Why would a girl get back with her ex when everything was fine?

Can I get an honest answer...I will try to make this short. Dated a girl for about a year...everything was perfect..no fights and we were in love with each other. 3 months b4 she broke up she was distant with me...saw each other less...until she finally had the balls to tell me she was speaking with her ex (he called her) from her hometown and wanted to break-up with me. We been apart for about 3 months now...I tried spilling my heart out to her...but didn't overdue on contacting her. Anyway she told me they are moving back to her hometown...and she thinks he is going to propose to her.

I wish things weren't so well...but I fell for her and she is the love of my life...nothing was wrong with us and we never fought. She is perfect in every way...so I just wanna know why someone would do this. She was apart from him for 10 years...I can't stand being without her for one moment...and not in a clingy way--just mean...not in a relationship. I would do anything, and I would give my life up to be with her once more for just a moment...If they can stand being apart for so long, than how can this guy love her as much as me, and why would a girl want a guy who does not have feelings for her as much as someone else. I don't know who the guy is, but in truth...I know nobody will have such strong feelings for her as much as me...sorry but it's just true.

So my questions are...what are your opinions on why a girl would do this? Do you think things will work with her and her ex? (she did say they left on good terms, but if it was that easy for them to break-up...how would it be so easy for them to stay together?) I just want to be more informed on how women think, and what they want. She said she could picture us being madly in love but her heart was set on another. Do you think this is a phase of hers that might pass...or something more permanent? I just can't understand, how she knows who I am and what I would do for her, and nobody else can love her as much as me...would you ladies give that up? Could you be more happy settling with someone who loves you less? She may not believe it, but it's the dead truth...I am not stupid, and like I said they were apart for 10 years. I don't even think I will feel any different in 10 years...so I am just looking for some insight on the matter. Any answers to these questions? Seriously some in-depth advice will be much appreciated, as I don't really get good answers...and nobody seems too take the time to answer all the questions I ask...if someone can...much thanks!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is totally conjecture as well as from my own experience. I think the ex might have been her first love, and somehow a person like that always becomes a permanent part of one's heart and memories. The other piece might be that they started communicating, were reminiscing about the past and it brought back old feelings and memories. Sometimes, we get drawn into the romanticism of memories of the past and sometimes it can be recaptured and sometimes it can't. I think she got caught up in both.

    Now, this can happen to a girl or a guy. I know that you know within your heart and soul that she is the one for you. But what you need to remember is that she needs to reciprocate that as well. Ideally, women don't want to settle in love. We desire a man who will love us for who we are, mind, body, soul, flaws, the whole package. We desire a deep connection, where he is our best friend, is an extension of us, understands us, is supportive, loving etc. Unless she told you specifics about the past relationship, you really don't know how the bond was between them. You can only speak for your own relationship.

    Nothing is etched in stone. Who's to say this their arrangement will even work out? I am not recommending that you wait around for her or for things to change. However, there is always a possibility. I think what you should attempt to do is consider what would make her the happiest. If indeed being with the ex is what makes her happy then isn't she entitled to that? You are entitled to it too. However, would you be happy if you married this girl only to find out she didn't love you the same way you love her? Isn't that living a lie? Wouldn't you want her to feel like you do, where there is NO question from either side and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt it's meant to be? I know I would.

    I know none of what I said can ease your pain or shattered heart. I am just being candid as you requested. I wish you all the best.

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    • Thanks for being honest...I do respect her decision...I don't mean to come off as ...arogant or anything...but I truly love everything about her...like you said flaws and all...it is hard...but I don't think anything will make me feel better or worse...just trying to get an understanding. I do want her to be happy..and not get hurt months or even years later, when I know I would never hurt her.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Ok so did he break it off with her or the other way around? To me it sounds like he broke up with her for some reason and she was still in love with him so they tried to end it on a good note so they could stay friends. Sounds like he just got out of a long serious relationship or a lot of one night stands and he is realizing what he missed out on. She sounds like a great catch and any guy, not just you, would have to throw their heart and soul into her to keep her. She's always had feelings for him and she always hoped in the back of her mind that he would come back and he has. He's know that he can throw her around and have her sitting back on hold if he ever needed her to be so after 10 years of not accomplishing anything without her, he has come back to her. Hope this helps... You gave a lot of info but a few more details could help. Sadly you could have just been the guy to mend her broken heart while she comes back and breaks yours.

    -THT

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    • "Sadly you could have just been the guy to mend her broken heart while she comes back and breaks yours." Somewhat agree, but I know it wasn't intentional. You make a good point. What other details do you want, that would help?

  • Girls do that...It's difficult to know why exactly without knowing her but I tell you I have done it.

    I had an awesome guy that wanted to keep moving forward with the relationship and my ex called...and I went back with him. Things of course didn't work out.

    Sometimes is fear to a more solid relationship, fear not to be able to measure up...etc

    sometimes is some unfinished business with the ex...

    sometimes is the thrill...maybe she feels so secure of you that you became the nice guy/doormat

    sometimes people is just not worth to cry about. I am happy the guy I rejected it moved on with his life...so hang in there and go buy yourself "why men love bitches" apply it to your case...you will see the behavior of women..if brings some good insights and examples...also 'he's not that into you"...maybe that helps you understand why...

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What Guys Said 1

  • You were too good and it screwed with her mind. Since there was no fighting or arguing, there was no drama, no excitement, no conflict, and those are certain things that women crave. She KNOWS how you feel about her and she left you for another guy that didn't treat her as good as you did. Sorry to say this, but you are a nice guy, and as you see nice guys finish last. She had feelings for him when she was with you, and you were just along for the ride. You got played into believing that treating her good (which she probably told you what she wanted) was going to keep her satisfied and keep her from leaving you. You spilled your guts out to her and told her how you feel in a desperate attempt to get her back thus giving away your self respect, bad move. It's messed up to say this, but it's in a womans' nature to hurt the good men out there because they are too easy and not a challenge. With this other guy, she remembers when she was younger, hotter, and getting her fix. She missed the drama, excitement, and conflict that carried her feelings. She was bored with you, and you couldn't provide what she "needed". Now you are at a situation that most guys get into in a young age. Now it's time to make a choice, for YOU. STOP chasing her, cut all communication, and start dating other girls asap. The more you put your life on hold, the more it's going to hurt. You have to also look at how you have treated her and other girls out there that have left you for other guys, say they need "space", say they want to be "friends", and keep choosing the other guys around you. She wanted to be with this other guy or someone that was like him. Some girls have their fun and then settle down, some do it in reverse. Move on, don't make excuses for her, become the alpha male and date. "There is no one like her", of course not everyone is different. The sooner you start to move on, the healing can begin. Don't wait for her, stop spilling your feelings to girls, and remember that no woman is worth your self respect.

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    • A lot of truth to what you say...but although my feelings for her are true. I am not the puppy dog, or one to smother, or anything like that. Maybe it didn't matter what I did or didn't do...no mater what, this probably would of happened. I just wanted some insight as to why. I do want that with someone else, I just don't know if that is possible. It is hard to find someone...that doesn't want a one-night-stand/drama...etc. Lol...I really don't know what to do or where to begin anymore.

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