How do I move on after 4 years, being a single mom to our 2 year old son, and no closure?

So my ex, who is also the father of my son (Yes I know I'm a walking cliche) has always had anger and trust issues, they just weren't shown like all of his other major flaws until a year or so into the relationship. He's never done anything for our son, it's just me and my mom that do. One of the things I still can't wrap my mind around is that he would always say really hurtful, degrading things when he wasn't sober and something made him mad. I could never figure out why he was mad, because he'd say I should know why, or he'd eventually say there was no reason, he's just "fucked up."

He'd always make a rude comment or dig to start an argument, and then he'd amp it up by throwing insecurities that I trusted him with, in my face. Eventually he would start saying things like he's cheating on me; he doesn't love me, never has; I don't mean anything to him; he's only using me for sex, etc, etc.

Then when I inevitably broke down and kicked him out, he'd sober up and call the next day. If I didn't answer, he'd break in through my A/C window unit. He's also gotten physical with abuse, as he did in his previous relationship with the mother of his first son, come to find out.

So he'd start saying he didn't mean it, he was just mad because he has issues and he got stuck in his own head, and he's been screwed over before by his ex so he thought I couldn't be trusted either. "I was lying, never cheated on you," and so forth. Even though I'd found out while I was pregnant that he'd been snapchatting his exes and "his hoes" as he's referred to them before. God forbid I had a guy friend, he'd bitch me out, call me a whore and threaten them.

So I guess my question is, how do I know what was true and what was a lie? How do I go about getting closure from someone that I can't trust? As I've told him, he either lied and said he cheated, or lied when he said he didn't. I still love him but I know it's over. How do I move on after 4 years, a son I've raised alone, and no closure?
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I didn't realize it'd be this long, but apparently I really needed to get it off my chest lol
How do I move on after 4 years, being a single mom to our 2 year old son, and no closure?
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