Is he truly over me?

I was together with my ex for 4,5 years when I found out that he had cheated on me with a mutual friend of ours and we broke up. We managed to stay in contact for 1,5 years (which was not easy all the time) during which he tried to win me back. We were off and on during some periods but I could not commit to a relationship due to my own personal issues that I was “dealing with” even when we were together (never allowing me to get really close to him, which made him feel insecure).

I had been feeling lost for a long time. I was caught in between my own feelings and did not know what I felt about anything anymore. I finally made the choice to move to another city to escape from it all… and my ex followed. I now felt that I had to do something about our situation and took the decision to tell him that we could never be together again. Shortly after that I got into a relationship with a guy that had been into me for a long time (that my ex knew of) and we ended up living together for a while. During the whole time (5 months) I was with my new boyfriend my ex and I kept in contact, which made me after a while realize how much I really and truly loved him and the issues I had that were keeping us apart were my own. At the same time my ex had been trying to get over me by trying to have less contact with me and working A LOT. My ex finally met someone after 3 months that he has now been together with for 3 months that I guess he has feelings for.

During one of our regular talks a month ago I told my ex how I felt about him but he turned me down by telling me that I meant a lot to him but he had moved on. Before I told him how I felt my ex was always there for me, making time for me, carrying, supporting etc. Where did all of that suddenly go? The only thing that changed was that I told him how I felt. We have talked a couple of times this month on my initiative but my ex is really keeping me in a distance telling me he does not want to end all communication but he has to focus on his new life. Now he lives 2 blocks away from me, but now he won’t talk to me… Can feelings just disappear? Is he truly over me?


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What Guys Said 1

  • I am kind of a simalar situation. my ex dumped me. Then she moved on to another guy. We kept very low contact. I was trying to win her back but at the same time I was working on moving on just in case she didn't come back. Well she ended up coming back whne I had given up on and trying to move on. I still love her and want her back but I'm confused. That's probably where your ex is at right now. Even if you love a person, you get emotioanlly exhausted when they act hot and cold. Best thing right now is to leave him alone. He will come back if he truly loves you which I think he does based on what youve said. In the meantine sort out your issues, so if he comes back your head will be clear. Please help me out with this! MY ex has told me that being with another guy made her realisze how much she trully loves me. YOu said the same thing. How is this possible? Shouldnt you be enjoying a new boyfriend and forget the ex?

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    • In my case being with someone else gave me the distance I needed to figure out how I truly feel. My ex had been trying for so long to win me back that I felt presured and confused about my own feelings. On one hand I wanted him back because I loved him, on the other hand I was afraid of getting hurt again and wondering if it was just a habbit. When I look back the only thing I needed was time and space so I could see for myself what it was I wanted. Being with someone was the "easy" way out...

    • When I told my ex how I felt I did not expect him to run to me leaving his new life behind, but I never expected that he would distance himself from me either. How did you react when your ex told you?

    • Well it confused me a bit. She sounded so confident when she told me that she wasn't happy with me anymore, I forced myself to believe it. I still have strong feelings for her. She seems serious but I Don't know if I should believe it. One week ill be all into her and the next ill be wanting to move on. So I stay away from her a bit to sort my self out, as I don't want to put her in this roller coaster ride. Maybe that's what's going on with your guy

What Girls Said 1

  • Thats really tough for you, what a rollercoaster. I'd say just stay out of it, cut off contact and that's all you can do. If you pest him with texts this will just push him away. If he really and truly wants to be with you he will come and fight you again, he knows how you feel so leave it at that. This relationship of his may just fizzle out, it may not. EIther way cutting him off will be the best thing for now. Being together for 4.5 years is a long time, I don't think he can let go that easy but no one knows what the future holds.

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    • Thanx for the answer! I am trying to stay away and it is not easy. I am just so puzzled by his reaction. We have always been able to talk to each other even after we broke up and met other people. The only thing that changed is that I told him how I felt. And now he does not want to see me nor talk to me. Why is he reacting this way?

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