I snuck out of the house later, I stayed in a hotel room that night, and decided to stay. To this day, he says I was 60% the cause of this. I'm at a point where I have fully detailed my feelings to him, that I haven't been able to forgive him for slapping me, that I haven't been able to move on, abd that I don't trust him. He, in return, says I'm shooting him down and kicking him to the curb, not giving him a chance to make up for his actions and why haven't I gotten over this.
I love him, but not nearly as much as I used to. I'm hardly attracted to him. Our baby is 6 months old and I don't see a viable future with him if I can't bring myself to forgive him and move forward. He hasn't been abusive since and fully recognizes what he did was wrong, but that 60% my fault statement gets to me. Do I stay? Do I go? I was very clear on how I feel and that I do love him to an extent but that I'm stuck on this incident and I can't move forward. He's upset and hurt, but so am I. Any and all advice welcome.
- Should I have stayed/should I stay?
- Should I have left/should I leave?
Most Helpful Guy
I've personally seen these things escalate. First she started hitting me in the face with fists, then she broke her hand on my face and started using whatever she could grab. The worst time she picked up a screw driver and started screaming "I'm ganna stab you" I laughed at her and then she stabbed me. Get away now while you still can.2
Most Helpful Girl
People like this will always blame someone or something else for their actions. The only reason to ever hit like that is if someones life/safety is in immediate danger which obviously wasn't the case. In general, yes it's good to give partners a second chance for things because no relationship is going to be perfect but when it comes to abuse of any kind you really have to draw a hard line.
It was you this time when you were alone with him and vulnerable but what if next time it's the kid? How long before that happens? There's little that messes a person up as much as abuse. GET OUT NOW. Before you get in too deep, before you get too used to the way he treats you and before you get hurt even more than you are now.
If you and the baby are going to move out, arrange to stay at a friends place while you look for somewhere else, it'll be safer then. If you move out you'll also have the advantage that he won't know where you live (for crying out loud DON'T post pics of the new building/house online). He also needs to be going to counseling so you know he'll be safe around the kid because there's a good chance he'll have visiting rights, which should be the observed kind until you know for sure it's safe.
If you're staying and he's moving, you'll probably want to get some sort of security system and maybe even rent out a room in the house to a student or something. Having someone else around always helps things stay more civil. Remember, he doesn't "own" you, he can have one of his friends come to the house to pick up things he might 'forget' and you should always meet him in a lit, public place, during the day. Don't go in the car together or share a taxi or be alone, especially at night. Some abusive partners who were more reserved can become less stable after a break up.
Probably make it clear you're not "taking his son/daughter away" too but the more help he gets the more often he can see him/her. It's a daunting path but it's so much better doing it when it starts rather than years down the track.1