What do I say to him?

Long story short me and my ex have been off and on for five years but it recently ended because yes i did cheat because couldn’t handle what I was feeling because I’m so insecure then people are gonna Leave me but I need him back in my life he makes my world light up but he just confuses me because he’ll get jealous when I’m with someone else but then calls me ugly or say stuff that he knows would hurt me but I remember what we would talk about and how we said we would always care for each other. What would you do? What would you say to him if u were me because I’m scared and nervous and sad about all of this
What do I say to him?
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