Why would an ex call me crying after a year?

long story short. I kicked my ex out last august 2009, when our daughter was 5 mo. He was acting like a teenager, I had hoped that would give him a reality check ,but it didn't. He had a girlfriend right away. But always brings up our relationship and flirts with me. So last Friday he calls me drunk and crying apologizing for how he treated me when we were together, how he wished he could make me happy, how much he loves our daughter, ect. He is still with his girlfriend, they break up all the time and get back together. My question is why after all this time has he not let go? He rarely drinks and has only once cried in front of me...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because in his mind you're the "fall back" for when other plans (ie the girlfriend) start to fall through. I'd wager when he called was one of those times they were fighting/breaking up and he was angry/sad/lonely (and drunk which always helps the phone finger dial). If I were you I wouldn't read too much into it other then a desperate plea for attention. If he wanted to be with you and your daughter he would be making every effort to do such.

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What Guys Said 5

  • maybe he's starting to realize what he lost, and what he wants back. Let his actions do the talking to decipher wether that is the truth. He wants to be better for you, but if he doesn't prove that he CAN be better for you than id forget it and move on. sounds like so far he is doing a poor job being a responsible spouse.

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  • You're the one. You have a kid together. He wants you back. He wants to make amends and is finally starting to "grow up." But it's up to you to decide whether or not it's good enough. If you've moved on, well, tough luck for him.

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    • He wants to finish what he started with you a year ago when you two had a kid together. That's what he really wants deep down.

  • This sounds a little harsh, but he sounds desperate to me. I know if I contacted someone crying after a year apart, that would indicate I needed someone. Whether it was because you were available is questionable. Maybe he had no one else to call. I disagree with the people that said he is just now coping with the loss of the relationship. It happens way sooner than that.

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  • He called because he was drunk. He probably had an argument with the Girlfriend and got hammered and all emotional.

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  • Well you have a kid with him. That's his kid too. I don't know what the custody issue is but this is beyond a simple relationship.

    Sometimes it takes time for consequences of our decisions to kick in. When I split up with my girl a year ago there was no formal "we are done". She just stopped talking to me. At was at first like "well f*** you" and didn't call her but a few months later it hit me and I got real depressed from the rejection.

    But then again you two have a kid...I can't relate to that.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Sometimes its harder and takes a longer time for certain people to get over someone they love, especially someone they share a child with. But calling you up drunk isn't the most romantic way to get you back, actually its not a good way at all. I think that he needs to break up with his girlfriend for some time and also prove to you that he's changed and willing to be a father. It sounds like she's the rebound for sure and I wouldn't say that you're his fallback because you broke up with him. To me it sounds like she's more of the fallback to him for you.

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  • Honestly, he might be the perfect person to ask this question to. You may not get a clear answer from him. But sometimes, what people don't say gives you all the answers that you need. You said that he was in a new relationship right away, correct? I can imagine that he probably never took the time to deal with how things ended between you and him. People always think that if they enter a new relationship, that they won't have to feel the pain of losing their past relationship. Unfortunately, that's just not the case. Eventually, we have to deal with emotions. We can run from them for only so long. And it sounds like it took your ex a year to deal with those feelings. That's just what it is. It sounds like his relationship with this other woman is a mess. I don't envy her one bit. I believe that none of us really appreciate what we had until that thing is gone. Your situation is a classic example of this. Talk to him and ask him why he said those things if you think he will give you a straight answer. If not, take it for what it is. But you know how the saying goes "A drunk man speaks a sober mind." Good luck doll!

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  • He probably does regret losing you and his child, maybe it's only just occured to him how stupid and immature he's been. However, if I was him and wanted to win you and the child back by proving that I've changed and can handle having a family, calling you up drunk is NOT on my list of things to do.

    It can take people a long time to get over things that meant a lot to them, often it's immature people that have the toughest time realising that they're not going to get back what they lost. If I were you I'd ignore him, he obviously hasn't changed.

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