How to come back from a dumb, stupid move?

There's a girl I've been friends with for several months, just very recently started dating. A couple days ago, we ran into each other at a party. Both of us were very drunk. We danced a little bit, she slipped, in my attempts to catch her I inadvertently got a handful of boob. Thus ensued some awkwardness for the rest of the evening despite my profuse apologizing.

However, she found me later, said she was ready to leave and asked if I was going to. Our initial idea was to grab a cab. We ran into some people outside, chatted a bit. Eventually I said, "hey, I'm parked not too far away from here, let's walk." I should have realized at the beginning she was a bit annoyed with my decision (she was keeping the trees and bike racks on the sidewalk between us). What I expected to be a 15 minute walk turned into 40, with her in heels. I had to convince her to take my coat and hat. At the end of it, she was cold, uncomfortable, and downright pissed off at me.

The next morning, I sent a very apologetic email including the line “I’m not sure that I am even worthy of calling myself your friend.” She texted me back surprisingly quickly (I was expecting not to hear anything for a couple days), saying “It’s cool, we’re still friends”.

So I don’t know where I stand now. Have I completely shot my chances with her? Can I recover? Should I take her out to a nice restaurant as an apology? Should I put this past her: “do you think we could ever be more then friends?” We just started winter break, so I won’t be seeing her for a couple weeks, but this will be eating at me until I see her again.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • First off, stop apologizing. You already apologized, she said it was cool, and honestly what you did was not a big deal. It will definitely give you guys something to look back and laugh about though :)

    I think putting the line “I’m not sure that I am even worthy of calling myself your friend.” in the email was a mistake. It makes you sound like you completely lack confidence, something that is not attractive.

    You did not ruin your chances with her. You should ask her if she wants to meet for coffee or something once the break is over.

    In the future, apologize once or twice and then drop it.

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    • Maybe the "I'm not worthy" line was a bit much, but I seriously felt that way after seeing how pissed off she was at the end of the walk. So yeah, I apologised, she accepted and that was the extent of it. I appreciate you stopping me from going ahead and buying her an "I'm sorry" dinner that would be overkill. As for the accidental grope, I apologised to her 1-2x. "Profuse" was the wrong term.

      In your opinion, just coffee when we get back or pick up where we left off and get a normal dinner?

    • Thanks for the best answer! I have never gotten one before :)

      I would say just coffee at first. Coffee seems less formal so you can "test the waters" and see if she seems interested before going on a more serious date. If all goes well you can ask her to dinner for a second date.

      Good luck

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 3

  • Quit apologizing to her for everything, for a start. Sure it's chivalrous to say "Hey I didn't mean to grab you like that", along with offering your coat and hat. But don't roll out the red carpet of apologies for her.

    She texted you back after your email saying that it's cool. So drop it, forget about the awkwardness like it never happened and keep moving along with her like you would have otherwise.

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  • drunk driving...NICE

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  • Every action you take just screams that you are lower value than her. Apologizing profusely, telling her you think you may not even be worthy of being her friend... I'd be very surprised if she's actually attracted to you at this point, if she ever was. It's okay to apologize for something, but what you're doing seems more like groveling.

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