How do I deal with trust issues?

So after having been played in my previous relationships, lied to and cheated on, I feel like I have developed some trust issues. It’s been building up for some time, but the final relationship where I found out he was cheating changed something inside me completely.
I’ve started having these random thoughts pop up in my head like ‘oh that’s a nice shirt my brother is wearing... wonder if he’s about to see a side chic’ or ‘This dude looks hot and seems smart - he must be a good player’. And this happens all the time, whether it’s a stranger or someone I know, (and know they wouldn’t be a cheater, but can’t help but feel like that). In the back of my head I started subconsciously seeing a liar in every guy, thinking that some are just better than others. I even stopped wanting a relationship at all, as I feel that at the end of the day they will just play me and hurt me all over again.
Is this what you call trust issues? And how do I deal with this? People say that I’m still hurting and just need to heal, but I’m not sure, - I’ve been hurt before but I’ve never felt this way before... it’s something completely different. I’m well off so I could afford seeing a psychologist to talk about this - do you think I should? Or would it be unhelpful and do I really just need to wait?
  • Yes, chat to a psychologist, it would help
    Vote A
  • Nah, you just need some time to heal
    Vote B
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I understand this is unhealthy and I don’t want to project it on other people to ruin friendships or potential relationships. That’s why I want to know how to deal with it.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Everyone's perceptions about anything are always influenced by situations that have happened in their life. Any time someone feels as though talking to a psychologist would help, it probably would help and I would recommend it. Not everyone is a cheater, but a lot of people are. The fact that you need to realize is that it isn't something that you can control. Whether someone is, or isn't, you can't change it. The best thing I can think of to recommend is for like every day people just try remember that it doesn't matter if they are or are not because it's not something that you can control. If you start talking to someone new, let them you about your trust issues, don't do anything nuh sexual with them for a long time. The longer they will be with you without having sex, the higher chance of them being a cheater deminishes.

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  • A psychologist, or at least the right one, would help you to open up and help to give you ideas about how to heal. It can't be taken care by them completely you will have to stuff on your own too but I think a therapist is better, drugs are not needed at least not for the first part anyway. I have used a therapist for many years and it's just like talking to a good friend. But I'd find at least a friend to open up to, that in it's self can be extremely helpful. Maybe journaling might help you too!! Get all your thoughts out on paper.

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What Guys Said 22

  • Since you say you have the means, a professional intercession would benefit you greatly, and probably in far less time than it takes most of us to "just let things heal."
    Keep in mind though that (and you're probably gonna hate to see this) you're still just a babe in the woods when it comes too relationships. You've still got a lot to learn.
    Wish you the best of luck!

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  • Give yourself time. Above all, time. You need time to heal. Time to realise not all guys are defined by cheating like your exes. Before getting involved with nother guy, take time to observe him. Is he acting similar to your ex? Be wary if he is.

    Anyway, here's a *hug* for you you got this.

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  • Taking a few (as in seven) years off from romance and dating helped me, but it more let my wounds scar over rather than healed them. That said, therapists are overpriced charlatans and help nothing but the size of their own bank accounts.

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  • Come to me, i'll eliminate your trust issues from their bases...

    Because i'm an honest man... i have trust issues towards women too, especially keeping their promises... do you think that you can eliminate them for me 🙂

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  • You're getting depressed over tying your self esteem to how others treat you. Try painting or something creative that can elevate your self esteem based on your own merits and not what others think of you.

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  • Take your time and heal. You're young. Learn from these experiences. Not all guys are untrusting. There are guys out there that will treat you with all the love and respect you'd need.

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  • There's nothing wrong with you trust should be earnd never give. Anybody you date should earn your trust stay that way trust me it's a good thing that was your can tell who really cares from the fake dudes

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  • Relax your still on the learning curve. And yes it's natural, after that, just don't stay there. Find your way meet someone else. Sometimes a lady once told me after about 5 relationships you will work through your issues and be ready for a good one. Ps I've went through one lately and look forward to one I can trust. I'm questioning e erything, just remember just because you think it doesn't mean it's true.

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  • Boundaries and Beyond Boundaries are two books you should read. Both are by a pair of guys I have seen/heard multiple times and have the utmost respect for.

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  • I'm in the same boat. My friends say I have a very negative view of women but that's because I am smart and I know all about modern women. But trust me I am in the same boat.

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  • Take some time, and if the thoughts don't subside, then maybe worry about some therapy. Just don't let the one bad apple ruin the whole bushel.

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  • You'll heal in due time and learn that the dude who hurt you not only was worthless as a man, but he lost a good women. Truly his loss. Hold your held up high, and grow from it.

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  • Up with those assumptions. Not every handsome guy is a player. Try knowing the person more before getting into a relationship with them.

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    • As I said with some of these people I know for sure they aren’t a player. Like my brother for instance I know him so well.. and yet that thought still creeps up in my mind. I don’t know why, like I know not everyone is like that but whereas before I would only get the gut feeling with people who genuinely seemed weird, now I get that same feeling with everyone, ygm? It’s unhealthy and I want to deal with this but I don’t know how to

    • There are a whole lotta things that I can relate. Firstly, you started off of the wrong foot, I can say that it was your bad luck getting in relationship with those guys. Secondly, I would suggest you to make reasonable generalisations for people unless you start feeling a bit comfortable. Think about your past relationships that you had. Think about how they were before you came to know them, before you were in a relationship with them. What changes did they make after getting into a relationship with you? Question yourself. Then, if you feel like people whom you're interested in start showing that kind of behavior, leave them without saying a word. Now, you may say it will be better to dig a little deeper, but mostly it proves out to be disheartening. It is always good to distance yourself from unsurity rather than getting hurt.

  • If you want to chat with a physiologist then do it!!! Those thoughts aren't that bad. Those thoughts show you're wiser. You got those thoughts, but the only thing that removes them is getting to know those people if you can. Prejudice thoughts happen a lot, you just gotta remember they're assumptions and you shouldn't just avoid someone because he has nice shirts 😂 I think it's pretty normal that you're trying to spot players now and tbh if you get a trained eye then you can spot them pretty accurately. I know I can see if a guy's a player pretty quick, but the ones that scare me are the ones so good at it that it takes me a few months or so to realize. There's damn good players, but I think you just need to build trust in others by getting to know them. If they aren't patient with you then it's their issue, but if you get to know them and still don't believe them that's your issue. Ask yourself what it'd take for another person to earn your trust.

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  • See the liar in every guy lol. I'm guessing you're developing a 6th sense

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    • No, I’ve just been hurt before and so these irrational thoughts pop up in my mind.. and I know it’s unhealthy and wanna fix it

    • I can't help you there. Most guys are shit to be honest. But they are not difficult to spot.

  • Eh I don't trust anyone who doesn't earn my trust and those are standards you gotta set yourself

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  • This is a normal reaction, and a deeply carved emotional trauma..
    And you should just remember, that everything has a risk, and everything can hurt you, and it's hard to know what the right choice is... the thing is, everyone is going to hurt you... you just gotta find the one worth suffering for...
    And it will take time, and you shouldn't be reckless, but you also should take risks... you gotta trust your gut what is the right risk to take, and know that everything in this earth, hell universe! Can look like something else... then if so... what is life worth without taking risks? exactly, life is a risk (;
    So if your mom had to bring you to this world and risked herself for you because she loves you... then so can you, and even if it means going through 40 guys to get to him (;
    Just know , that in order to find the right man, you gotta be the right woman ( :
    And that doesn't mean change yourself, that means evolve yourself!
    So good luck!

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  • You feel this way cause you gave every thing to the max level that can't be seen if how unappreciated and under value for what you gave to your partner and he did not give a care in the world for it or yourself. You are right to feel how you feel but staying negative will only bring unhappiness to your life so best advised keep positive cause not every one lies a d cheats but those that do don't know better and end up losing someone great that will never be found again. Cheer up LIFE GOES ON AND IT'S MARVELLOUS WHEN STAYING POSITIVE EVEN ON A CLOUDY DAY..

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  • Honey u r 18 u have a long way to go. Dont give up yet.

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  • You can follow me for advise.. lol

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What Girls Said 5

  • I honestly know what you going through because i have been played before also. And i started to have trust issues like i can't trust no guy at all. Just give yourself time to heal and don't rush into another relationship.

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  • Yeah i know the feeling, when you put all of yourself into someone you fall hard and completely open yourself up because you believe youve found the one and then the truth hits completely out of no where knocks your heart from your chest. Im still working through mine but i believe taking the time to find yourself again will heal it and leave you with a lesson learned but one day you'll have to start anew and reapply that trust into another who will hopefully be deserving of it.

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  • If you can deal with it on your own, do. But if you feel like you need assistance, ask. It's not shameful to admit that a problem is bigger than you can handle on your own

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  • If you feel uncomfortable with yourself about this (I think you are cause if you weren't wouldn't be posting about) you should talk to a psychologist for a time.

    Everybody usually fears psychologists cause they think it's a waste of time (and if it's if you go forced and don't pay attention) and also many people think it's like being crazy. The truth is that psychologist are really useful nowadays, specially because the development of emotional intelligence is not treated in school, so the only way to make us emotionally stronger is through psychologists.

    However, only go to psychologist if this is bothering you. If this is not affecting your daily routine, family and friends, your goal achievement or your emotional state maybe it just can heal by itself.

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  • I think if you're able to distinguished that you're being judgmental on almost every people u come across with then it's a sign of awareness of ur state of being which implies that u really dnt need to see a psychologist, take ur time to maybe see things clearly, u see one person doesn't carry the whole world or the whole nation with him, no man is an island at the end of the day you still need someone to look after you and that means laying all your stones to them. Just take ur time and dnt be scared to smile back to people who show some goodness.

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