Why do exes try to make you feel guilty about the break up?

Is this their way of “guilt tripping” you into taking them back?

Why talk about the mistakes committed in the relationship months after the breakup? What’s the point of it?

Has this ever happened to you?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • There could be many reasons. They may do it so they can pass all the blame on you for the breakup. That way they don't feel responsible for their part. Some do try to make their ex guilty as a way to " guilt trip" them into getting back together. Some do it as a way to get back and degrade their exes. Many possible reasons.

    The point of it depends on what their motives and intentions are for bringing it up. If it's for negative reasons, it's not worth taking to them. I haven't had this happen, not yet anyway.

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  • Well I personally think they knew in some way they fucked up relationship also, but they loved you, so what is better way to releaf yourself from feeling of guilt? Blame and make guilt feeling on you so they can feel better. Do you dig me? It is they who have feeling of guilt and they have hard time dealing with that so they blame you , to releaf their conscious. Also I dont know to write in English but I think best word is "vanity". There is lot more vanity in man then in woman. Do you know that I dont talk with my first love for almost 13 years. When we stumble to each other we just look to each others eyes and pass. And when we were breaking up in past she said so many insults to me even that... that I am no man enough, she strike me with that sentence like with arrow in the bottom of the heart, but I didn't say single word because I loved her, when I was exiting from her house I just turn around and said "Maybe in this life our love isn't meant to be, but when we meet in next life I will love you just as much as I loved you in this"

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Yes this has happen to me.
    Sometimes people grow in other ways when they are no longer in a relationship that they didn't see was an issue whim themselves until loosing you.
    Other times they're abusive in a toxic cycle they've seen, and its not a good idea to ever communicate with them, stay nor get back together.

    Talking your way back into someones life is usually not a good idea...
    but at times people have things they don't talk about that directly or indirectly contribute to your break up (his mama doesn't like you, his friends want to date you, his dad thinks you'll be a great addition to the family, his promotion changes the manner that he dresses)
    Now if the person was going through something that's life changing and the breakup wasn't crazy then its times it can work...
    but I would want to work on how to handle the situation with the other person if... no... when it happens again ( car accident , death of a sibling, parent, job loss, failing school, foreclosure , a bully at work)
    without any... boundaries, personal growth and change in behavior and communication and a lot of other factors...
    getting back together will be a challenge. It's just easier for some people to move on and learn from it... while others keep doing the same thing that is not working with a new person.

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  • I would feel happy if somebody told me why they were breaking up with me - it gives me closure and lets me know how I can behave differently in the next relationship and also what my chances are of getting back together if that is what I want.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 66

  • I had experience earlier this year. Ex ended things on valentines day, not giving any real reason, we spoke shortoy aftervwhere she said she didn't want a relationship.
    3 months later she tets in touch out the blue, ranting about how she's hated me, I have no idea what her thought process was. Part of me thinks she's feeling guilty or regrets breaking things off. TBH we never really talked about it. Emotions can drive people to doing irrational things.

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  • The bigger question is why you're having any interaction with an ex. Why not move on and build a new relationship with someone worthy?

    Never give power over your emotions to someone else. Be responsible for your own emotions - in other words, they can't MAKE you feel guilty unless you allow them to.

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  • Just don't entertain that conversation. Tell them that it's done, it's in the past. You don't have to keep going over it. It's a conversation that rarely has any good outcome anyway.

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  • I'm one of those guys who guilt trips my exes. Its not about getting you back. Its because they still love you and can't deal with not having you in their life anymore. They also feel betrayed. Like some promise was made and broken. Like a lie was told to take advantage of them.

    The point is to realize mens hearts are fragile too, and you should be careful what promises you make, and try harder to honor your lover, and not give up so easily.

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  • Sounds like the ex never had closure. They probably feel like they didn't deserve to be broken up with and hold resentment for it. It'll pass when either they feel like they have recieved closure and are satisfied with the reasoning. Or, when enough time passes that the wound of the breakup has healed.

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  • It sounds like the ex is trying to open up a pie throwing contest with what the other did do wrong.

    My advice is not to go for it. the ex is most likely not ready for taking about that, probably gonna turn very nasty without anything developing on the other side for both of you.

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  • I have no idea. I have never experienced this. But then I've only had one ex and I wish she would've done that cause I would have taken her back at the time but yep. Oh well..

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  • Its not a guilt trip in a way you hurt them and they might just want you to understand that to a degree you have caused them pain you broke some ones heart

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    • But a lot of times people are already aware of that. There’s no need in reminding them unless you’re trying to make them feel bad

    • I agree @Bryan1337... generally speaking. When a man's broken
      In this day and age they are percieved to have no feelings and expected to just "live with it". The best advice or solution someone can come up with is "man up". But when a man is the one to break it up, they're called all the names under the sun, totally blamed shamed and expected to feel guilty and understand how the opposite sex "feels". (Catch 22).

  • I recently apologized to my ex because I made a lot of mistakes that I felt bad about and wanted her to know that I'm sorry and I realize now what I did wrong

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  • Never happened to me as I am classified as "forever alone"

    Guilt is a manipulating feeling, it's okay to feel guilty, just be aware of alterior motives.

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  • Bc they dont know how to take ownership in what happened so they just push it on the only other person in the relationship so they dont have to deal but trust me it always will come back to them 😂

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  • Insecurities and projection. They want to inflict and feel that you are in the same pain as they are. They are hurt and in order to make them feel better about the situation, but if they feel you're doing fine then they think you didn't care and just fuels them more.

    In this situation, I always block the other for the initial break up. No need to see each others posts or be updated on post break up life, prolongs moving on.

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  • It's a matter of guilt and pain. A angry relationship ends in anger and for the most part usually just. They want you to secretly come back into there arms but knowing that you won't makes them lash out in anger and makes them try to make you feel the same pain.

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  • Depending on what happened like my ex cheated on me. There were times I wish she was around to let her know o loved her and still did but I couldn't ever take her back because I'd never be able to fully and blindly trust her like i did before. You feel like you invested time and money and love and energy into a person and they ruin it. It's one thing if you're the one that cheated or did whatever you know what you did wrong it's easier to accept like you can acknowledge the consequences of your actions. But when the situation is of not in your control there's no learning point no tangible "this is my fault". All you have is hurt. But to answer your question it's the I want you and I love you but you fucked it up or you gave up on us. I keep going near you but then halfway to taking you back you see how desperateand pathetic you look so regress back into rage.

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  • Very few people want to take responsibilities. Moreover, blaming someone else helps attain a pseudo peace of mind.

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  • guys are desperate sometimes and do anything to get a girl back. Sometimes its the only relationship they know. Its tough too, it depends on who broke up and why and if both broke up. There are so many things that could be in play here. I think the key idea is that the person that did the break up is clearly going to be ok because it is what they wanted but the person that did not want the breakup might have bitter feelings about that or be heartbroken. and that's the hard part. Sometimes guys might not know how bad a relationship is only that they lost someone they loved. and sometimes if you love someone you will let them go which is one of the hardest things to do...

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    • I really like what u said maybe I asked ur name or u can pm me

  • because the longer you feel guilty the more time i have to get you and this relationship back on track. its basically a hail mary tactic , it might work it might not

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  • Probably wanting you back or trying to make you feel bad, I did it to my ex because she really hurt me and didn't have a care in the world. Just wish I hadn't looked back

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  • They're still salty and tilted over what could have been but never was.

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  • Exactly my ex always tells me what mistakes I made knowing it was all her fault , I don't even feel like taking her calls anymore

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What Girls Said 14

  • They are bitter and they want you to be bitter as well whether they realize that or not.
    People in general tend to guilt trip when they are still affected by whatever happened. And folks just LOVE to point fingers because it’s easier than self improvement.

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    • Oh and yeah this has happened to me. And it’s annoying af.

  • Every ex I’ve ever had has always tried to make me feel guilty and it doesn’t work.
    And I don’t see the point talking about the mistakes made after being broken up because they should’ve been talked about beforehand.

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  • It's a fucking mystery to me. I usually get over the breakup a lot easier than most people, so I never usually guilt my exes. However, I have been guilted before, and I don't know why others do it.

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  • Yep it is. That’s why they’re an ex, and if they do that to me it’d make me hate them more

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  • It’s because they want to feel better about loosing you, and they don’t want to look like the bad guy

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  • I think it’s because they want to make themselves feel better and you look like the bad guy

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  • Because they try to hold of what was left of their ego. When you break up with someone; That's a big step you are taking and a big rejection they are taking. No one wants to feel rejected.. Especially if it's from the ones they love. It's embarrassing for them, humiliating, heart breaking, and brings down their self esteem. So to make themselves feel better, they try to put you in a different situation, so that you can feel like the "asshole" as well.

    Yes... it has happened to me by the way lmao.

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  • Nothing is my fault.

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  • They don’t want to be seen as the “bad guy”.

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  • So they know that u will cry about them

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  • Exactly I don't know either

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  • To make themselves feel better

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  • Well my baby’s father broke my heart when he left my daughter and I to go be with a girl I soon after found out he got pregnant when I was 9 months with our daughter. Attempts to guilt tripping me into taking him back or with holds money to help daughter support unless I answer all of his questions that almost never include my baby that he abandoned. Trying to control the relationship after I let it go already

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    • And it’s called being a sociopath

    • Narcissistic sociopath

  • Maybe they’re considering a reconciliation and addressing the problems is the first step towards that.

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