Is there still hope of us getting back together?

Hello. My relationship has been a roller coaster. Two extremes. Really happy and really sad. On and off. My boyfriend and I had said over and over again that we would stop arguing, take each other into consideration, and be simple and happy. Towards the end, I was really insecure and I would ruin good moments for no reason. I took him for granted. He was so sweet to me. And I just took it all and made it into something like it wasn't real, like it wasn't good enough. Tired of this sh*t, he broke up with me. It's been 2 weeks we haven't seen each other. He said we can still keep in touch and he wants to be friends, but he's not ready and he has to let feelings blow over. When asked if it would ever go further, he said I really don't think so. Thing is I don't want to be just friends. And I'm done being my unhappy self. I told him what if that was offered and he said he doesn't trust me. He can't answer if I say ideally would you pick friends, us happy, or nothing. He says friends, like us happy is not an option. Anyway, why would he still want to eventually keep me in his life(if that's even true)? And what should I do? Does reassuring him that he was always sweet to me going to change anything? Right now, I'm staying out and trying to forget. If he contacts me, I answer truthfully and I don't throw anything negative. His mom said he's hurt and she's convinced he'll come back for me. But from what he's told me, I really don't think so. I was selfish and I'm going to stop. But, seriously is there any hope of us getting back together, or at least of him wanting to see me? I tired to make this as clear as possible.

Good news. He just told me he still has the same feelings but he's not ready to be with me. So, we're trying out as friends. When he's ready to see me. He said we'll still talk. I'll just live my life. I'm happier this way, but I'm still on guard.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I was on the side of your boyrifrned in my relationship and it feels TERRIBLE to be on the receiving end of someone that "plays games.' I felt I was also not good enough for her because every time we were getting close or had a great time she would ruin it. I finally broke it off and this is after many previous on again/off again in the past with her. Reaching the final straw is a process and if he is not contacting you it's not a good sign. He might of "had it." The thoguht that crossed my mind was "how is making up this time around going to be any different than it was before?" For a while she would act great and we would be really close, only for her to start the push/pull thing all over again. It gets old and tricks are for they say...We only get one life and sometimes we are lucky to get a second chance with a person...but a 4th,5th, and 6th chance just gets old...I can understand your boyfriend as well as your frustration but perhaps you may have commitment phobia as my ex later discovered...I broke up with her over a year ago and I'm happy to say, it was the best decision of my get ONE life...try to get it right and appreciate ALL that yoU HAVE NOW because once it's taken for may not always be there...I hope this helps you in some way by hearing what it's like to be the other person...we all just want to love and be loved without the drama...

    • Hey. Thanks a lot! I am trying to understand him and that helped. As for myself, I don't think it was commitment issues, just insecurity when there was no reason to be. I was just not happy with myself. Especially when he would give me a break, so it was hard going back and feeling okay. But, it makes a lot of sense how he just wants to get away from it all.. I called him yesterday and I told him how much he means to me and how I was really sorry. He said I was smart, don't know y tho.

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  • saying sweet stuff does nothing ,i know break ups hurt and I been where youare and still so my advice might not be great. but so your saying you still want him ? well ask yoruself.. and I bet your girlfriends asked you this...Is he worth going back? if he is why? what makes him so special. ANd how do you know he is exactlly the one? the one worth for the same heart ach again? I'm asking myself this too:( respond back and ill keep helping if you like my advice :D

    • For sure he's worth it. I care a lot about him. I was too selfish and I think I blew it. What I meant by reassuring him was is this because I took all the nice things he said to me and threw them out the garbage? Is there a way to fix that and tell him I appreciated that and that it meant everything to me. Or is too late? I said I was sorry and for things to change. But he doesn't trust that. What do I do..?

  • you sound a lot like me a few weeks ago. I was blaming myself for all the issues in the relationship. to go along with what intolove said, you have to think about why he is so special and why you feel that you need to be with him. once this is done, you need to think about those mistakes you both made and think about whether or not they can really be fixed or not. do not blame just yourself, you both made mistakes, and both need to work on these before you can meet up and have this be positive. if you guys can maturely work on your issues you may have a chance to work on the relationship, otherwise, you would only be getting back together because you missed one another but nothing would have changed and you would find you break up again in no time.

    • Yeah for sure. He ever takes me back, it'll be different. I'm working on myself and there's no way I could stand loosing him again. Hopefully, he will see me, even just as friends, because there's a lot there. Maybe I just have to prove to him that I can appreciate him?

    • that will come when he contacts you.. for now.. space is what you need..

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