What makes guys stay in contact with some of their exes but not others?

Just curious, what makes a guy stay on contact with some of his exes but not all? My ex broke up with me in May after 11 months together because he wasn't falling in love. We tried to be friends, but things got complicated and we started hanging out and talking all of the time and of course hooked up a couple of times. Even with all of that he still said he felt he made the right decision in breaking up with me, even though he always told me he missed me, how amazing he thought I was and how scared he was that I would quickly meet someone else. He even decided we couldn't play on the same team in our sports league (which we had been doing for three months after the breakup) because he was still too attracted to me, which made it hard on him to be around me. Eventually I had enough and in September told him we had to go our separate ways, that I was sick of being used, and there has been no contact since then. A couple months back I sent him a text saying I missed talking to him and all he said it was a result of us going our separate ways and that was all.

I know he still talks to one or two of his exes who he has remained friends with, he was very honest with me about that when we were together. So why doesn't he seem to want to stay in contact with me? I know I made the decision to stop contact, but I made an effort to reach out and he essentially turned me down. Though the breakup was painful, it wasn't "bad" and I know he thinks highly of me, he and his friends all say that and he isn't the type to b.s. It makes me sad to think that we'll never talk again, but that seems to be the direction things are going. Maybe he just needs more time?


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What Guys Said 3

  • He needs more time for what?

    "Eventually I had enough and in September told him we had to go our separate ways, that I was sick of being used, and there has been no contact since then."

    Then...directly after that...

    "A couple months back I sent him a text saying I missed talking to him and all he said it was a result of us going our separate ways and that was all."

    You're crazy. What are you getting out of the relationship by talking to him? The more you dwell on him and your relationship that will never happen, the more time you're wasting trying to find another guy.

    Trying to find out why he talks to his other exes doesn't matter at this point. All that matters is you're not one of the other exes that he's talking to.

    "I know I made the decision to stop contact, but I made an effort to reach out and he essentially TURNED ME DOWN." - You answered the question yourself, and didn't realize it.

    Hope that helps. ;-)

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    • Thanks for the crazy comment :( I don't want to get back together because now that we aren't together I've realized that the relationship we had is not what I want or deserve.

      That doesn't mean that I don't miss talking to him because for nearly a year we confided in each other, told each other every part of our day, our dreams, etc. That means he knows me in a way no one else does and things have happened in my life that I would love to share with him. I care about him on a non-romantic

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    • Nobody else knows you like he does because you're stuck in the past...and nobody else will EVER know you like that until you take some chances and move on.

      I didn't mean crazy in a derogatory connotation...if that makes any sense.

    • hey,

      been in similar but different situ. see my questions. My ex wants to be 'mates' but similar story in that he is not interested and has messed me around a bit. My ex is still contacting so I have that to add to similar confusion you have. I agree in a way I think its not letting go of it. I often sit here and miss my ex etc, but I miss what I thought I had, who I thought he was, even being 'mates' which hasn't worked hasn't changed him. Thoughts are with you

  • never stayed in contact with any... ever.

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  • You told him you didn't want to be friends and go your seperate ways and he respected this. It may have even hurt his feelings to hear that in which case he probably didn't feel like being friends again. If you really want to be friends you'll have to reach out again. Nothing serious or heavy (no saying you miss him) just a hello. If he doesn't reply you'll get your answer but I really don't know if he wants to be anything with you right now. Time is the great healer but also means that some people once healed are completely over you and have no desire or interest to be anything more to you than somebody they used to know.

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