he wants and get away with it? No! But in order to move on, you need to allow yourself to move on. No relationship lives on grudges but on trust. If your in this relationship it is because you want to be. Trust your partner not to cheat again. Yes, you'll be vulnerable. You can get hurt again. That's the risks we all take in all relationships. You've done all the steps you can take. He isn't contacting her anymore. The next is to rediscover each other. Come to the relationship anew. Leave the past where it falls and focus on your future.

    Do NOT speak to this girl. You will never know the truth from her and you may end up frustrated with more questions than before. I hate to say it but you never know the people in this world or what they will do. Unless you carry a lie detector with you when you go but I'm going to assume you don't.

    Some may not agree with my opinions or course of action. But this is how I see it.

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    • I like your advice. I especially emphasize the take your time off and take a break part. Have girl time and have some fun! A relationship CAN be stressful sometimes and alone time is the best time to cool down!

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