My ex and I just recently broke up. He broke up with me for some weird reasons. I tried to get him to change his mind and he said he would take time to think but we haven't gotten back together. The last time we talked was Tuesday and I just stopped contacting him after that because I felt like I had tried all I could. So I decided to just go out with friends and have fun to get him off my mind. Then this morning at 4am he texted me. Normally I would be like oh he is just looking for a booty call but he is definitely not that type of guy and the message was kind of strange. When I woke up I texted him back and basically he said that this whole situation was tragic (his words not mine). I told him he was confusing and he said he was sorry and that he shouldn't have texted me. I asked him why he did and he said to attempt to talk. When I asked what he wanted to talk about he said he didn't know and that his mind is all jumbled up. I told him he needs to take time to figure things out but I told him if he really needed to talk he could talk to me. He said okay and sorry for bothering you... why do you think he texted me? Do you think he misses me and is having second thoughts? Should I have told him he needs to figure things out? Help!
Most Helpful Girl
Not meaning to sounds rude or harsh or brutal, putting myself into his shoes (although I don't know him in person), I would feel pressured with your reaction. For what ever the reason of the break up is, although I knew you gave him time to think about things and all from Tuesday till today morning, I'm under the impression that you are pressuring him into thinking properly and figuring things out most of the time when you reply to him. It's totally not wrong for you to ask him to think properly, and perhaps he has been pretty fickle minded and never put serious or good thoughts into things, but bear in mind that perhaps he himself have insecurities in making this decision even he has put thoughts in it. Maybe he had insecurely made a decision, but with you asking him to rethink about his decision, he might have been left even more fickle-minded?
Anyway this is merely one possibility. You seem to really want him to get back with you, but primarily, try thinking whether this is a relationship that you really want to be in on your own, before you even tell him that he needs to figure things out. Gauge your chances of getting back together. Relationship is about commitment, and it's also about sharing each others feelings. But a strong relationship can only be built when you yourself know what you really want, and so does he.
If you still really wanna give it a go, instead of saying he needs to figure things out, discuss with him (and most importantly LISTEN without forming opinions verbally to him) what has been in his mind. keep it very calm and neutral and try putting yourself in his shoes. If a break up is what he wanted after discussion, you know what to do. But honestly, purely based on what you've typed here, he may have missed you, but he seem to have made up his mind in breaking up but unsure of how to go abouts communicating with you after break-up (although I may be wrong). Sometimes instead of sounding needy or desperate (not saying that you are), we might be better off taking and accepting the break-up with dignity and holding our heads high. I wish you the best of luck.1
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