Boyfriend ended relationship 3 weeks after abortion?

At 32 I was recently in what I felt was the best relationship I've ever had. He seemed to meet all my emotional needs. His family knew about me and I had started to meet his closest friends. Unfortunately I became pregnant the first time we were intimate (5 weeks into dating) and the same day we agreed to be a couple. When I told him he said that it didn't change how he felt about me. We decided it wasn't the right time and agreed for abortion. Very difficult decision as a woman. He was by my side throughout and looked after me in the days afterwards. I fell head over heels. However 2 weeks after, he became increasingly quiet and distanced. He said he was busy with work so I didn't push it. He took me out for my birthday and met my closest friends at the weekend. But come Monday he was quiet again. I tried to reach out but he made no plans to see me. Friday I received the breakup text. We spoke on phone and he said he hoped we would have become closer because of the abortion but he felt I was a "closed book" and he didn't know how I felt about him. I poured my heart out, telling him how I felt about him, I want a future together. He just said he would process it all. Just over a day later I couldnt bear to be kept hanging so I messaged that I didn't deserve someone who felt the need to take days to weeks to decide if I was worth committing to. I told him I preferred no further contact. It was 5 days ago and im left grieving very hard for the loss of my baby and now him. I can't understand why men behave so cold and just seem to leave like nothing mattered. I felt I was falling in love. Especially given what we experienced.
Updates:
Nothing was off before the abortion or for 2 weeks after this. We were very strong and close until 2 weeks after when he started fading.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • From what I'm reading I don't think the abortion played a massive part in his decision he was most likely thinking it already and stayed longer because of the abortion to help u get back on your legs

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    • I have to say that there was nothing off prior to this. Things were perfect and strong even the week after the abortion. It was 2 weeks later that I noticed a slow fade.

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    • I appreciate your thoughts but he continued making future plans for us and I met his closest friends after the abortion. I know his feelings changed but I don't feel it was before the termination. I had the woman's intuition when he started to change 2 weeks later. I'm just grieving the loss of both of them sadly.

    • See that's it it was made worst by him still leading u on so hard to then do a 180 but trust me these feelings where with him before

Most Helpful Girl

  • I hate cold-hearted and insensitive men, this makes me not want to be in a relationship. Sensitivity is a very important quality.

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    • From your point of view what should that guy off done

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    • @boggboss please avoid being in a relationship, I am scared you will make a innocent girl fall in love with you and then you will just "fall out of love" one day to break her heart. You think people should test, but you do realise you are dealing with human beings, it is not just about you. Treat women the way you want your mother, sister and daughter to be treated. Don't play with someone's life and feelings. Imagine if you love a girl with all your heart, and she just falls out of love and falls in love with another guy, I am sure you will not be happy. Those who play with other people's lives, those who treat relationships like a joke, like test & trial thing or timepass have no human emotions.

    • No I won't be happy but I would prefer she left me then stayed with me but didn't love because she felt bad I would be unhappy that is immature behaviour and most that are mature would prefer that u are truly crazy if u think you must stay with someone even if u no longer have feelings for them

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What Guys Said 3

  • A pregnancy/abortion is a massive strain on a relationship so if something was off before that that probably broke it just from the pressure.

    I've only been through it once but ours was a miscarriage so it was quite different I would think.

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  • Yeah when a woman dumps her own baby she shows the man that she doesn't value herself. Makes sense that he left you.

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  • "He seemed to meet all my emotional needs."
    It's always just about you, isn't it? And why it failed. I'm sorry.

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    • Of course not! It was more a statement comparing to my previous relatuonships. I put my everything into my relationships as it's so important to me. I told him how I felt. Please don't judge me on that statement

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    • Men are equally as deserving. Nobody deserves to be treated unfairly or with disrespect. I know I personally would always be very honest and upfront with any man, because as a person, they do deserve that. I am sad to hear you feel that way about women and I hope you can experience that not every woman feels she is deserving of "special" treatment. I don't think anyone should be purposely ignored or wait in vain when it comes to matters of the heart. I'm sorry you feel I behaved that way.

    • There ya go again with all the entitlement mentality. It's a losing proposition, and now you see what it produces.
      And it's not sad I feel that way honey, it's not a feeling. It's reality. You're so far out in lala-land you can't even see it. Everything is all puppy dogs, rainbows, and pink unicorns for you. A disney fairy tale. That's just not what life is. Oh well.

      Here's another truth...
      Guys get with women hoping they'll never change.
      Girls get with guys think if they work on him hard enough she can get him to change into something she can actually stand to be with.
      It's just reality. And a giant fail.

      Your actions and choices have consequences - a truth you would do well to accept and embrace. this isn't about ME, it's about you and your failed relationship. Let's keep the shoe on the right foot here.

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