Is what I am doing considered cheating?

my ex and I broke up in july 08, but have since still been seeing one another. we love each other but he does not want to be with me in a relationship. he said he needs time and does not know what he wants since he is younger than me. (he is 22 that isn't even young...i'm 25, don't know why my thing says 18-24) we don't go on dates or anything like that. we usually just hang out at my house, or go out to a club or party every now and then. we are sexually active with one another though. but I want a relationship...and he just won't give me that...he tells me I am not his girlfriend and we are not dating. he says I'm his good friend who he loves and has sex with

well I started seeing someone on the side, we have had sex and I really like him. he is 23. he likes me a lot, and we hang out as much as we can. he lives about 60 miles from me and my car does not work atm so he comes out to me and we either go to music festivals together, hang out with good friends, go to dinner, go to karaoke, clubs...i have been seeing him for about 2 months but have known him since april-may of this year

now what I was wondering was is this cheating? my ex made it clear he is not ready to be with me. also I have not told him about the other guy because I think that is more than rude shoving that in someone's face. if I was just having sex with a guy, I wouldn't want him telling me about his other girls (its happened, not a big deal but I prefer not to talk about it with the guy). so yes is this cheating? also I wear protection, and have an iud so I am smart about it.

Updates:
ended up ending things with the new guy...just wasn't my type...so now only with one again

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It is not cheating, because you are not in an exclusive relationship with anyone. This is more how it is supposed to work. You are supposed to date and experience a variety of men until you find one that makes you forget all the others. The way kids go on a date with someone and instantly are exclusive is just stupid. They are throwing away their chance to meet the right person. Sex is a need for all people. You can't just try to date a variety of men but never have sex, you have needs. But your sexual life is private and need not be shared with every guy you meet.

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What Guys Said 5

  • "my ex and I broke up in july 08..."

    Once I read this, I began to skim the rest of the question, because I was pretty sure what the question was, and damn sure what the answer was.

    Are you cheating? You're single. Single people can't cheat, period; the idea doesn't even make sense.

    Rock on, f*ck your brains out.

    P.S.: Not telling him? Smart call.

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  • What you are doing is not cheating at all. Your ex is no longer in a relationship with you, it's ridiculous to consider your actions a form of infidelity. I can definitely understand why you are hesitant to share knowledge of your relationship with your ex, but you should provide him with a update at least, albeit without details. You should be upfront with your ex, honesty is the key to healthy relationships.

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  • well me and my ex girlfriend we been sexualy active phew times since but she knows I'm also with other she been sad or something but I'm glad I got rid of strains of relationship now wer just friends and f*** now and then :D or when I'm not feeling like walking home form town I can go to her sleep over yaaaaaaay :D

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    • omg your answer made me lol

  • sweetheart...you are not cheating on your ex, you are cheating on the new guy.

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  • Yes, it is, but not what you think. If the new guy wants to be in a solo, committed relationship with you, then you are "cheating" by having your "ex" as a FWB. If the new guy is just another lover, I guess its whatever sexual playground you want it to be.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Oh, you're worried about cheating on your ex? I thought you meant cheating on the new guy. Well, everything I said in my other answer applies, still, but you are most certainly not cheating on your ex.

    What you do is none of his business. If he wants you to himself he'll have to have an actual relationship with you. However, I wouldn't jump into a relationship with him at all. If you give him a choice "either you have a relationship with me or no more sex" I'm betting he'd choose the former, and you'd still be in the same position as before. As I said, I could just be cynical, but I don't think your ex is treating you correctly at all.

    Go for guy #2.

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  • If you are really worried about it, you should ask the new guy where you stand. Figure out if he sees you just as a friend that he likes or if he is wanting something more serious and committed. If he wants the latter then you need to break it off with your ex, because then it would be considered cheating. However as it stands, unless you and your new friend establish a commitment for each other, it's more considered... I dunno, just sleeping around I guess.

    However, if you get the chance to, I would definitely date guy #2 and drop your ex. This might just be the cynical me speaking but I'm 95% positive that your ex is just using you for sex. "I don't want to date you but I want to f*** you" is hardly something I look for in a man. He has a fear of commitment but he doesn't mind you spreading your legs for him? You deserve better than that.

    Don't ruin what you could have with this new guy - who sounds loads better - in order to maintain something with your ex who is just playing with you.

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  • this is not cheating although the guy your seeing may not like it very much.. I think you should decided if you want to be with your ex again(which is pretty much like eating your own vomitt) to put it mild.. or start something new and fresh and enjoy being in a relationship.

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  • yea it's considered cheating, granted that you have established that you are in a relationship now. your ex made it clear that your friends with benefits, if you like the guy you are now seeing, it's time to stop seeing your ex, because he knows your weak points, so you guys end up having sex. the new guy is bound to find out, no matter how much you try to hide it. you have to just stop seeing your ex, because as soon as he gets a girlfriend, you'll get nothing in the end.

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  • no ma'am.if he has made it clear that he doesn't want a realationship then your just friends. in my opinion he say he don't want a realationship then he don't want(need) the sex cause that doesn't fall under friendship. so go head and have fun hun cause until he step up you don't have to worry about what he thinks or how he feel about you and your other people friendship/relationship

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  • why stick with one guy,a girl should have 5 or 6 boyfriends at once but that's just the way I think I guess :)

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  • That is not cheating if he says that you two are not in an exclusive relationship.

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  • No, you're not cheating because you are only a FWB to the first guy. The 2nd guy might want you get rid of the 1st guy if you two get serious.

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  • well if you were going out with one of them it would be cheating but having sexuall relations with someone is not cheating sex is just an action that every humanbeing does so..its just like friends with benifits

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  • you are cheating. ps. if you ever wonder if it's cheating, it's probably cheating.

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  • not cheating

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