I Need a Girlfriend! But I'm Still Scared?

I got really hurt by my ex, who's now pregnant by some guy who paid her to have sex. I dated her for two years, she said she just used me because of my money, looks, body, and whatever. She just took advantage of me. I'm still taking care of her though. When her parents found out about her pregnancy they kicked her out. Now, I still felt something for her, so I let her including her stupid boyfriend to come live with me. And she stays there for free, no charge in food, shelter, and stuff. I think I'm going a bit too far. And now, my dad who's sick wants to have grand kids already since he's 79 years old. He fears he won't be able to see his grandchild. Since my older sis, Yunata, is having trouble with her job and no time for love and relationships. And my younger sister, Akino, is still studying and she's still 19 years of age, she can't have a boyfriend just yet my mom said. And since I'm the only male child, and currently with a stable job, I'm somehow the perfect person to get a girl, and get married. The truth is, I really do need a new girlfriend, but I'm not so sure if I'm ready to love someone again. What if I get dumped by her again. Should I really give it all? I don't even know if I can take the pain again.

Updates:
All of you guys have the same Answer. But what you're asking me to do is really hard for me.
Well, mainly my question is, I need a girlfriend and is it okay for me to get one soon when I'm still not healed from my last breakup. My ex, is not really the issue.

0|0
913

Most Helpful Guy

  • As messed up as the situation is man, there are other women out there. You have yet to experience the world, you must detach yourself from her. She chose her mate. Not all woman are like that. Trial and error my friend, you simply hit an error, so you must start another trial. As for the girl and her sad dude? Be the helpful one and give him another chance at life, if he fails, then dump them.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Well, mainly my question is, I need a girlfriend and is it okay for me to get one soon when I'm still not healed from my last breakup. My ex, is not really the issue.

    • Im sorry I was overboard there, my friend its best to heal first. I've had, similar problems and moving on while still hurt doesn't help. I mean you can and maybe the next person will help you and heal quickly. But I think its best to heal.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 9

  • Time will heal. Your ex sounds like a really bitchy person! I think you need to try 2 stop helping her out. Still stay friends with her or what not but she's basically using you again! It will hurt even more if you keep helping her out. You need to enjoy life. Do the things you love doing to try and forget about her. Once she's out your system go out there and meet someone new. It might take a while to find the perfect girl your looking for and it is painful to get dumped as I said time will heal. But you might bump in to the girl of your dreams straight away and have a long happy life with her. You can't go through life lonely and you deserve happiness. Best wishes :)

    0|1
    0|0
    • Well, thnx for being kind and gentle with your words. Great someone stopped calling me crazed and stupid lol. Well, it does make me feel good helping anyone. I know she might be using me again. But I don't think she can hurt me again. I'm kinda healing. I met this girl. She's a worker at a clothing shop, where I usually buy my clothes. She really is great buddy. I've actually been friends with her for 1 year. She's a very responsible and kind individual. Well, maybe I can start all over again?

  • No dear. Wait until you get the ex out of your system. Forget other people's time line, you need to follow your OWN. You're not ready for a new one yet. That's the bottom line.

    As for grampa, say you have to hold on a bit longer gramps... I'll get there but you have to give me a little time to heal. Same goes to everyone else. You aren't healed yet. Why else would you let your ex use you again? Throw the cow out...

    I know it's hard but you have to.. you can't get over something that's there every day, reminding you of how she used you and f*cked you over.

    0|1
    0|0
    • PS. No, you don't let her out on the street to die and suffer... you let the effing boyfriend take care of her. It's no longer your concern. Don't buy her bs. She can and WILL get help, she won't be on the streets.

    • Her boyfriend is not a "I'll do everything I can for you" type of person. He's more likely to dump her. Coz, I think the reason he's still with her is because he can borrow the benefits she's getting from me. So that's another prob adding up :P

    • Well if he dumps her that's her problem, not yours. Why you supporting three people anyway? It makes no sense... Trust me though, she can get help with everything else. There are ways and trust me, she knows about it. You're just easier.

  • First of all, you are letting this girl walk all over you and that needs to stop. Its hard, since she's in a delicate position, but how is she ever going to get her life together if she doesn't have to because you give her everything she wants.

    Second, you are not going to be able to make a new relationship work with your ex and her boyfriend living with you.

    But getting to your actual question, you can start a new relationship and there is a chance you will get dumped again. That is part of relationships, and getting dumped isn't a bad thing if a family is what your looking for, because that eliminates the people who weren't right for you. You just have to learn from the mistakes you make in previous relationships and it will help you deal with problems in new relationships.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Well, mainly my question is, I need a girlfriend and is it okay for me to get one soon when I'm still not healed from my last breakup. My ex, is not really the issue.

  • i got about half way through and I couldn't read anymore... YOU NEED TO GET RID OF HER AND HER BOYFRIEND. what the F**k are you thinking. she has no love, no respect and no care for you, you have no chance of winning her back becus you are a million times better of a person than she is. the only way she will learn is if you give her tough love, exclude her from your life, free rent, no talking, no contact at allll at least for a few months, please for the sake of yourself, you can do wayyy better and find someone who will really love you

    0|1
    0|0
    • It's not that easy just getting rid of her. I met her in the University. I was her teacher in Arts, also in Japanese Culture. during then, rumors said that she had a crush on me. And one day, she asked me to tutor her during her break. So, I went to her dorm, every week. Soon, we went out to small hangouts and going to coffee shops. Then, she confessed and asked me to date her. It took a while but I said yes. I never had any sex with her, and sure we do make out at times. But I avoid any other..

    • Show All
    • ...but, if I do, her boyfriend would probably ruin her. If I stick with her, she'll have a better chance fora successful life. But I can't just have sex with her then, she's only 18 during then. I wanted her to wait ti'll she graduated, or got a good job. But, I'm still a guy, of course, I have desires for it too, but that would be selfish if I do. Then after that she said she will break up with me because she already found someone, and she got pregnant so there's no use hiding it.

    • PS I'm not a pedophile for dating a student. She's only four years younger. I simply graduated earlier. And took a job as a substitute physics teacher for half a year. But I was a teacher in arts also. Anywayz, I don't date children, it depends you know :P

  • first of all get over her and the only way you can do that is to get her and her man out the house there is no reason what so ever to keep her there get it through your head she doesn't love you or cares for you someone that cares for you does not treat you this way get another girl even if you don't like her you'll eventually get over your ex TRUST ME!

    1|0
    0|0
  • Your ex IS the issue. I wouldn't date a guy with no backbone. Kick out the bitch that hurt you and tell her no good boyfriend/baby daddy to gtfo. that's so ridiculous. I can't believe I just read this. Your TOO nice. It's a great gesture, but that is all it should be. They don't even help you and you are the one that is hurting. Think about it. Would you want to date a girl that supports his ex girlfriend and her boyfriend and they don't pay for anything?

    MAN UP.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Well start dating first before going into anything serious and get over her it won't heelp having her in your frikin house

    1|0
    0|0
  • You have to approach women & don't shy your fear.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, she left one time ,then she will leave second time...

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 12

  • If I'm understanding correctly... the pregnancy isn't you, but the other guy? I think its time to cut them lose. I don't mean be rude and say, ef you guys, but they are not your responsibility. Especially if she used you, sounds like she's still using you. Tell them that you have a life ahead of you and you can't be responsible for them as well; they need to grow up and he can pay for his kid (remind her of child support and alimony if he dumps her, woot woot). I'm hesitant to wonder if you pay for the food where you live too; and they probably don't pay for anything. Give them a date that it will be time for them to leave.

    DO NOT LET THEM GUILT TRIP YOU. Serious, that crap cannot fly. They are both fully responsible for their own decisions. He chose to pay her, she chose to accept. Not your problem (not to be rude, but it really isn't). Take care of your dad, and more importantly, take care of yourself. You need to sort this out before you consider a new girlfriend, take time and just try to keep things relaxed. Don't let the pressure of you seemingly being the best one to get married and have a child trip you into rushing into things. You wanna have a kid and all that and make your parents happy, but you don't want to be miserable for the rest of your life either. Calm down, relax. Do something you like, then when you're not in a bad state of mind, think and analyze the situation; don't do things irrational or while you're sad or what not.

    0|0
    0|0
  • but your ex is part of the problem, whether or not you healed yet or not. I say its a new year, kick her ass out because her boyfriend should be making enough for there living expenses. because it would only hurt you and your chances of getting a new girlfriend. what girl would want a boyfriend that is living with his ex girlfriend and and her bf.

    1 I would start with kicking them out so it would turn into a bachelor pad.

    2 invest some money in yourself so that you would be looking better even if your good looking enough or more than enough.

    3. get some alcohol into your system and brave up.

    4 then go hang out with some friends and find some nice girl because there might be plently of good looking girls. I believe your in japan since your ex sounds like a gold digger.

    but I'm assuming you live in japan,

    or you could just do what your ex girlfriend boyfriend did. find a hot/ beautiful girl and just pay her for her service and knock her up. business done. but seriously kick her out, that is the first step to your healing

    0|0
    0|0
  • ur an idiot.. all I have to say... Ur a disgrace to the male race...

    I cannot believe you would let an ex, come live with you, with the lump she left you for... GOOD JOB STUPID!

    0|0
    0|1
    • So what should I do?! Leave her on the streets to die and suffer. If I know I can help someone, I should let go of my pride and anger, and help. It may make me a disgrace but not to God.

    • Show All
    • Well, mainly my question is, I need a girlfriend and is it okay for me to get one soon when I'm still not healed from my last breakup. My ex, is not really the issue.

    • The right ones come along when your not looking.. Get over the last 1. Aka go out, meet new people, make new friends, make new connections. That's they only way you'll get a new girlfriend. Learn to live with yourself before your try being with some1 else.

  • ay yi yi...

    You need to get this girl and her boyfriend out of this place.

    I don't know what else to say at the moment beyond that.

    You are not going to get any girlfriend while your pregnant ex and her boyfriend are living at your place.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Actually, I got them a new apartment. But it's still for free. I'm helping her boyfriend get a job. but he's wasting every chance he gets. So, I'm still in a tight situation

    • Show All
    • I know it sounds like I'm wasting my time, and others say it is, but I just wanna help as much as I can ensuring they can walk on their own feet with out my further support.

    • Well, mainly my question is, I need a girlfriend and is it okay for me to get one soon when I'm still not healed from my last breakup. My ex, is not really the issue.

  • i agree what are yu doing letting her AND the guy stay with yu? they probably do it in your bed bro. get rid of both of them, find yurself someone whos gonna love yu just as much and respect yu. an don't give yur all too soon, make her work for yu

    0|1
    0|0
    • Yeah, I know they do, their room is actually, just across the hallway to mine.

    • yur an awsome person to help them but seriously, they don't respect yu not evn half as much as yu do for them if I were yu id get even then kick them out

    • Well, mainly my question is, I need a girlfriend and is it okay for me to get one soon when I'm still not healed from my last breakup. My ex, is not really the issue.

  • Kick her ass out. Get her out of your house and get her out of your system (as toosexualcat and others have said) and then find someone. You can't force yourself to find love and have children for your dad. You'll be rushing things and likely have a bad marriage and then your kids will suffer because of it. Do you want to do that?

    If you're not healed from the last break up, don't bother. I mean, if you can find a girl who's really willing to help you out and wants to help heal your heart. By all means, be with her. She sounds like a great girl to be with and probably ideal. Too bad such a girl is only fantasy. Girls these days don't want to bother with "damaged goods" because it's too much work

    0|0
    0|0
  • first, get rid of the bitch. tell her to kick rocks.

    second, don't worry about getting a girlfriend so soon. just make some friends who are girls first. take your time. grandkids for your dad shouldn't be on your mind so soon. you're still young

    0|0
    0|0
  • kick your ex out of your house... she's using you, that's bad... mkeuhj?

    also: if you don't think you are ready, don't date yet... even if your parents tell you to...

    0|0
    0|0
  • yu won't get over her while she's living with yu trust me I'm not over my ex and won't be so long as we stay friends

    0|0
    0|0
  • kick that bitch the hell out dude, or make her pay some rent

    nice guys finish last regardless of her situation she put herself there,

    and ull find a nice girl be patient, when ya look it doesn't happen

    just do what ya do

    0|0
    0|0
  • Fuckin' jap, everyone has tough time not just you! So pick yourself up and get on with your life! Forget the messed up girl, there are plenty of the reasonably sane ones! Life is too short to dwell on the nut jobs. Unless,of course, you are one yourself!

    0|0
    0|0
  • A couple things:

    1. What are you doing? Get her and her boyfriend out; they're not you're responsibility. The fact that she got knocked up while essentially a prostitute (as you've described it) is none of your concern. Given that you already believe she was using you, I can't understand why you're now enabling this behavior further. I can only provide my two cents based on what you've written, but it seems pretty clear what you need to do. If you're having trouble seeing the clear solution, perhaps you need to take a step back, analyze the situation as if you're watching characters in a movie, and then ask yourself what you'd be saying to the screen as you shake your head in bewilderment.

    2. I get the feeling that because you feel responsible for producing a grandchild in the very near future, you're holding on to the hope that maybe you're ex will eventually come back to you and provide a way to do so.

    3. Whether or not the above (#2) is the case, I think you should speak to your dad about your concerns regarding the grandchildren situation. I can understand your dad's fears, however given his age and the ages of yourself and your siblings I can gather he had children at an age (60 at the birth of his youngest) where he perhaps expected, or at least should have accepted the possibility, that grandchildren may not be something he'd have the privilege of seeing (and I'm sorry to say so). But still, personally, I'd talk to him. He's your dad, he'll listen to you and maybe even alleviate some of the pressures you're feeling to produce grand kids.

    It's a long post, but you're issue was a bit more complicated than simply dealing with your ex (which IS the simple fix in this whole situation).

    0|0
    0|0
    • Well, mainly my question is, I need a girlfriend and is it okay for me to get one soon when I'm still not healed from my last breakup. My ex, is not really the issue.

Loading...