Would you forgive a cheater?

If you were cheated on by your significant other (be it your Girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife), Would you forgive them?

After they decided to have sex with someone else for whatever reason; If they flirted with another person; If they confided in the opposite sex (or in some cases same) in a way that they should you, Will you forgive them?

Personally, I forgave once... It was about 17 years ago, I was 15 and my then girlfriend cheated on me. I forgave her, only for me to catch her again making out with some other guy. Her sorry ass excuse is that I did not kiss her unless we were in a private setting and she wanted me to kiss her in a public setting. I don't agree with public displays of affection; quite frankly, it disgusts me. I broke it off, and vowed to never cheat on anyone, and to never forgive ANYONE who cheat on me.

I keep that mentality even today. I was cheated on three times after that situation, and I did not give a second chance to any of them. No matter how much they begged... How much they plead... No matter how many times they claimed they would never do it again... I did not forgive.

Would you forgive betrayal at the hands of your significant other?

I would prefer explanatory answers.

  • I would not give the bitch/bastard a second chance!
    Vote A
  • I would only give them one chance... If they cheat again, It is over.
    Vote B
  • I would forgive them, even if they cheated on me again, and even then, I will forgive them
    Vote C
  • I would, because the most likely reason s/he cheated, was out of retaliation of my cheating...
    Vote D
Select a gender to cast your vote:
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Updates:
For future reference:


To forgive IS to take them back! Not taking them back is to not forgive.


How can you forgive if there is no action besides words. Without actions, it is implied you do not forgive.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If they do it once, they'll do it again. Taking them back is just like letting them get away with it. I wouldn't forgive anyone for doing that and I'd never even talk to someone I dump or who would cheat on me.

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    • Well Said!

      We have a winner here!

      Thank you for your participation!

      My only question is to you, Would you date a guy who cheated on someone else?

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    • Well said but I know so many women who claim that "the past is the past" in this matter and when it comes to the number of sexual partners that they've had.

    • The past is what defines you. If you have cheated in the past, you have defined yourself as a cheater. Given the logic you presented ericneo, murderers should not be imprisoned, because the past is the past.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 36

  • It would depend on the situation. I have a bit of a different kind of relationship than most people. I'm in an open relationship, so my partner and I are okay with each other having sex with other people, but we are completely honest with each other about what we do and who we do it with. That said, cheating for us would be to fool around with someone else behind each others' back and not tell each other about it. If I found out my partner did that, I would want to talk to him about it and find out why he didn't feel comfortable telling me about it. Depending on his explanation and the conversations we had about it subsequently, I would decide whether or not I wanted to stay with him.

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    • I don't agree with open relationships due to the propensity of jealousy.

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    • My disbelief in open relationships is not to be interpreted as me saying that nooone else should have them. I am a "straight shooter"... So straight that If I wanted to say that no one should do it, I would say that and not dance around the subject.

      No offense, but women typically are not direct and for that I understand why you would assume I had hidden meaning within my words. But I say to you, I am absolutely direct! So direct that I mean what I say and say what I mean.

    • Perception is what makes us unique... I agree. My perception of "loyalty" is akin to "simper fidelis"... Basically, it does not translate well into english. To me, loyalty is fosaking those opposite of us. Much like a marriage vow.

      You seem interesting enough... Instead of airing dirty laundry on the forum, We shall conclude this "debate" privately. I still find you to be an interesting person... Otherwise, I would not be spending this much energy with you... LOL

  • That's a tough one. I don't know if I could forgive it. I think it would depend on the person and what lead up to the cheating. Trust would be lost for sure, and it would take a really long time to earn back if I decided to give them that option. I don't think a cheater is always a cheater, but certainly they are more prone to cheat if they have done it once. The first time is scary and if you get caught and get another chance, it's almost like giving them the green light to do it again. The person would have to show genuine remorse and I would have to be over the moon in love with them to look past it once...NEVER TWICE

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  • In my opinion, forgiving them and taking them back after cheating is almost the same as getting back together after a break up period during which they were sleeping with someone else. If they cheat, it's over and I won't be sleeping with them again, so in effect, the minute they cheat they are single.

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    • It is one in the same... You did not read the update? Never mind, but simply to take them back is forgiving them. Not taking them nack is not forgiving.

    • Now that I think of it, I misread your post... My appology... I was doing 3 things at once...

      In hindsight, I can say this... I probably would not get back with any of my exes, especially if they realize that I may have been the best guy for them... Even moreso if they dealt with jerks after me... I could not bring myself to having a relationship other than platonic... I tried to explain that to the same ex I spoke of in the initial question... She wanted me back, for whatever reason.

  • I would give them one more chance if I really like them because people rarely cheat just for sex, there would be an underlying problem in our relationship, and I would be willing to address and fix this. However, more than once, then it becomes more likely they just want to have their cake and eat it too.

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    • Um, that clause only work for women... For men, it is the sex alone... I mean, this is according to sexual psycology books I have... I have quite a few, and it boils down to this:

      Men cheat for sex

      women cheat for comfort, companionship, personal gain, survival tactic, etc... etc... etc...

      I reccoment hellen fisher's "anatomy of love", if you wish to see a more feminine take on psycosexuality.

  • If I thought it was a fleeting mistake with a stranger on a drunken night then I wouldn't mind as much, but if it was with somebody I knew and trusted I'd have a much harder time about it. Generally, if somebody cheated on me, I'd forgive them (depending on the seriousness of our relationship) and if it happened again I'd dump 'em quicker than anything.

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  • My ex fiance cheated on me but I forgave him because for me, everyone deserves second chances and at the time, I really loved him. The problem was, I forgave but never forgotten. So, there was a trust issue between us. I always have the thought that he was cheating again whenever he failed to come home on time or he was not in the office when I called. Eventually, our relationship suffered and we ended our engagement. Sometimes giving second chances is logical but the hardest part is, can you really forgive and forget?

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    • I don't believe in second chances... I believe that if someone is given a second chance they would do the same again, and again, and again... With your experience, it is more logical to not give a second chance. Second chances are illogical and are broght on by compassion which is an emotional quality, and is illogical by default, because emotions are illogocal.

  • I love my boyfriend to death, but if he cheated I could never trust him fully again. I consider kissing and sex to be cheating. Anything else depends on the situation. If it was only some kissing, I would probably give him another chance because I love him more than anything. I doubt I could deal with it for long though, and I'd probably just have to leave. If your significant other cheats on you, you deserve better. If you cheat on your significant other, you're pathetic. If you cheat, but you love them and want to work it out, leave. A good person deserves someone who can and will love them fully, and a cheater can't.

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    • People often take a mile if you give an inch...

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    • Some people honestly do feel horrible about cheating and would never do it again. Others will do it repeatedly. I couldn't forgive any sexual cheating. Kissing, maybe. Some people freak out if their SO even speaks with the opposite sex, but I'm not talking about "emotional" cheating, or crap like that.

      Of course... the people that would hate themselves for cheating wouldn't cheat in the first place. (I'm thinking of my SO here), so... The majority of cheaters do it because they get away with it.

    • Indeed they have...

      I am against ANY form of cheating, upto and including emotional.

      I don't forgive kissing, because to guys, kissing is just a doorway to other things... And todays women often just "let it happen".. Been down that road too. All I can say is this, cheating is cheating... But am I offended if she has male friends? No, as long as it is platonic. I have female friends, but I never discuss private matters to them. Nor do I look at them in any lascivious manner.

  • I would forgive but don't expect me to date you again lol.

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    • That is not "forgiving"... Would G_D forgive you and still throw you into hell? Don't sound forgiving to me...

      To forgive is as taking them back... Not forgiving is not taking them back...

      If you say you forgive, but dont., you are lying about forgiving.

  • There is a difference between forgiving and taking back a cheater.

    Would I forgive a cheater?Yes,because it is unhealthy to continue to have anger and rage towards a person and overall forgiveness is healthy and liberating.

    Would I take back a cheater?Absolutely not.I have respect for myself,clearly that person lacked respect for me,so why bother when there's no respect?Not to mention cheating DOES show you do not love the person.It isn't biological as guys try to justify it with,it's called self control and commitment.Cheating is a betrayal and I don't deal with backstabbers.

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    • True forgiveness is to take them back, just saying you forgive without actions is not forgiving...

      Your tagname implies yopu are a religios person... How would you feel if G_D said, "I forgive you for your sins, but you must still go to hell"... Does that sound like forgiveness?

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    • Well,to say they would be dead to you shows you clearly won't allow yourself to move on.Forgiving doesn't mean taking back,it means simply letting go of bitter emotions towards them.There's no need in keeping up bottled emotions.Why spend life feeling hatred towards them.I'd forgive but not forgive and I can forgive someone who breaks my trust,but I won't be friends or anything more with them,just another part of history

    • Bottled up emotions? Meaningless... My emotions come at a premium... More like, If I don't care for something I shut it out. I move on... I move on by my own persuits. Unforgiving, mainly because I allowed my emotions to be toyed with. From that, I refrain from emotional output. You may not understand, and to you, I would almost seem "mechanical"... I may as well be... I am cut and dry. To me, forgiving would be foolish. To move on is to not forgive and get on with my life, alone...

  • i guess it depends on how you perceive cheating. I don't think men can keep it in their pants. I wouldn't forgive a guy who would bring a girl back to our place if we were living together. or sleep in our bed.

    but just boy friend and girlfriend I don't expect him not to f*** up.

    there is this saying in spanish [ ojos que no ven corazon que no siente ] sort of like saying out of sight out of mind but in reference to the heart.

    i don't expect anyone to be perfect, and actually, I have low expectations of men. he just has to make sure I don't find out. because that's when I'd leave.

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    • Well, jedi warrior, you haven't dated me yet, if you don't think men can "keep it in their pants". I had the perfect opportunity to betray my second fiance, but I did not. Why? Because If she were to cheat on me, I would want to rip her f*cking heart out. Likewise I accept the same fate, if I were to do the same.

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    • Catering isn't a way of seeking approval. It is a form servitude and I won't argue against it. I'm happy to take care of my guy, and if he feels like it he does nice things for me. It can go both ways... It's just that I'd rather do the pampering.

    • Pampers are for babies... lol

      Eh, I don't like being pampered. I'm a former drill instructor... I like to live a Spartan existance... lol I wonder where I can find that Helen of Sparsa... Minus the cheating leading to the Trojan war... lol

  • i may give them a second chance if I really truly loved them, like if we had been together for years because that's just the sort of person I am, but I don't think I could ever FULLY trust them again and if they did anything remotly the same again I'd get rid of them straight away

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  • I would forgive them but I wouldn't get back with them.

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    • On general principal, you do not forgive. To absolutely forgive, you would take them back. That is forgiveness. To say you forgive and do not take them back is either lying to them or to yourself. If you won't give a second chance, there is no forgiveness..

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    • ok your absolutely right,im the loser your the winner happy? can we move on now?

    • It is not about winning or losing, it is about actions and the perceptions of your actions. The guy would percieve you as a liar if you said you forgive, but will not take him back. It is unforgibveness perspectively. No argument, but female thoughts and male thoughts are polar opposite and just giving you the brick and mortar male perspective.

  • I would not forgive. If it was officially a break, the I would just have to let go. If we are in a relationship and he cheats, no second chances is my rule of thumb.

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    • Ah, interesting conception of the "break of the relationship" dilemma... I am somewhat dishartened of the "Temporary break" scenario... Color me posessive or whatever you may, but if I break with someone, it's permanant... I think the "break" is a way to legitimate screwing around with someone else... I am like this: If we are done, WE ARE DONE! Not, We are done just for a week so that I can get my rocks off from someone else... Care to give me a point of contention of what I said?

    • Dont worry about me... I won't chew your head off... lol

  • i don't know about you but it depends! I personally don't think you'll ever find someone that doesn't cheat sometime in their lifetime it happens sooner or later if you find out or not. so I have the mentality to always give second chances if they deserve it. if they fess up and feel guilty maybe because it was a one night thing than maybe but if they kept talking to or happend more than once then hell no!

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    • I'll tell you why:

      Cheaters never stop, PERIOD!

      My dad was divorced twice for cheating... He even cheats on his current girlfriend...

      His sister is in the same boat... Twice divorced for cheating

      My ex girlfriend cheated once, I broke it off with her, she got another boyfriend, and cheated on him 5 times...

      Frankly, if a person feels that they can get away with something, they often repeat the offense, even if caught. If they were caught, they would attempt to not get caught again.

    • If someone can prove to me that they could actually stop cheating they would get a second chance... However, I will not give a second chance to someone until they can prove it.

      It's a catch 22. Just like legalizing marijuana on the federal level: you can legally posess marijuana if you posess a tax stamp; in order to have a stamp you must poses 100kgs of marijuana, but if you don't have the stamp, you can not legally posess the 100kgs...

      I won't forgive, period.

  • Forgiving is moving on, it's more for yourself. I would forgive, but I wouldn't forget and I would most definitely not take them back. You are so wrong when you say that breaking up is to not forgive.. breaking up is being smart, even if you still love them. They don't deserve you but you don't have to hold that anger against them forever, it takes way too much energy.

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    • To forgive is to take them back! Why? If you truly forgive them, you would. If you don't forgive, you want them not in your presence. If you say you forgive and not take them back, you do not truly forgive.

    • Wrong. If someone punches me in the face, and I forgive them.. it doesn't mean I have to be their best friend it simply means I'm moving on and I don't hold it against them. If someone cheats on me, they are not the person I want to be with so I pack up and move on, it doesn't mean I hate them it just means they aren't who I thought they were and they don't deserve my love. It was my bad judgment to date someone who would cheat on me, so I if I have anyone to blame, it's myself.

    • Let's give a religious perspective then... If G_D forgives, you enter into heaven, right? Don't forgive, You go to hell, right? Where is it you are forgiven and still must be sent to hell?

      I respect your views, but to me, forgiving is taking them back. Within all right, I don't have to forgive those who betray me... I have no pity for those who betray others... I dumped a woman because she cheated on someone else. As Sweetesinxxx said in her answer above your post.

  • I've been cheated on once before. But it was just a drunken kiss. That's all. He felt real bad but I forgave him.

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    • And, my question is, why?

    • because he was genuinly sorry. and before he met me he was a man whore lol. Like he would get drunk just to hook up with any girl that came his way. He just needed to get out of the habbit I guess. He's never done it again.

    • But don't dismiss the probability of him reverting... It hapens better than half the time.

  • ofcourse not .. as they say: Trust is like a vase.. once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again

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    • Once my trust in someone is broken, repair is ethically wrong... Especially with your vase analogy... Then it would have no worth at all... Now to think of it, who would like to keep a $2k vase that was shattered into a thousand pieces that was reconstructed by crazy glue? It has no worth any more... Even at an auction with despirate bidders and the fact that the vase is the last of it's kind. That $2k+ vase is deminished for less than $1.50... Just a cheap dilemma.

    • Nevertheless, I agree with you... No qualm or point of contention with what you said... However, how would you handle the situation?

  • i forgived my ex oncehe did it again so hum well depends on the person I guess but I say no don't forgive once they done it one time they will do it more and more

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  • No, I wouldn't forgive them.

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  • I would forgive depending on the definition of cheating. If its something that's physical, that has to mean something to them, not good. Falling for someone else, not good. Confiding in someone else, not that big of a deal.

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    • Confiding, not a big deal? Well, I think of it as a bad thing no matter what kind and how. Cheating is cheating to me, and by any means, unforgivable. "Kanin wa Yurusan ZO!" In japanese, it is "Cheating is Unforgivable!" But to each their own, I suppose...

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    • I see what you mean, I guess I just don't discuss my relationship with those who are in it to ruin it...like around a guy who likes me I'd be much more guarded than around my friends

    • Even then, you have to apply understanding to something else... There could potentially be those who like you, but have yet to express it. They're friends with you becayse of such attraction but are too shy to express. These are the most dangerous, because they definitely see it as an opening to inject themselves and potentially ruin your relationships. It is a treat to your relationship.

      Considering your age of only 17, I did not expect you to see that point.

  • There are usually two sides to every story, so I would give them one chance. They could just be trying to figure things out or have some reason, and that's why they get one chance and one chance only.

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  • I'd forgive themn for my own sake of mind, but I would definitely dump them, unless they could prove they truly were sorry & that it would happen again, which would be very unlikely.

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  • Depends if I like them enough. I probably wouldn't care, just be amused. I'd leave them, move on.

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    • Amused and whatnot, eh? And for what reason you say you would not care? FYI, remember that cat that was killed due to his curiosity? that was me 8 lives ago... lol

  • I would, but I'm kinda spineless so :L

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  • i would accept their appology and forgive them but there is no chance I would stay with them

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    • You do not forgive them then...

    • Well, I kinda agree though... forgive but don't have to forget... wouldn't having one less enemy be better? Smile to him, but don't have to forget that he always hold a knife behind his back & ready to stab me.

      Never trust the CHEATER!

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  • It kills me to read "once a cheater always a cheater" and the like in so many comments. Personally, I have cheated before (kissing someone besides my boyfriend) and directly afterward, not even after...during...I felt terrible, but I didn't know how to just stop it. It was a lack of judgement, and I regret every moment of it, I've cried over it, beating myself up but I never told my boyfriend because I know he has the same train of thought as most people. I don't intend to ever cheat again and if he were to find out I would hope that he'll trust my word.

    As for me, I would forgive once, but afterwards...I'm done.

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    • In your terms, Holding another guy"s hand would be considered cheating...

      You miss the whole point...

      The point being to blatantly disrespect your partner by sleeping around... People that often do that do it out of habit.

  • (1) You can forgive a person without agreeing to have them underfoot all the time.

    (2) No, I wouldn't take a cheater back. I would accept that he has a preference for something is so extreme that I would not do it and let him go be with the trollop who did it for him. No point in dragging things out when the tarty home-wrecker is waiting in the rafters to watch him play me or witness the downfall of our relationship...

    (3) Very basic flirting (e.,g., a smile) can, in certain instances, be overlooked. When a guy raises his eyebrows and smiles, really starts chatting someone up... that's a sign of storms on the horizon. It's hard to pick up on the early warnings, forgive, then find out later that your instinct about the situation was dead-on-balls accurate. (Argh!)

    (4) Personally, I'd never cheat out of respect for myself and my partner, which is why I would expect the same attitude from the person I'm with. I also wouldn't start something up with a person who's already in a relationship either. It's sleazy and you run the greater risk of contracting something...

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    • (1) explain...

      (2) I agree...

      (3) I don't know about guys, but okay...

      (4) I agree 1,000,000,000,000,000,^999 % (if I remember corectly, I think that is a googleplex...)

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    • Ah, you understand me...

    • Sure, for now. That's the trick with existentialists. :-)

  • Hell no! Once a cheater always a cheater!

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  • I took my boyfriend back after he cheated on me.. It's been a year after it has happened.

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 8

  • I forgave my last girlfriend for cheating, and she was all apologetic and wanted to have me back and stuff, then cheated again a couple weeks later. I now expect perfection (and have been conditioned to associate drinking with friends with cheating). I'll dump a girl immediately, no questions asked, if she cheats. The only person who deserves to be cheated on is the cheater.

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    • Well, I can understand the anger, but you focus your anger moreso into proving a point... Not wishing ill upon those who wronged you... What I mean is, the best revenge is to find an even better girlfriend and parade them around the ex... Satisfaction, garenteed...

  • HEY HEY HEY HEY...HEY. lol. No.

    First of all.But my personal opinion is that if you cheat on someone you never really loved them in the first place. I wouldn't give them a second chance because of the fact you're being selfish and you're only thinking of your needs and what you want and if you get caught then you might be sorry but then why would you even cheat?You never really considered how the other person felt or how much you would damage them now and in the future.

    BUT! I cheated like on mostly all of the people I've been with. And now I am and have stayed completely faithful to one for over 4 years. It all depends on the situation.

    Yeah, I grew up and changed. Not EVERYONE who gets into a relationship is going to be commited. It's kind of a childhood dream that you think everyone you date is going to be faithful and never going to hurt you. Shit happens. It's horrible sometimes and f***ed up but don't make the mistake of keeping every chick or guy at bay because some guy or chick broke your heart. it's a normal response but how long are you going to keep it up? Do you ever find yourself not willing to give someone a chance just because of what happend? I'm not saying trust easily but don't go blocking everyone just because you had a bad situation with someone else. don't make them pay. Sometimes you miss out on a really great person because your still rollin' on what happened before. You could be so much happier if you just tell the person where they stand and your not ready yet but don't lead em on. Cheaters can change if they want to. You just think they won't because they didn't for you and dude a lot of people get cheated on. You're just generalizing people into one catagory like people don't change ever. I'd never cheat on the person I'm with and they know about me cheating and they know I'm not running around because I finally found what I was looking for.

    Yeah, Scars are still there but it gets easier when you allow someone in to help you. And in the end you're only hurting you, other people who might actually want to be faithful and whatever, and your changing who you are. And on a completly different note: Look, girls want to know that they are loved and that you want to show them that as much as possible and that you're not ashamed of them. Maybe she felt bad aboout herself. She probably wanted a man who didn't give a f*** and was more open about certain things and wasn't a big deal for her to do it. You do certain sh*t to keep your girl happy so she doesn't run off with some punk who did the most simple sh*t to make her come. come on does that make any sense? Doing simple sh*t that keeps her happy isn't that hard and if it is for you than she wasn't the one for you anyways if you wanted someone who agrees with the whole pa than lay that out first hand that you don't like it. its a sad reason but also not out of the realm

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    • It matters not to me why I got cheated on in the past. I just look at them and every other person wo does as unfaithful whoremongers... No offense to you, but that is my point of view. I have no time for games. Perhaps if my life extended beyond 80 promised years and/or I have more than one existance to live, perhaps I can tollerate bullsh*t. I say nay, Bullsh*t is for the grass as fertilizer, I have no use for it, other than to make grass grow. As far as my life, I can tolerate single

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    • I maintain self control and can say I WILL NEVER CHEAT. You may lost your self control and due to your past lack claim others can potentially lack, you are not thinking outside of your own box. I can be quoted as not looking outside of my own for the hope that there are people out there that have absolute self controll as well. Nevertheless, the day I cheat is the day I die, and I say that with confidence because I am not suicidal and shall not do anything to lose my life without reason.

    • To directly answer your questions:

      I would still have my views of cheating, why? Even if cheating of relatives were not a factor, I practice Judaism, 7th commandment: "lo teen' ahf", "you shall not commit adultry. And if you actually read my post, you see I have personal reference as well.

      I shall never cheat and the day I do, I shall fall upon my own sword, LITTERALLY!

      Labels are not thrown, they are assumed by those whom have committed the said offense

  • Even as I am older and looking back on it, I still would make the same decision I did back then. Cheating is the last straw in my book. It requires decision making. I will never believe the phrase, "It just happened".

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  • if they cheated obviously I wasn't working

    so I'd might as well cut the ties and let her go off in to the sunset with her secret lover.

    =/

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    • It is not cool to think of yourself as lowly as that.

      In my opinion, If it ain't working, it is perhaps better to break it off before anyone cheats... But then again, that'd be the most intellegent thing to do and people don't think using their head is the best thing these days... Oh, well... lol

    • what I mean is if she everything seemed fine to me

      and she was secretly seeing some one else and I find out

      i would just end it there...dead... finished...

      she will become as useful to as and elephant with sneakers in Belgium.

  • For me, cheating once results in instantly demolished trust, and a relationship can't function without it. I would not forgive it.

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    • That is why I always say SUCCESSFUL relationships are like a pyramid...

      At the base and the foundation is trust. It is the most important and should be the base. In the middle should be love,then faith, then compromize. At the pinnacle should be sex. However, people these days with their "sexual compatibility" nonesense want to turn the damn thing upside down. I never seen a pyramid that can exist upside down, no matter how good egyptan engineers were.



  • Cheating?

    what the heck?

    just say that its over.

    kind of stupid... it all ends up with 2 pissed off people

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  • Never ever f***ing forgive them, ever.

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  • I would forgive a cheater but definitely never go out with her again.

    If she has done it, she'll most likely do it again. Personally, I value loyalty in relationship because I should trust her. Distrust destroys relationships. If my partner cheats on me, that will be my fault as well as hers, as the reasons for cheating are many, including sexual dissatisfaction, insult, abuse, etc. Nobody is perfect then nobody is absolutely true and pure, if she's unfaithful to me, then that's not only she who does a wrong thing but me as well. I've never been cheated on but I think I'm strong enough to forgive it to my significant other. But regardless of that, I would end the relationship and go for another girl.

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