I can't let them go?

My past couple relationships I broke off for valuable reasons. I felt like the connection wasn't right or it just working for another reason. But they were all valuable. The probably is after I break things off, I can't seem to stay away. I usually end up calling them, or talking to them. Its happened every time! I see them and find the good things aout them again. But I know its not working. So what do I do, how do I let them go for good?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • All the answers so far by the girls are excellent. It is hard to lose that support you had from another person, to be without anyone you can talk to and be with romantically. Extremely hard, sometimes, in fact. But you have to be your own person too, and you broke it off for good reasons and have to remember those reasons.

    Sometime we only remember all the good times, and they overshadow the bad, and then we regret. You need to make sure you continue reminding yourself of those reasons it didn't work. Also, busy yourself with hobbies, reading, movies, going out with friends and having a good time, and they'll just slip naturally from your mind, and you'll realize you're doin' just fine on your own :)

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    • ehhh huh...sooo that's how guys do it eh?! hahhaha...

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    • that's quite sad... you forget all of the good times? I think it's good to remember the good, but still keep in mind why it didn't work out. if you have good memories, keep them! some day you'll wish you had

    • Yeah that's what I meant. I don't think one should forget all the good times. Just don't focus solely on the good

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I know why, its lack of maturity, yeah I said it. To me you are idealizing relationships too much, you seem to be looking for this amazing relationship with the guy in the shinny armor, only that when you find out the guy its not like your fantasy you get away from them. The funny thing though is that when you know that they are doing better than you, or that you are not getting the same attention again you want to go back to the relationship, as you situation right now as crappy and lonely. Seriously if a guy is treating you well and you fell with him in the first place, what is the need to break up with them?. Stop thinking that relationships are all about having relationships with models, who are bad ass and are poets. Grow up!

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What Girls Said 4

  • you have to cut those ties its hard but I try to give myself thirty days before I talk to them again or get a friendship with them...i did the same thing you did though for years and ended up with a bunch of men in my life that just werent all bad but not for me lingering around hitting on my wanting sex and you can't start anything new like that...you have to give yourself time make some rules for yourself relationships don't have to end bitter you can be friends but you need self control and limits or else your gonna look around one day and all the men you have around will be failed relationships with no boundaries random sex partners who yeah there nice there friends but there not real with you

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  • Well, it's hard to let relationships go...even the ones that we KNOW for a fact aren't working. Because when you started the relationship, you put your whole heart into it and that's big. But it's good that you can see that the reasons were GOOD reasons...because that tells me you know yourself and you're absolutely honest with your self - which is the FIRST step of moving on.

    As far as starting to talk to them again - it's just because you miss the companionship that those relationships offered. The only thing you can do is really truly FORCE yourself not to call them. It's like an addiction...there's going to be a withdrawal period where you're going to be very tempted to contact them again. But as time passes, this will get less and less. It helps to keep yourself busy with friends, family, work, school and hobbies.

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  • I've been in a similar situation before and it is very hard to let go of someone who once made you happy and that you had feelings for.You have to remember that there is so many other people out there and one of them could be right for you.Keeping yourself busy,going out with friends and pre occupying yourself with other men,like even at bars or something.To take your mind off the past relationship..You should try telling yourself that you can let them go,because you can..And to be honest,when I've found it hard to let someone go..and eventually did let them go..I never went back and it was the best thing I ever did,because I'm happier without them..And remember you don't need them..As hard as it is to let go,you can take one step at a time...Keeping yourself busy really helps and your friends could help you through it..Another way is deleting their number.So that way you can't contact them...Also maybe think of the pros and cons if you were to go after them again..Is it worth it?

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  • you need to find new sources of intimacy...that's what you're missing...you need to enjoy your time with other people in a similar way to the lcoseness of your ex bfs

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