Why does it still hurt even if you're the one that ended it?


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Most Helpful Guys

  • You've once had cherished memories with them that you didn't want to let go but had to for both your sake. It's painful to break it off with someone if you truly loved them; it's even more painful when you wanted the relationship to work but they refused to change for the better. If you never cared about them in the first place, you wouldn't be feeling any kind of emotional pain after the break-up which isn't the case here.

    It's ok to feel emotionally hurt; it just shows how much you enjoyed and loved the good times in the relationship while you embraced them. Take in the knowledge you learned from your past relationship and make the next one even better! It'll take time for you to emotionally recover but eventually, all will be well again!

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  • Because you had to hurt the person you love to free both of you.

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    • But if you end it than you don’t love them

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    • @Slee93
      Rarely that simple for most humans.
      A lot of people end even if they still love the person because they doesn't work on enough points to be a couple or for that matter more than friends.
      Feelings can take time to rearrange. very common people rearrange it to hate just to make room for someone else and move on, but it is hazardous to do for your own sake and aren't really to move on emotionally.

Most Helpful Girls

  • It's just damn hard. You got with this person because you saw something in him/her that resonated with you. Even early on you can have such hopes that you've found "the one". Then things happen for whatever reason and it's just very difficult to not be disappointed after it ends. And the longer things last, the harder it is to let go of what could have been or what you had hoped would have been. Even if you're the one who initiated the breakup.

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  • Just because you've ended the relationship doesn't mean your feelings for that person magically go away. Break-ups hurt whether you are the one who initiated it or not. That's just the nature of them. Even if you know it was the right decision, it may take a while for your heart to catch up to your mind, and that's okay. It will just take time to start feeling better.

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What Guys Said 44

  • It's a loss, and a change. Even if you did the break up, your mind nerds time to go through the grieving process. If someone close to you dies, there are a lot of similar emotions. This is just the death of a relationship. Take your time when getting serious again.

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  • For me, shattered expectations. All the "why couldn't it just have been this way?" And "I loved her so much, if only she didn't ___" not that it's a good thing, but that's what happened to me when I broke up with my ex.. I wanted so badly to be with her, I still do, but we both have a lot of issues with ourselves that poured over into how we treated each other

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  • If you had a good time with the person, yet didn't see it going anywhere or w/e, I think we wish for what might have been.
    For some, maybe the other person felt hurt which is not the intention of the person ending it.
    For others, they might feel they did the wrong thing.

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  • Depends, if you ended it not because you wanted to but because you had to (moving, cheating, etc) it will obviously still hurt to lose the person you love. If you ended it because you wanted to tho and still feel hurt then I guess you should've thought a bit more before making that decision? Anyway, could be that you're just still getting used to not having someone. "A relationship hangover"

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  • In my case, I feel like I lost my friend I've known for over two years to our relationship and I still have no reason why I had to end it the way I did, so I definitely bear a lot of guilt.

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  • I wonder that honestly. Does a woman regret rejecting a guy who genuinely has good intentions... but... don't give him the time of day? I've seen some women pass up really upfront guys but they always get rejected whereas theyd rather have a guy they always complain about they dont want?

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  • BECAUSE YOU DONE FUCKED UP lol :) no seriously you messed up that is why it hurts

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  • Because you still care.

    Not enough to go back to them. Just enough to make you remember them and the fun times that happened with them.

    Just enough to make you miss that feeling of giddy joy.

    Just enough to hurt yourself on the inside.

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  • Regrets, doubts it was the Right decision, fear of being alone, feel bad About Breaking up with the other Person.

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  • You had expectations. You put time and effort and money into an idea that fell through and you dont want it to be wasted. You tried and failed and dont like the taste.

    But the goodbye has begun. And like all goodbyes, they must be swift and held too

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  • Cause u were used to be happy with a specific person.. talk to him... love him.. was part of your life but now.. its gone... u feel u lost something important..

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  • Of course it does. A loss is a loss, regardless of the reasons.

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  • most likely you ended it for no good reason
    Sorry , but you have to live with the consequences of your decisions
    Hang in there , and best of luck

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  • Breakup is one of the saddest thing that can happen to anyone and therefore it hurts a lot too.
    It feels like a chunk of enormous emotion gone just in a snap.

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  • It means you still have feelings for the person. That is sadly becoming a rare thing these days.

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  • Because anyway there were nice moments between both of you and you miss them. But it's okay, everything will be fine

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  • Depends on why you ended it. For me it hurt like hell cuz, i broke up with her not because she or I did something wrong, but because my parents cornered me and forced me into making the decision. Trust me. It hurt like hell. Took me a whole year to get over it.

    Sometimes people break up because they want to go somewhere else to study, or feel the relationship won't work. In these cases as well as what i experienced, it always hurts to initiate the break, because you are breaking the heart of the person who loves you the most. And seeing him/her hurt also breaks your heart.

    Otherwise, its because its hard to leave behind all that emotional and psychological baggage. The wonderful memories, the golden times... It hurts in a bittersweet way to reminisce those moments, no mattwr how fleeting they are.

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  • Because you or I still think about them and all of those feelings are wrapped up, like in an instant to mull over.. Rebounds only ease the pain.

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  • There can still be a sense of loss, even if the decision was in your best interest.

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  • Cos you are human unlike other people who feel nothing when they do it

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What Girls Said 21

  • Yes, it can. Sometimes, you don't want to break up but, you have to because it's just not working out between the two of you so you have to end things. Also, some people who break up with their s. os feel hurt about not being able to save the relationship because, their mates just wouldn't work at the relationship, or change self destructive patterns that were detrimental to the relationship etc.

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  • For me it was hard to let go. You look back on the happy and angry moments and you just know this person doesn't deserve you. It saddens you that this person couldn't be more for you. Almost feels like a waste of time. But as time passes you know you did the right thing because you'll feel free.

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  • Making the decision to end a relationship would hopefully not be taken lightly. It's coming to a hard truth and not wasting anyone's time. I've been there, I've been there three times... and it's agony. You did the right thing, but of course you still miss the person and feel horrible for hurting them.

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  • because unless you are a narcissist or a sociopath you don't enjoy hurting others. no one does. this is nornal and why it hurts us.

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  • Because obviously you and that person had a connection but for whatever reason things changed. It still hurts because you had memorise with this person. Also without this person you wouldn't be who you are either because everything in life teaches us something and leaves us with more.

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  • Because loss always hurts.
    Someone once told me that after a break up you are actually grieving the loss of that person, even if they're still alive.

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  • Because it has a big impact on your current daily life.

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  • Maybe because you’re adjusting to a new lifestyle and until you’re used to it again of course your mind is going to wander back to what could have been.

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  • Maybe you were pushed into doing it. It wasn't because you didn't love him, but because he hurt you too much with his apathy or else.

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  • Because some times you don't know what you want until its to late

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  • It usually hurts because u thought it would last forever and didn't expect to be the one to break it off

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  • That should be the feel good side of leaving , maybe you should not have left him

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  • Because you still have your doubts and still love the person or have a deep affection.

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  • Because u realized u loved him.

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  • Because you maybe made a mistake

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  • That's what I was thinking too

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  • cus its not the same comfort you were in

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  • Goodbyes are seldom ever actually good.

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  • bcoz ur a dump

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  • because you still love that person

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