Did I really cheat? 🧐?

Long story—
He was great in the beginning. We understood each other. He was sweet and kind. But of course he had some issues. We both were struggling with clinical depression. There was a time when I was doing better than he was. He was on the brink of suicide. I basically saved him from that. If it had not been for me, he would have died. No question about it. After that, he began to seek professional help but could not afford it. However, he did seem to be doing better. I was with him every step of the way. Constantly supporting him, catering to his every need. My life then began to crumble apart due to a series of unfortunate events. And... I fell HARD. I did try for therapy and pills but... at the time my money wasn’t where it needed to be for me to continue. I pretty much just gave up on life. I was convinced that I couldn’t save myself. And when I looked to my boyfriend for emotional comfort he became distant. He ignored me and belittled me. He even moved to a different state without telling me. After he moved he told me that he was slipping again and so he was seeking the help of his family that was in that state. I had zero friends. So I became lonely. I did eventually meet a friend and he was ONLY a friend and he helped me out a lot. My boyfriend was lying to me and manipulate me for reasons I don't know why. But I did express to him that I needed him and that he was being an ass. He told me straight up “I don’t care”. Why did I not leave him? Because I was fighting for my relationship that I spent years investing in. True love never gives up. I’m no fucking quitter. So I was constantly trying to pick myself back up but I wasn’t strong enough so I did try to end my life... sort of. I was self harming and I wouldn’t stop. I probably would have died that day but then my FRIEND caught me and stopped me. He comforted me and cleaned me up. After that, he kissed me (wasn’t long but I didn’t stop him) and slept on the couch. I broke up with the boyfriend the next day.
Thoughts?Did I really cheat? 🧐?
Updates:
This happened a couple of years ago by the way. I’m completely over the situation. And im managing my depression pretty well now.
I mentioned my cheating in other people’s questions and everyone jumped down my throat telling me there’s no excuse. Once a cheater always a cheater.
However, I genuinely feel that I am not a cheater. My circumstances at the time were a bit grey and it’s not like I actively pursued some kind of outside lust.

0|2
1329

Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm sorry that you've had a rough time and have been struggling with depression. Some of my family members do too and I know how hard it can truly be. To answer your question, and this is only my opinion, whether you cheated or not depends on your future intentions.

    If you plan on trying to keep being with him and maintaining your relationship then yes you did. However, I wouldn't fault you at all. You should be honest with him, let him know what happened and why.

    If you have no intention of being with him any more, then no you didn't cheat. When he left without saying anything that might as well of been the same thing as breaking up.

    2|0
    1|0
  • I think I can see where you're coming from. It would have been an entirely different thing if you had slept with him that night but only a kiss is definitely forgivable. Especially considering the context. Of course we can only hear one side of the story here and maybe your ex-boyfriend would have a very different take on things. So because of this, I don't want to say too much about the things you've told us that led to this.
    However, I do have a lot of respect for you for not being a quitter. I'm the same. I always fight for my relationships (not just romantic ones but those in particular). I believe too few people these days are doing that. Relationships have become a kind of consumer commodity, where people use them as long as they're fresh and cool and the minute any cracks become visible, they walk to the closest trash can and dispose of them.

    0|1
    0|0

Most Helpful Girls

  • You kissed another man while with someone else. That constitutes as cheating in my book.

    There is no excuse to be so toxic to someone though--as in manipulative and demeaning--so I am glad that you did. It helped you.

    Situations like this is where I don't see a problem with cheating.

    0|0
    0|0
  • >Broke up with my boyfriend the next day
    Even if you kissed him and had sex purposely, you've already negated it being cheating by doing that.

    0|2
    0|0
    • I didn’t sleep with the guy and he kissed me, not the other way around

    • I know @Ellie-V
      I began the sentence with "even if you", I suppose I could have said "even if you had", but the point remains the same.

Recommended Questions

Loading...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 27

  • People who tell you that you are a cheater are dumb fucks to be honest. And those people dont know a shit about life, they live in their fancy world without experience crapping around of boredom.
    Big story you have, that for sure. From my experience to me it looked like your ex. was a psychopat that went a great line in acting to get you and when he got what he wanted he trashed you. He sucked whole energy out of you and left. There is a term for such people, they are called social vampires. Google it, a lot of things will get clear. Those are psychopats thar are willing to go an extra mile to feed on your energy, and their victims usually when they end up with tjem. are left without reason to live.
    But in order to get the man that is ment for you it is obviusly that you needed to go through hell. I happy for you that all ended up well at the end.
    You didn't cheat, relationship with your ex. ended when he left, you just didn't want to accept that because as many other people you believe that relationship ends when someone says it is over. But thats not true. Relationship end more before "goodbye" moment. People just refuse to accept it or see it if it is not said aloud. ;)

    Live long and prosper.

    0|1
    0|0
  • If he initiated it and it was uninvited and unexpected on your part, I don't see why the blame would be on you. It was *his* intention to kiss you, not the other way around, so saying that you cheated would be like saying that randomly getting punched in the face is the same as you committing assault to the guy who punched you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • When you tell your life partner that you NEED them, because your life is on the line after you chose to be there for them when theirs was on the line, and they CHOOSE to abandon you, that is not a workable situation in my opinion. If that isn't purposefully abusive, that's the closest thing to it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Kissing can lead to actual cheating. But it wasn't a sexual act like penetration or foreplay or what not. I would still not recommend kissing someone while in a relationship, but I personally wouldn't say that was cheating because people decide they like someone else all the time.

    You are moving on, so I commend you for that and say do what is best for you. I hope you find the balance in a relationship you are looking for 😊

    0|0
    0|0
  • I had my own tumble down depression and self destruction. I had no one n nothing that helped me.. no one to help. save me nor did I die...

    You did what you had to in order to feel something inside other than pain. I agree with you although technically yes it was a cheating move.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think it's time to move on. I'd tell him you have moved on and be done with it. You will be there and support him as a friend but you moved on. Just make sure this guy will stick around this time :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • Technically, yes... but it seems lile your boyfriend had left you and while I never condone cheating, what he was doing was much worse than simply kissing someone.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Hmmm... I'm gonna say no because it sounds like you had no lover to cheat on. He was already gone, emotionally, so there was no relationship left to break. Only the remnants and ruins of what once was.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If only a kiss, its kinda cheating but not that bad

    0|0
    0|0
  • Chill! That's not cheating. If that's cheating then i confess thinking of hundreds of other girls when i was still in relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • From what you describe here no I would say that you did not cheat on your boyfriend

    0|1
    0|0
  • Eh, not really, no. That was fair game at that point.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Technically yes, because you didn't break it off first. But he abandoned you, so he pretty much broke it off with you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Bad , boyfriend
    That is it , he didn't deserve you or keep you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • you’re moving on. atta girl. If I could I’d give you a pat on the back, and maybe on the butt if you think you would enjoy that

    0|0
    1|0
  • Technically you cheated, but this is a very rare case I wouldn’t consider cheating. He moved to a new state without telling you. In my mind it was over at that point no matter how long the relationship dragged on for after that. Clearly he was out, so... it’s like can you cheat on someone who effectively already ended the relationship via actions even though there was no official ending of it? Only technically in this case as I see it.

    If you were my girl and bailed to another state without me knowing, I would have cut you off right there. Wouldn’t have even said another word to you after that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well i guess i would say no. doesn't feel like it to me. You were already done

    0|0
    0|0
  • You did, but it's pretty soft as far as cheating goes

    0|0
    0|0
  • Tldr
    If you have to ask, you did.

    0|0
    1|0
    • I don’t have to ask. I’ve already made up my mind. But some of my friends think I cheated and others don’t. So I’m asking for your opinion

    • Show All
    • It’s not really about what I think

  • Technically yes... you did cheat.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your boyfriend left you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No real cheating in my opinion

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nope. That seems completely understandable.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think so

    0|0
    0|0
  • based on the facts provided... you did not cheat

    0|0
    0|0
  • l just dont know

    0|0
    0|0
  • Can't cheat if your relationship is already over

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 11

  • Technically you did because even though he kissed you, we are having this conversation. If you did not have any doubt that you didn't cheat, then you wouldn't have posted. However, because of the circumstances you were in, I am certain that at least 75% of the population would do the same thing. You were not only depressed, but the closest person to you, who you thought was going through the same thing, was ghosting you. Don't beat yourself up about it. At the bottom of the text, you said that it has been a few years, so its pointless to give you advise on what you should do about the guy, since you probably don't talk to him anymore, but I think that when you broke up, you should have told him what happened with the other guy, and why he was such a jerk. In the long run (if not immediately) he will regret what he did. That doesn't mean that he will come back to you, but he will be shameful of the relationship you had. Move on, and remember that it was a rough time in your life. Use that knowledge moving forward, and use it to your advantage. Learn from the mistakes, and use them to get ahead in life. Not everyone knows what it is like to have a break up like that or even depression. (not offensive or trying to say that this was a good thing) But, just know that you got a head start in the race that everyone in the world is participating in! I hope that this cheered you up, and just know that I'm cheering for you in the long run! (even if I don't know you)

    1|0
    0|0
    • 1d

      I really didn’t believe I cheated at first until I told some of my friends and half of them was looking at me like I was hoeing around.
      And then, a few weeks before I had posted this, that same guy showed up toy job to “confront” me because apparently I didn’t give him closure. So I was still very annoyed.
      (I don’t care if he regrets mistreating me or not btw)

      My biggest lesson in all that was don’t let people waste your time or energy if they prove they aren’t worth it.

  • No. in my opinion when he moved away without saying anything you guys were no longer together.

    1|2
    0|0
  • Mhh from my point of view u did not cheat the day he left withouth a word that relationship was dead.
    You choose to continue fighting for it but he kept pushing u away.
    Feels like he was already gone but u were still holding on so no, technically it is what it is but at the same time it wasn't.

    0|1
    0|0
  • You're Not a cheater because things were technically over in my view the day your then (ex) boyfriend had said "I don't care", it was your kindness that you were still trying but the relationship was already over from his side anyway so this cannot be classified as "Cheating", Stop mentioning it like "I cheated" from today onwards coz it gives a wrong impression & it puts forward possibilities far from what actually happened,

    0|1
    0|0
  • Well i get it, you're not a quitter but if your boyfriend becomes distant, MOVES without telling you and tells tou he doesn't care about you needing him... well im just gonna say that you definitely shouldve left him. You probably have realized that too by now.
    I dont think what you did was wrong. Your relationship basically was just a crippled piece of paper with holes and coffee stains in the end. You needed comfort in a tough time, he didn't give it to You because he didn't "care" (asshole) and then someone shows up and gives you the support and affection you desperetaly needed at that time and you kissed him. Big deal. Your boyfriend sucked, and that other guy was there for you. I think its justified

    1|0
    0|0
  • Technically yes it is but tbh you were in a toxic relationship, and it wasn't intended. It was only a kiss and it's great that you broke it off fast.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Let us ex be past and enjoy ur present fullest or someone can be killed.

    0|0
    0|0
  • it doesn't really sound like it tbh

    1|1
    0|0
  • That's not cheat in my nook

    0|1
    0|0
  • You only cheat with touch

    0|1
    0|0
  • YOU DID NOT CHEAT.

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...