Holding onto the pain?

I split up from my ex 2 months ago and was really hurt and angry. I began NC a month ago and have had some progress since. I have accepted that we will not get back together but seem unable to move on from the need to miss her.

The pain of heartbreak seems to have faded but I am worried about the emptiness that I am starting to feel. It's almost like I don't want to let go of the pain as I will really have nothing left of her at all. Has anyone else had this happen? I know it's not healthy to hang on but I'm struggling to let her go off her completely.

Does this mean I am ready to be friends again or am I looking for an excuse to still be in her life? Am I missing her or missing intimacy? I'm so confused.

Updates:
I should also mention I was friends with my ex before we were a couple so I would like some sort of relationship with her but I am still unsure whether it is too soon and whether I need to sort out my current feelings first?

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What Girls Said 1

  • This is happening to me. I broke up with my ex 4 months ago and I still can't let go. I know how you feel. I was hoping that things would change and we could get back together but nothing was changed. The more I talk to my ex, the more I hurt because he doesn't seem to care anymore. So I decided to NC with him a few days ago. This way would be best for me I guess. I don't think you are ready to be friends with her. Give yourself some time and do whatever you think is best for you.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Let me be truthful with You, coming from the exact same situation. My ex and I just split after 3.5 years of a great relationship, with no cheating and honest love. You need to establish no contact, you need to heal. I hate to tell You this because I know how hard it is to hear but you two broke up for a reason, it can't work. I'm sure You are depressed/angry/doubtful and all these feelings are normal, but you can't heal with her in the picture. Take a few months away from her, figure yourself out, and keep yourself busy. If you hold onto something that is gone You will never be able to heal. Trust me, from a man that has been hurt, time will heal you

    Instead of calling her, call a friend. Instead of texting her, post on this site. People are here to support, but you can't find the answers to an individual dynamic relationship online. As much as You want to be friends, you can't. You two may end up together one day, but you need to start loci g your life as if you never will be. Trust me on this, it is the only way to heal. And just because your a man doesn't mean you can't cry. Your friends will listen and help, even though she seems like the only one who can solve your pain. You will be OK, But this is the hardest thing you will ever deal with. I am telling you this because I know how much it can hurt, I am still going through it... good luck

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    • yes I am going through the same thing too, came on here today as couldn't stop crying and really wanted to contact him. I had contact up until the weekend and have had to NC as my mates quoted I was 'tearing myself apart'... All I want to do is contact him but I know it would change anything apart from hurt me more. Even if the ex is friendly, it isn't what you miss as you can't bring them back. Its so painful and horrible, I hope you are OK and feel stronger soon

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