Jealousy and anger over ex - tips how to move forward?

Hi. My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me 5 months ago. However, it was done over the phone, long distance and there was hope that when we returned to the same city in September (for school), we would work it out. Over the summer, although I was sad and confused I wasn't as depressed as I have been feeling this past month. I was hopeful that he would pull through for me.

When September rolled around it became slowly obvious that he wasn't willing to get back into a relationship. However he was selfish and asked me to hang in and give him time and that he still loves me. I would try and compromise with him but I couldn't contain my anger that he would put me through this. We fought a lot and a couple times we agreed to not speak and then I would call and we would meet again and start all over.

Eventually we agreed to go out together on dates and even sleep together without putting pressure where it was going. This lasted less than a month and we only had sex once or twice. Although he seemed interested in me sexually, he didn't seem willing to sleep over and pursue a sexual relationship. I know it's because sex would confront all these emotions he just couldn't deal with. However, I was ambivalent and I also started seeing someone else during this time and didn't feel into having sex with my ex.

Finally beginning of November I started to become angry. We got into a huge fight where he eventually admitted he slept with a new girl earlier that week.

It was a one night stand, he didn't do it out of desire or connection I don't think... but really to break ties with me. That really hurt me of course and we haven't spoken in close to 3 weeks.

Since then I've just been so angry and jealous, which is making me very depressed.

I am jealous that he seems to be moving on so much quicker than I am. He has more friends than I do and I am jealous that he chooses to spend time with them over me.

I don't want to be jealous of my ex. I am just so angry and hurt by him. I was the one that decided I didn't want to see him anymore. He was willing to continue to see me and have me in his life. I shouldn't be jealous about who he spends time with, or how he spends his time. I decided he wasn't who I thought he was and I'm not really all that connected to any of his friends so its not like I miss that group.

I just hate that he isn't as devastated as I am. He is partying more and meeting a lot of new people. I would like to meet more people but this depression has been crippling and I'm a shy person in general.

Recently he even told me he passed by my house and had this " overwhelming emotion, this unfamiliar feeling of loss", .for him its a sudden emotion that hits him unexpectedly whereas for me its been a constant weight this past 5 months.

I know these feelings are very normal in a break-up and they eventually will pass and I'll move forward. However hearing any stories or tips how you got through a painful break up would be helpful.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Forgive him. Ultimately that's the thing that will set you free from feeling the way you do.

    I know its not the easiest of things to do but you can do it. If not the anger will tear you apart.

    Secondly cut him off completely. The reason he isn't as devastated is because your still there and he knows it. He has his cake and he is eating it. He has you in his life but at the same time free to sleep around, he is well in control of the situation. You need to be the one to take the horse by the reigns and show him how this is going to work. Your either in his life as a girlfriend or your not.

    If you want to be with him again being his friend isn't the way to go about it, cut yourself out of the picture. If he wants you he will come back, if he doesn't you are taking a step further in right direction of stepping away from the pain. Your doing the right thing, even though 3 weeks seems like a lifetime.

    Be strong...independent and show him what he is missing (but try and do it more for yourself)...I was with my ex for five and a half years before he dumped me out of the blue a few months ago...a month after he left me he was seeing someone new. I have now cut him off because I want to keep my self respect and clinging onto him, hanging around is an ugly thing and in the long run you will regret that.

    Chin up :)

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    • Thank you. That was very wise!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • this sounds a bit familiar to me. To be honest, he doesn't seem like he can make up his mind about anything. He is is tagging you along, probably because he wants to feel like he has you, but not that he needs you. My girlfriend is kinda doing the same, and I'm just giving her lots of space, if she wants to sleep with other people and not have commitment then she isn't the person I thought she was. So you should just decide whether you really like who he is...

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  • I usually drink a couple beers and go to sleep, it helps... for a little while, but it will just make it worse. Keep away from this strategy and try and hone what your good at into a major hobby or project.

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  • Do you want to work it out with him though? I mean if you can, do you want to be a couple again?

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    • Part of me definitely does because we were so bonded and I miss that . But I'm less sure he can be who I need so ultimately I'd be settling and unhappy. I don't want to be unhappy. So no I don't.

What Girls Said 1

  • Sweetie, Been threw this before

    Something that helps is getting your friends over and talk about it, watch movies and have a recovery day.

    It will be fine, Just move on because you don't deserve to be treated like that

    Keep strong and hold your head up high :)

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