I'm the stereotypical "nice guy" that has defeated every obstacle between me and confidence. From birth till high school I was pushed around, bullied, laughed at, made fun of, joked about, etc.. Rumors were spread about me.. I was the virgin, the small-d*** guy.. Fuck you name it? That was me.. I had glasses, no girlfriend, etc..
Then mid-highschool - I said: I can do better..
I learned flirting, personable behavior, respect, chivalry, patience, acceptance, all SORTS of things that no guy typically gives a girl. I actually tried to be the best guy possible.
Then as of a few days ago till now, a long time friend from this site - which I was interested in but knew nothing could grow from it, so I treated it like a friendship - sent me a comment that I'll never "get it" and that talking to her was pointless.. I continued the conversation and asked her to explain what she meant by saying: "Maybe you should tell me" because typically, if a guy says: "I'm attracted to you" women get shocked or scared (if they are friends)
Now the girl has bashed me over the course of the last 3 messages and further ridiculed my self esteem in the same manor as it was my entire life.
Excuse me for saying this, but it's absolutely f***ing pointless for guys to try SOOOO F***ING hard, to get a girl that they would love to treat as best as possible. Only to realize that their either the girlfriend of these other women or that they have scared the only chance they had off OR that they couldn't catch the f***ing hints.
WHAT THE F***. What is the purpose in being such a night in shining armor for a girl if she can't show an ounce of appreciation?
And no - it's not the type of girls I'm approaching. I've had best friends from childhood I've approached, I've approached girls from bars.. I've approached strangers.. I've approached girls which are in my classes.. I've approached and approached.. But not a single girl that is beautiful in both body and mind, whom I've approached, has shown me that girls of that statute like genuine and good hearted guys.
I'm honestly one of the few men I know who aren't overly sexual - yes I tease, yes I flirt, yes I do a lot of things which I had to build into my personality to not be a nice guy anymore.
The typical response is that I have issues - no f***ing sh*t, we all do, but I deal with my in my own way - no one sees them unless I want them to be seen and in real life, that never happens because I'm the go-to-guy. I just want a little support and I can't turn to my friends because my mind is so locked-tight on being ridiculed.
Most Helpful Girl
Friends can be assholes.
They teased my brother the same way and I never got why he stayed friends with them. As for being ridiculed; I guess I can only say, as clichéd and melodramatic as it sounds, people really only do continue when they see a chink in your armor. The less they think they can hurt you the less they will see purpose behind trying.
A reason to keep trying?
Because when you find someone who you can completely be yourself around; without self consciousness and fear of social faux pas's regulating your every move, the feeling is amazing. But I'd probably say online with people who may be far away is definitely not a place to look for that person. The fact you actually haven't met them almost depersonalizes them when they want to be angry so it's easier to cut off ties. More than that, if you know you can never meet, even a friendship in itself is tiring to maintain; you have different friends, different lives, very few commonalities to refer to; it just makes it hard to sustain that kind of relationship.
Meanwhile; you say you have defeated the obstacles between you and self confidence, but have you really? I can honestly tell you girls can tell if you have a lot of insecurities without you saying a thing; On seeing that, it almost immediately puts you in the friendship zone. It's not a lack of weakness, because I guess we all have our deeply ingrained feelings of inadequacy but women indeed do like to date guys who seem completely confident; in other words assholes or good actors.
As for being the nice guy; I'd like to say differently but they very rarely do come in first. Don't get me wrong being a nice guy isn't a bad thing, but being too nice is dangerous. Don't ever let someone take your presence for granted. Acceptance is all good and fine, but there's somethings we do specifically to p*ss you off; to get some sort of impassioned reaction. Not getting it will either lead her to believe you don't care or that she can walk all over you. Neither is highly compelling. Every person has the capability of getting too comfortable in a relationship. Too sure in it's constancy and sometimes just bored with that surety. I'm not saying don't be a nice guy. I date the nice guys, the untattooed, overly-studious, argumentative bbc news watching, introverted ones. But I'll say I wouldn't date them if I thought for one moment I didn't have to work for my part in the relationship. I like when a guy isn't afraid to contradict me. Tell me when I'm being ridiculous when I deserve it.
Pretty much what I'm saying is don't let it ruin you. You'll be amazed how much damage changing for this sort of thing would do. I tried once and by the time I realized it was too unimportant too care, I couldn't make it back to where I was. I'm still not there yet. Be a good guy; honest. Keep your promises. But don't be taken advantage of. She takes you for granted. Leave. She's a bitch? Call her up on it. She wants to walk? hold open the door.1