Girlfriend dumped me for specific reasons, but gone other

Well basically me and my girlfriend split up almost 3 weeks ago after 3.5 years together. She told me that she wanted to just be able to go out and have fun, hang out with her pals, meet new people, explore and experience new things, not be tied down to a relationship just now (we are both 20) and to be single for quite sometime... We spoke on the phone and through email once within the next 5 days and that's where she said again that she wanted all of the above and that she wouldn't be moving on that fast as she is happy to be alone and single...Well, 4 days later she goes to a friends beach party and apparently they start talking. She told me 2 days ago that they have been hanging out quite a lot and that "she really likes him" and "he seems to like her" and that they are more than friends and they have already done flirting/kissing/and som bedroom activities...It doesn't make senseconsidering why she broke up with me in the first place! She moved on within a week and basically in a new relationship already. Also she has never been the type of girl to jump into a relationship that fast before, so again that doesn't make sense. we split up for just under a month a year ago and she met someone after 1 week then too, however they only hung out a couple times and only managed kissing a couple of times. She said that she had made a mistake going with him as it wasn't what she wanted. That she tried being with someone else and didint like it nor want it again in future and that she just wanted to be with me forever... my friends and family all are furious with what she has done and eem to think it was more pre planned. She says she wants to have more space and time apart from me so she can sort of forget the 3.5 years in such a way, but to me and others it seems like she has already forgotten them considering what she's done...She said she hasn't and I'm being stupid... :S

In all I just don't know what oo do or think about th situation. I have came over for a holiday to scotland to see my family for the last 2 months almost, and this is where she says she's done a lot of changing, I don't think by herself though...everyone says others must have said something...Obviously not being there, she's missed out on the happiness, love and lust and do you think that's why she's gone straight to a new boy because she missed it or another reason?

What do you think about the whole situation of wanting to be single but then straight to a new guy?

Basically I'm just asking for advice on what to say/do or what you think about everything I have said...? I didn't want to split with her and I love her and care for her to pieces. She says she cares for me a lot and always loved me and that she's really sorry. If sh did care or was really sorry, she would stop what she's doing right and think of not just herself?

Peiple have said it seems to be a lot of cofusing in her mind and that...

What does everyone think? Advice, please help? :(

I hear what everyone is saying and I know I have to move on from it and deserve better. We started dating just 16.5. The guy, we saw at a few parties in past but they never spoke. I can't know from being in scotland this time. But they never talked before
So I don't think she did anything before with him. My friends all knew they never spoke to each other until just recently. I can't answer for the last month since being out of the country... But she's not a cheater and always assured me of that...
I don't get why considering she had a thing a year ago and said it wasn't right for her and that I was who she wanted and didn't want to be with someone else.. We were really happy together when I left for the UK. I agree that rest of it sounds like lies.
Just to finish what I was trying to say to you Jonny. we've met at parties before but my ex and him have never ever spoken to each other. Never had phone numbers, email or new each other up until last two weeks, so I don't think its that


Most Helpful Guy

  • Translation. "You may have been a good boyfriend to me, but I got tired of you and I want to explore other guys out there. Even though I and young and I told you that I don't want to be tied down in a relationship that was just to let you down easy. I just don't want to be in a relationship with YOU now. I am moving on, but I still want you a part of my life for advice, comfort, and for someone to talk to about my problems with guys I will be boning. It doesn't matter if you understand or not, because your feelings are not my main concern, it's all about me. Even though I know you are good for me and I know how you feel about me, I have been seeing this other guy anyway. Things are going great with him and there is nothing you can say or do that will change my mind. I would like for you to be "friends" with me because I don't want to feel guilty about this, and even though it won't be a real "friendship", you will understand anyway because I know you are a sucker for me. Thank you for all the good times, but it's over. Take care, chase me, be jealous, and try to enjoy the front row seat of misery that awaits you". Move on, cut all communication, don't be "friends" with her, start dating other girls, live your life, don't wait for her and remember this experience. Don't put "love" in front of common sense.

    • Well I'm not sure if that is the correct translation but some of it makes sense to me. She wants to be friends still, but said she needs space and time to forget the 3.5 years we went out and that she can't go from partners to friends in 2 months. From what she has done, she's not really worth it and I'm going to focus on myself and getting my life on track. Everyone thinkgs he is rebound and everyone has said she has taken a step back as he's pretty disgusting, so her loss also. I deserve much betta

    • Exactly. You do deserve better. Don't be "friends" with her no matter what and cut all communication. Guys fall for that all the time thinking "friendship" is the way to get their exes back but ti doesn't work that way. Working on yourself is good, and keep your focus there. Build your confidence, keep yourself looking good, have a life with a positive direction, have fun, and start dating. Don't get into a relationship, just start dating and the rest will follow.

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What Girls Said 2

  • i hate to tell you this, but it sounds like you guys have grown apart. your only 20 so you started dating when you were 16/17? it's really likely that she met this guy while going out with you, and she now wanted to pursue a relationship with him. she would've told you she just wants some time to be single and explore new things, because she wouldn't have wanted to hurt your feelings. if you've been together for that long you obviously really mean something to her, but from 16-20 a girl changes her mind so so much and honestly, I think most girls are completely different people at 20 than what they were at 16. your question really hits home, this sounds EXACTLY like my first relationship. I started dating my first boyfriend at 15 and had to break it off at 18 because I was just a completely different person and told him exactly what she told you. my first boyfriend still means a lot to me, and took the break up really hard. we don't talk anymore, but I've always wanted to tell him that it really had nothing to do with him, I'd simply just grown into a different person. I know it's cliche but it really was me, not him. which I'm sure is the same for you.

    • well I'm not sure about grown apart, maybe that's what it is, I'm not sure. As I've said to previous comments and updates, the guy she went with, she only met him 2 weeks ago. We seen him at parties in past, but they never spoke. No phone numbers, email or anything previous to the last 2 weeks so I don't she has known him very long. I think its partially cause he's a sleeze guy and she just missed comforting and went to the first guy who offered. My friends and family have said the same thing as me.

  • She said she wanted to be free to have new experiences and not tied down... that is exactly what she is doing. So she fooled around with a guy she liked, that doesn't mean she has a new boyfriend, it means she is enjoying single life. And just because something happened with someone else doesn't mean she is over you or not upset about the break up. She's just avoiding moving on by distracting herself.

    It seems to me she doing what she said she wanted, and you need to move on.

    • Its just funny is all, with the reasoning for breaking up with me in the first place. fact she says she "really likes him" after only knowing him less than 2 weeks and doing what she has done. She's never been that type of girl as I've said, so it just seems strange. They started hooking up at a party last weekend in front of everybody basically, where all my best mates are and everyone is furious and pissed off with what she is doing. It seems like she doesn't really care what she is doing...

What Guys Said 2

  • Man I feel for you I really do, you must forget her she ain't sick or confused and nobody has made her do this only herself she broke up with you cause she liked him no question about it, I've had girls break up with me and say the things your girl said but they really did stay single for a year or 2 this was all a pack of lies she told you actions speak louder than words if you meant so much to her she would'nt have done this and don't think for a second she is hurting like you cause if she was she would not be with this guy. YOU DESERVE BETTER ! Learn from this and don't be thinking the 'what ifs' . I know the next few months are going to be hell for you but it does get better trust me and you'l think back and wonder why you were so down about the whole thing. Take pride in the fact you can love someone and someone can love you, and it will happen again I promise you!

    • Thanks for the advice. As I've said to others about the whole knowing him, I don't think that's the case at all. I just think he friends were like break up with him (me) and enjoy life and so she did, but missed the comfort of relationship and went to first guy she saw (friends friend). He's a complete sleeze anyways. Everyone says she will realizse her mistake and regret it alot. I think some of what she told me is lies. You right, if I meant more she wouldn't have done what she has done.

  • I'd say she liked him for a while previous to this and used this as an excuse to get out of the relationship and in her head, to make it easier for you. Rather than telling you she likes someone else and wants to be with him instead. As you said she isn't the type of girl to jump into things right away with any random guy, which makes it abit more obvious that he isn't just a random guy, but a guy she's met before... possibly through her friend who had the beach party. I've had girls do something similar. It really sucks.

    • Well I see what your saying and have wondered this also, but fact is they only started talking to each other and met up less than 2 weeks ago. She's never been the cheating type of girl and I know she wouldn't do that sort of thing to me. My friends and family think she's done what she has to make me angry and jealous for me to stop liking/loving her in a partner way... I sort of agree with that. As for the rest who knows. When I say random guy, he's a friends friend. We met at parties before

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