Can you make a relationship work with someone who doesn't want kids?

So me and my girlfriend have a 6 week year old baby that my girlfriend doesn't want. It is effecting our relationship Becuase i really love&want my daughter and would most likely die if we had to give her up. I am hoping my girlfriend just needs time since she has been going through a lot in the past 2 years and has been pregent for 14 months with out a break. Reasons why she doesn't want kids. 1. She lost twins last year that she wanted more then anything. 2. She hates kids. 3. Feels like she's too young to have kids and still wants to enjoy life. 4. Has pdst after her parents attacked her causing her to lose our twins. 5. Her life has gotten worse since our daughter was born. I'll explain later how but it's big. Why she's staying with me right now. 1. So we can help each other pay off debit. 2. To make sure i can support myself&our daughter before she leaves. 3. Becuase she loves me. 4. Has no choice till all debit is paid off. Here's what we argeed on to try making things work or try to at least save the friendship. 1. Get a A house with separte entrances so she can have her alone time away from us or just move someone close by each other. 2. Move out of state since she hates ny now.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • That would be incredibly hard. Your baby. Mother doesn't want the baby, the father does. Going to be ongoing relationship issues caused by the one thing in the middle of it all. Your baby. If she didn't want kids, should have taken steps to keep that from happening. Second pregnancy. So, hmmm. So, based on Part II of your list, you take full responsibility for your baby, keeping her away from the baby. No telling how if she could snap with the PTSD and other emotional issues at play. But has she seen seen a doctor about postpartum depression?

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    • No she refuses to get help or talk to anyone.. the only person she talks to about it is her brother and 2 other friends. But i truest her with our daughter 100%

    • Then you both will figure it out. Good luck!!!

  • This will be very hard for both of you without professional help. Sounds like your girlfriend has postpartum depression. Added to the fact that she lost two other children in such a short time I am surprised she is functioning. That is a lot for one person. While I can see you are trying to be loving and understanding. You will need to decide how long you are willing to let her flip flop between being your girlfriend and not. Its very weird that she has had two pregnancies yet thinks herself to young to have children.

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    • The first one was our felt we were young and dumb.. the 2nd one birth control filed and she ddint wanna kill her child. I think she has it too but she refuses to get help but is willing to take pills for it.

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    • I'm sorry, but that won't help her get through this. You need to think about you and the baby if she isn't willing to get the help she needs. If she is really intent on not having children or being apart of the babies life, it may be better to have her sign off on her rights to the child. That doesn't mean she had to exclude herself from the childs life, but then she doesn't get to make key decisions, especially with her state of mind being the way it is, she may not have the childs best interests in mind.

    • I known she wouldn't ever harm our child so no point in having paperwork filled out. But she's arrived to sign up for a class but said she won't talk

Most Helpful Guys

  • 6 weeks is still fairly early, she's suffering as a result of her past and her desire to escape the situation is a result of that. She's running away from her demons and preventing herself from moving on. I would suggest trying to make her embrace her baby. Breast feed her hold her and understand that her baby is here and she won't lose her. Her fear of potential loss of another child probably plays a massive role in her not wanting this child.
    I think moving out of New York could work, but that is still just a method if running away. Whether you decide to leave NY or stay, getting her to embrace her child is priority number one, the second is cutting off communication with her parents. Info on the attack you obviously haven't divulged, but either way it's herendous and traumatising that they could/ would do that to there own child. Keep them away, they are despicable.

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    • That's pretty much what i try doing.. she's very good with our daughter but still says she wants to leave from time to time. I feel like we have way to many bad memories in nyc so a fresh start may be for the best. By a attack... Ill simple say if i did what they did i would be in jail right now.

  • Starting fresh always good idea. You do realize she is having mental break down requires psychological treatment and sessions. No mom wants to give up kids. 2) grandma needs to know her daughter is seeking medical treatment and you require her help and support in this difficult time. Find State funded resources to get nurse to Come over help with house keeping so you don't get overwhelmed. Best luck. Pray & have faith this is temporary. Tell her to Thank god you she isn't homeless and should be content to what she has after all there are people that lose everybody n everything.

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    • We are homless but staying with my mom till we rent a room next week got kicked out of our shealter after her friends lied and said ssid we won't fit parents&abusing our daughter so almost got locked up.

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    • Yea thats why she wants to move from ny for a fresh start. Thank you for your input

    • I agree with her.

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What Girls Said 21

  • It sounds like she might be experiencing postpartum depression. She may want to talk to her doctor about these feelings because I doubt she actually hates her baby. It's probably part of the depression. It's more common than you think for women to go through feelings like this after having a baby.

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    • She refuse to see a doctor but i strongly belive she does have post partum

  • Could it be post partum depression, or do you think she really truly feels this way?

    That's a really hard situation. I guess you could get sole custody of your child, but that could cost you your relationship. But it will likely be worth it.

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    • I think it may be post partum but she refuse to see a doctor about it and i don't need sole custody of our daughter since i truest my girlfriend.

  • It's not her fault it's those parents of hers that killed the twins. If anything those parents should be locked up behind bars, I'd suggest you tell the police what they did

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  • I think the question you should ask yourself is if you really want to be with someone who dosen´t want your daughter? Who do you love more? Your daughter needs you know more than ever! Your girlfriend is an adult and your child is a newborn baby. Maybe you can get help for your girlfriend, maybe going to a psychologist will help her understand her feeling more.
    Hope everything works out for you!

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    • I am hoping she grows to love our daughter since my girlfriend wasn't like this before till her parents killed our twins

  • She have been through a lot as you said she wanted the twins more then anything so tje newborn is giving her memories of them and if she get too close to her she ia terrified she may lose her as the twins and she is scared she may be mistreat her baby like her parents did to her.
    I thing the idea of her not wanting her baby is because she is afraid of the responsibility,
    Try to put that barrier down by making them close like show her how pretty she is or when she smiles or plays or asleep no woman can resist a sleeping beautiful baby. And yes i totally support that idea of leaving ny cause iy only brings negativity and remind you of bad situations and seeing her parents remind her of the twins most she must run away from all those f that a fresh start won't be worst then your situation now. And if she can't open up to you may e cause she didn't saw the weak side of you try twlling her of what you scared of and how it makes you sad needing to chose between your two beloved, and talk about how unfair her parents are if the can be called parents... then she may open up to you. She loves you and she loves her baby you just need to make her see that. Mostly just try to make her see the good in her

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  • Just fucking leave with the kid! You’d live with a women who hates your daughter to extent that you’d separate the house so she doesn’t have to see the kid? All because she lost twins but was lucky enough to have more when she “really wanted them” despite “hating kids”. Messed up fucking situation that is not fair on the kid or you, it won’t work out.

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    • The separte house is so we can still help each other out

    • That will be so confusing for the kid, why does she even want to help if she doesn’t want the kid?

  • How was she pregnant for 14 months? Pregnancy only lasts 9 in most cases. If she doesn't want kids why did you decide to Have a kid together in the first place? How has her life gotten worse? Maybe she should see a doctor as she needs help and you could all probably do with some counselling

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    • Because she was pregnant with twins before

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    • It's not really clear when he stated "without a break", that implies it was continuous. I also don't understand why she decided to have a child if she was adamant she didn't want children and hates children. It's not logical.

    • Sure, but I think we all know that's literally not possible so let's just accept it's more likely that he phrased it poorly. And well, people have made stranger decisions in the past (i. e. drug addicts getting kids knowing full well they'd end up handicapped or challenged)

  • Depends. I think she's been through some shit and needs some time alone! I don't want kids and I totally understand her. Thanks for sticking by her x I think she needs some well deserved time to herself and maybe to come back to the kids later if she wants.

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    • I think she will hopfully change her mind and argeed

  • Let me tell you something. When my parents met, they both didn't want kids. My dad was told he was infertile by multiple doctors but my mom eventually got pregnant and had my eldest sibling. Now there is three of us. People can change. My parents had one child and realized how amazing it is and what a miracle it was for them. They decided to have two more. If you truly love someone, and then not wanting kids is the only thing holding you back, think about if there is potential they may change their mind.

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    • That's what am pretty much hoping that she will change her mind once she's less stress. Am willing to give up a lot but not my daughter

    • what is your position on this though

    • I 100% want my daughter

  • She might have postpartum depresssion. Go to a councillor or something. And if she really doesn't want the baby, and wants you to decide between you and her, choose the gosh dang baby. That baby is connected to you by blood. You will always regret losing somebody who is literally half of you for a girl. If you put your baby up for adoption, you might never see it again. If you break up with your girlfriend, its likely that you guys would still talk, bump into eachother, co parent or see eachother. However if its just not safe for the baby where you are dont keep it. Basically , Baby and its safety > girlfriend

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    • I am 100% keeping my baby even if i have to rasie her by myself. I do 100% belive she has postpartum depressions but she's getting better and refuses to get help.

  • She's been through so much that I hope you understand her pain. Try giving space so she can be by herself to see if that's what she wants. However, it sounds like she's made up her mind about leaving both you and the child you've subconsciously picked over her already

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    • I picked my daughter becuase am not giving up my first born to strangers. I think she does need time alone with out people

  • After reading all that I think you should ask her to give up her rights to be a parent. I doubt she’ll have to think on it hard😂
    And honestly, I don’t blame her. She isn’t 100% at fault. Apart from her rough life, some of this is on you. You knew her and what she was about. Don’t have sex of you aren’t ready for the consequences or... be smarter with the protection. But it takes two to tango... so, don’t feel too bad.
    Along with her other baggage she might have post partum.
    And that’s a serious deal. She may not want help. Which is why I still encourage you to suggest that she gives up her rights because she is not mentally capable of being a mother at the moment. You should let her go and let her try to move on with her life. If she gets better in the long run, however long that may be, you should open up your heart to her. She’s going through her own journey. And she needs to help herself and walk her path alone. You’re just gonna get In The way.

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  • Oh noooo if you already have the baby keep it and leave the girl you are with. 😐 I hate kids but I'd never give up my own if I had one

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  • She has been through a lot and just had a baby, she needs healing and counseling. I say that as someone who has been through a lot myself.

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    • Problem is she refuses to grt counaeling

    • I'm sorry then there isn't much you can do. You can try to do what she tells you she needs from you, but if she isn't willing to help herself, not much will change. I'm speaking from personal experience, and I apologize if I came off insensitive at all, it sounds like a very stressful and emotional situation.

    • It is a very stressful situation becuase i want her to get help not for me but herself.. i can only help her so much

  • Hun. I have no words.

    I'm sorry for hers and ur loss

    Omg I'm so sorry

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  • Personally I couldn’t because I want kids

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  • Just accept she is not ready.

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  • Yea.. if the other partner don't want kids too

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  • No you can't

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    • I have ptsd
      But that must be hard on her.. I'm sorry for the loss of her twin kids but it ain't the kids fault sometimes it is the parents fault or sometimes it is just not meant to be right now or etc...
      But maybe she is having second thoughts about it and what she actually says ain't true

    • Honestly i stop beliving in everything she says

  • No I think they'll always be at odds

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What Guys Said 18

  • What a basket case, please give this child up for adoption. She has been prego twice and hates kids. She needs to be fixed and never around children. You need to run now tonight and get away from her you will never have a minutes peace and to hell with all her excuses get that baby to good parents an you run!!!

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  • whatever happen keep the baby, maybe you're girlfriend will come around

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  • Well in your sit. it looks hard. So I can't say, thats up to you two

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  • Yes it's possible if both don't want kids and who just want chill and who planing who don't want kids this time but some time both want kids and when who do planning for kids...

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  • Yes ofc how silly of a question.. Anything is possible :) you just need to both understand each other situation

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  • I'd say try to change her mind.

    If it doesn't work, end it. Your daughter deserves a mother figure that loves and wants them.

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    • I am trying my best but giving her time to make a choice

    • You're doing well. Good luck man, you'll be a good father.

  • Or she Can grow up and be a parent and stop being a snowflake that child should make you happy no matter what has happened in your life.

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  • She waited 9 months to not want it? What state do you live in? Might have access to baby safe haven and again why have it and make it mother or parentless or parents involved but parents miserable and bitter and child also now child neglected and wild. Also contraception and condoms would've helped prevent any pregnancies if she hates kids or no sex or even sex toys are good alternatives. Just finished reading NY is expensive and honestly not worth it if you don't have it together since education and food and clothes and taxes and meds and transportation and everything else honestly isn't cheap and now factor in adult and kid food and clothing and pampers and stroller snd vehicle and house mortgage and toys and bottles and teething rings and sippy cup and bibs and pacifier and so much more.

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  • I most certainly can

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  • Yes but with hesitation

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  • Yeah absolutely I could have them or not have them

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  • It will never work

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  • Yes maybe

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  • I could easily do that because I never want kids.

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  • Doubt it

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  • Never

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  • Hell yes... I prefer those

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  • Yes, you can... if you don't want them either...

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    • Did u read everything?

    • Sorry if I missed something...

    • But mostly true and just asking

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