Back at the end of July 2017, I was 6 weeks pregnant. My husband knew. We got into a fight and he slapped me. Do I stay or go?

He got stressed over work. Somehow we got into an argument on the way home in the car. He tore my sunglasses off my face and threw them out the window. When we got home, I tried to cool off by going to wash my face. He ordered me to sit down, to which I responded I needed to wash my face. He then grabbed my wrists; I pulled back and resisted. He then slapped me so hard, I ended up on the ground. He threatened to hit me more and loomed over me for a while. I crawled on the floor to the bathroom with him continuing to follow and loom over me, threatening me and asking why I made him do this.
I snuck out of the house later, I stayed in a hotel room that night, and decided to stay. To this day, he says I was 60% the cause of this. I'm at a point where I have fully detailed my feelings to him, that I haven't been able to forgive him for slapping me, that I haven't been able to move on, abd that I don't trust him. He, in return, says I'm shooting him down and kicking him to the curb, not giving him a chance to make up for his actions and why haven't I gotten over this.
I love him, but not nearly as much as I used to. I'm hardly attracted to him. Our baby is 6 months old and I don't see a viable future with him if I can't bring myself to forgive him and move forward. He hasn't been abusive since and fully recognizes what he did was wrong, but that 60% my fault statement gets to me. Do I stay? Do I go? I was very clear on how I feel and that I do love him to an extent but that I'm stuck on this incident and I can't move forward. He's upset and hurt, but so am I. Any and all advice welcome.
  • Should I have stayed/should I stay?
    Vote A
  • Should I have left/should I leave?
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've personally seen these things escalate. First she started hitting me in the face with fists, then she broke her hand on my face and started using whatever she could grab. The worst time she picked up a screw driver and started screaming "I'm ganna stab you" I laughed at her and then she stabbed me. Get away now while you still can.

    • I appreciate you sharing your own experience. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop; not as in I want it to happen, but I know it's inevitable and it's going to happen again. I need to leave before that. I can't raise my son this way.

    • Call the local hospital and they'll give you a number for an abuse shelter. It won't be long before you get all his money.

Most Helpful Girl

  • People like this will always blame someone or something else for their actions. The only reason to ever hit like that is if someones life/safety is in immediate danger which obviously wasn't the case. In general, yes it's good to give partners a second chance for things because no relationship is going to be perfect but when it comes to abuse of any kind you really have to draw a hard line.

    It was you this time when you were alone with him and vulnerable but what if next time it's the kid? How long before that happens? There's little that messes a person up as much as abuse. GET OUT NOW. Before you get in too deep, before you get too used to the way he treats you and before you get hurt even more than you are now.

    If you and the baby are going to move out, arrange to stay at a friends place while you look for somewhere else, it'll be safer then. If you move out you'll also have the advantage that he won't know where you live (for crying out loud DON'T post pics of the new building/house online). He also needs to be going to counseling so you know he'll be safe around the kid because there's a good chance he'll have visiting rights, which should be the observed kind until you know for sure it's safe.

    If you're staying and he's moving, you'll probably want to get some sort of security system and maybe even rent out a room in the house to a student or something. Having someone else around always helps things stay more civil. Remember, he doesn't "own" you, he can have one of his friends come to the house to pick up things he might 'forget' and you should always meet him in a lit, public place, during the day. Don't go in the car together or share a taxi or be alone, especially at night. Some abusive partners who were more reserved can become less stable after a break up.

    Probably make it clear you're not "taking his son/daughter away" too but the more help he gets the more often he can see him/her. It's a daunting path but it's so much better doing it when it starts rather than years down the track.

    • I don't have a lot of time to respond, but I appreciate your kindness and your input. Thank you so much.

    • Thanks :) I hope your plans go well and remember having support from other people makes a big difference, don't be afraid to do that.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • If you had asked this at the time, I would have advised you to leave him. Since you're asking now, you have the child, so it is more complicated. Are you confident that won't happen again? How is he with your child? What would be the financial ramifications of leaving him now?

    • I don't think it'll happen again, but I fear for my son. This guy has abused all of him immediate family members in some way. Right now, he is gentle and very good with my child. I can only hope it stays that way. I'm in no financial position to leave.

    • I thought that might be the case (regarding the finances). He's an abuser, so you won't be able to stay with him forever. Start making plans to leave at some point before it happens again.

    • Thank you for your input. It's extremely helpful. I had hope that he wouldn't be an abuser, but how he values people and treats them has really opened my eyes to the fact that he's not the same person I once fully loved and knew my

  • Domestic abusers typically follow a pattern of escalation. First he yells at you, tries to control you, then hits you, (apologizes). Then he hits you again and puts you in the hospital,(apologizes), then he kills you. Around 80% of female homicide victims are at the hands of their husband/boyfriend. 80%! Get out now, for your own sake and your kids.


What Girls Said 3

  • Why are you even asking this? Are you perhaps an idiot? No matter how mad he got, he shouldn't have snatched your glasses off your face. And then to slap you ahrd enough to knock you down later? You already knew that this man was violent. That's why you snuck out after the incident and didn't just walk out the front door. You made a terrible mistake by going back. The kind of man who would hit a pregnant woman won't have any troubles breaking your things, hitting youore, forcing you today Tay when you want to go, and even hurting your child. Leave. Now. For yourself and your kid. He says it's mostly your fault it happened, and that means his apology isn't genuine. He justified slapping his pregnant girlfriend down to the floor. There's no coming back from that.

    • I don't appreciate being called an idiot; in 16 years, this has never happened. I'm stunned and shocked. Thank you for your input, I greatly appreciate it.

    • I'm asking if you are. It was a rhetorical question. If you don't feel like you are, then you must not be. And at the time you did the smart thing. I'm sure you're smarter than this now too. You did the right thing then. Stick to your guns.

    • Thank you. I'm sorry, I'm still extremely emotional about yours. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me.

  • If he's abusive and violent, why WOULD you stay?

    • He's abused everyone else in his family; I don't want him to get my child and I feel it's inevitable. I don't trust him. I don't think staying is an option.

    • Show All
    • If you feel it's inevitable, why the FUCK ARE YOU STILL THERE? WHY ARE YOU HAVING TO ASK ON HERE? Anyone I know would have ran away so fast there'd be flaming footprints in their wake, because they CARE about their child! some people really need to have some fucking damn surgery so they can't have children. Both males and females.

    • I'm just saying this so you know (I'm in no way defending abusers or people who stay in those relationships) but not everyone knows something different. There's a huge amount of women today who have always been mistreated, talked down to or abused by those close who are supposed to care from them throughout their lives. If you're always expecting that from people who 'care' about you, how do you have a comparison for when it gets 'too bad'? I understand what you're saying, and you're not wrong but the more that people can feel safe to ask questions like this (and get the same resounding answer from everyone it seems) the more people can get out of those situations and make a better life for themselves and their kid/s. It's good that she had the gumption to ask now instead of silently worrying about it. You might already know (or have experienced) some of this and it's easy to get heated when it comes to abuse but the more support victims get, the better things can turn out. Thanks.

  • Leave. He's an abuser, he'll hurt you and/or the baby.
    ~ Mrs Manson


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