How do I move on completely? I know the situation is finished but my feelings still hold me back/

I need to move on from a relationship that ended earlier this year, and to some degree I have, I mean I've done all the usual things like dated other people and sorted my own life out, and yet I still care for this one guy. I'm a rational person I've accepted that me and him are finished and I separatly care for him as a friend and am genuinely happy that he has moved forward and is happy. But I need that kind of satisfaction 4 myself aswell or else it is going to hold me back and ruin things. He is still a good friend 2 me despite all that's happened in the past and I have no wish 2 lose that, I only want the irrational "hope" that he will see the light when I know its impossible, 2 go away so I can totally enjoy my life and be there 4 him and myself totally, so we can both be happy. He does not know about the feelings I'm holding back, and I am not willing to talk about it as it is in the past now, there is no point bringing it all back out, it will make no-one happy. I guess I just want some advice about what more I can do really, I do not wish to be stuck like this 4 anyones sake and I know if it continues there is going to be complications. It was painful enough to lose him once, I do not wish to hold onto those feelings and have have that kind of heartache again, which will happen if I can't move on totally.

Just an update 2 say things have got easier and harder. I seriously reduced contact due to a disagreement between me and him which helped, and I am seeing someone new, who is a mate of his and who I met through him. Its complicated but better in some ways


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry to say but there is no easy path here. I mean, it sounds as though you have accepted it. That is a good step. You won't lose those feeling, trust me. The only thing that it takes is time. Just be aware when you are dating others because it is very easy to compare the guy in front of you to your ex. It is not totally a bad thing because you know what you like but you have to be careful, not giving the guy a chance. I have made that mistake before with women and have cut relationships short, I didn't get the chance to really know the person. I don't regret it but I have learned from it. I know how you feel, it's like trying to run forward with a back pack filled with bricks. I can say that it still going to be hard walking forward but eventually you will meet someone who helps lighten the load. Time is on your side. It sucks but it is life...


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What Guys Said 1

  • This isn't relevant to the question at all, but the 4's for "for" and 2's for "to" and "too" are really annoying.

    Anyways. I'm sort of in the same situation. Girl randomly decided she didn't want to be with me. Claims she still has feelings, but with the way she talks to me, I know it's finished and she doesn't even care like she said she did.

    I've just accepted that I was lead on for 9 months, and I'm just going to live and learn. That's all you can really do.

    The best thing you can probably do though is go by 'no contact.' That is, don't be friends with this guy, block him out of your life completely so you don't know what he's up to. Who he's dating, where he's going, what he's doing. It'll only take longer to heal yourself if you do that.

    • yea I know the numbers annoy me aswell-just naturally do it when I'm typing on blogs :\

      yea I'm considering the no contact thing, but he really is a trusted friend and I know I'd rather have him in my life than not at all, and I'll always be his friend first but its just the stuff behind that which is harder 2 deal with. Guess I'll just have 2 give it more time, I just hate waiting around for this type of closure itgoes against myself in a lot of ways which doesn't help. Hope your situation improves.

    • Yeah me too... the no contact thing is almost impossible.

What Girls Said 1

  • Hey doll! I hope this reaches you in good spirits. Ok, on to your situation...first and foremost, the only person of whom you are responsible for is your self! You owe him nothing. Not even your friendship. I know this sounds harsh but it is an absolute reality. If your residual feelings are not resolving while you continuing to interact with him, it might be smart to set a new plan in emotion. Take a step back. Whether you realize it or not, you are crippling yourself from moving forward. Maybe when the time is right & your emotions are no longer a hinderance, you can resume a friendship. But until then, you are only stifling yourself. I believe that the sever all ties approach is best if you're not planning to get back together with one another. How can you really move forward if you never allow yourself the opportunity to be without your ex? I'm going through the same thing right now. It is 6 months post breakup now & my heart is still attached. I know we'll never get back together & I accept that but I've bumped into him a couple of times & believe me when I tell you, I'm a mess for 3 days after I see him. I know one day I'll get over him but if I saw him all the time, I would be a complete mess. Anyway, good luck to you. I hope everything works our for ya. :)


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