I have just broken up with my girlfriend - Is there a way forward?

I've spoken to a few close friends regarding this but what harm can the views of the masses do!? If nothing else writing this will help get a few things out of my system.

I guess a bit of background helps. My ex and I both work for the same company at different locations and we had known of each other for 2 years or so. She was engaged so I didn't think more of it. We met randomly in a bar in June and we got on great. I found out later that she was single but had no idea she had only been dumped by phone 3 weeks earlier. I'm 25 and she's 28 if that makes any odds. And yes I know what you're all screaming at me, REBOUND!

After a month of flirting I took her out and we went from there. I kept things relaxed not wanting to pressure her following her split. I no doubt came across as not wanting to make the first move so she pounced on me for our first kiss. We did loads of things together. I invited her to a mates wedding and I was invited to her Mum's wedding. We grew really close, loved each other and I had a great feeling about the whole relationship. I have called things before when they weren't right and don't fall in love easily.

Got to a few weeks ago and she started snapping at me for little things. Her ex was giving her grief and she had finally got him to leave her alone. I tried to be supportive but at the same time give her space to let her get things straight.

Last week she got in touch saying she needed some space to figure herself out and to study for a mock exam at work. I did just that and backed right off. Two days ago we met for a chat and I could tell from her face what was coming. She'd written a letter for me to read whilst I was there. The long and the short was that she felt I was holding back and was uncomfortable around her, as if I wasn't being myself. Also I hadn't kept her on her toes as I lacked fire or passion. I discussed this with her, agreed that I had been holding back and said I had been standing off so she had time to adjust, and that I'd not challenged her being snappy as I thought it was her dealing with her ex, not a cry for passion. I told her I have the qualities she thought I lacked and longed to attack her with kisses on the sofa, grab her in the shower but had held back. If she'd told me in a more casual way I would have upped the anti.

Obviously for it to escalate to breaking up makes it hard to just go on like nothing happened. We had a long chat and came to the conclusion that a couple of months doing our own thing might help. She has said she loves me and I mean the world to her which I believe, but she obviously feels I lacked a spark due to holding back.

She's been texting the last few nights that she misses me and loves me, which isn't really fair. She's since agreed to have some time and space and that I'll contact her to meet for a drink down the line.

I've probably missed lots but that's the overview. Biggest question, a way forward or lost opportunity?


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What Girls Said 2

  • No, I don't think you've lost an opportunity. It seems like you've been doing your best to cater to your needs. As for the spark thing, I thing you should do the things she wants you to do or I really can't she why she would be wrong to lose inerest. As for the taking space and then missing them right away, that's a default girl thing. I would need some space but then in the space I would miss my ex (I don't do this for my current bf...we don't get into a lot of arguments anyways!) I think you should step things up and set up a spontaneous romantic date. Girls love sponaneity and surprises! Call her and ask her out, do the thinks that you've been holding back and have fun. My idea of romance would be to ask her out to dinner at a really nice place and ask her to dress up, then pick her with flowers and a spontaneous sexy kiss. Then, keep it suave throughout dinner, tell her how happy you are that she's ther and DON'T DON'T forget to compliment how she looks. If you asked her out and told her to dress up and didn't comment on how nice she looks, then she'll be upset. Oh and flirt with her through dinner, extend you hand to her as if nonverbally motining her to give you her hand and brush if softly with your thumb while holding it till dinner arrives. Make sure you ask in between dinner how she likes the restaurant and then you'll get signs of whether she likes it or not. After dinner ask her if she'd like to go and hang out to your place and if she says yes then take her and as soon as she comes in and you lock the door, grab her and give her a sexy kiss. Take it from there with all of the things you want to do and don't hold back!

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    • Thanks for the response! Believe me now that I know I was holding back when I didn't need to I want to show I am the person she saw at the start and wants. I'll be asking her out for an evening along the lines of your suggestion but timing will be important. She only really got closure from her last relationship a few weeks ago. She wants to figure herself out and decide what she wants from life. She'd suggested a month or two apart so mid January seems apt, have to go with my gut I guess!

  • Why are you giving a f*** right now? You broke up with her, so this moving forward thing should not even be that big of an issue. Just take some time off, tell her that you're moving forward and eventually, find a new girlfriend. I know the line "We can still be friends" hurts some people, but it's true! You cannnnn still be friends, and I think that's what you should do.

    Sooo to answer your big question, go forward.

    BUT, if you do still have a lot of feelings for her and you feel like if you went back with her, things would be better, then all you have to do is call her up and ask for her back.

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