Did I really cheat? 🧐?

Long story—
He was great in the beginning. We understood each other. He was sweet and kind. But of course he had some issues. We both were struggling with clinical depression. There was a time when I was doing better than he was. He was on the brink of suicide. I basically saved him from that. If it had not been for me, he would have died. No question about it. After that, he began to seek professional help but could not afford it. However, he did seem to be doing better. I was with him every step of the way. Constantly supporting him, catering to his every need. My life then began to crumble apart due to a series of unfortunate events. And... I fell HARD. I did try for therapy and pills but... at the time my money wasn’t where it needed to be for me to continue. I pretty much just gave up on life. I was convinced that I couldn’t save myself. And when I looked to my boyfriend for emotional comfort he became distant. He ignored me and belittled me. He even moved to a different state without telling me. After he moved he told me that he was slipping again and so he was seeking the help of his family that was in that state. I had zero friends. So I became lonely. I did eventually meet a friend and he was ONLY a friend and he helped me out a lot. My boyfriend was lying to me and manipulate me for reasons I don't know why. But I did express to him that I needed him and that he was being an ass. He told me straight up “I don’t care”. Why did I not leave him? Because I was fighting for my relationship that I spent years investing in. True love never gives up. I’m no fucking quitter. So I was constantly trying to pick myself back up but I wasn’t strong enough so I did try to end my life... sort of. I was self harming and I wouldn’t stop. I probably would have died that day but then my FRIEND caught me and stopped me. He comforted me and cleaned me up. After that, he kissed me (wasn’t long but I didn’t stop him) and slept on the couch. I broke up with the boyfriend the next day.
Thoughts?Did I really cheat? 🧐?
Updates:
This happened a couple of years ago by the way. I’m completely over the situation. And im managing my depression pretty well now.
I mentioned my cheating in other people’s questions and everyone jumped down my throat telling me there’s no excuse. Once a cheater always a cheater.
However, I genuinely feel that I am not a cheater. My circumstances at the time were a bit grey and it’s not like I actively pursued some kind of outside lust.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think I can see where you're coming from. It would have been an entirely different thing if you had slept with him that night but only a kiss is definitely forgivable. Especially considering the context. Of course we can only hear one side of the story here and maybe your ex-boyfriend would have a very different take on things. So because of this, I don't want to say too much about the things you've told us that led to this.
    However, I do have a lot of respect for you for not being a quitter. I'm the same. I always fight for my relationships (not just romantic ones but those in particular). I believe too few people these days are doing that. Relationships have become a kind of consumer commodity, where people use them as long as they're fresh and cool and the minute any cracks become visible, they walk to the closest trash can and dispose of them.

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  • I'm sorry that you've had a rough time and have been struggling with depression. Some of my family members do too and I know how hard it can truly be. To answer your question, and this is only my opinion, whether you cheated or not depends on your future intentions.

    If you plan on trying to keep being with him and maintaining your relationship then yes you did. However, I wouldn't fault you at all. You should be honest with him, let him know what happened and why.

    If you have no intention of being with him any more, then no you didn't cheat. When he left without saying anything that might as well of been the same thing as breaking up.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • >Broke up with my boyfriend the next day
    Even if you kissed him and had sex purposely, you've already negated it being cheating by doing that.

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    • I didn’t sleep with the guy and he kissed me, not the other way around

    • I know @Ellie-V
      I began the sentence with "even if you", I suppose I could have said "even if you had", but the point remains the same.

  • You kissed another man while with someone else. That constitutes as cheating in my book.

    There is no excuse to be so toxic to someone though--as in manipulative and demeaning--so I am glad that you did. It helped you.

    Situations like this is where I don't see a problem with cheating.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 21

  • People who tell you that you are a cheater are dumb fucks to be honest. And those people dont know a shit about life, they live in their fancy world without experience crapping around of boredom.
    Big story you have, that for sure. From my experience to me it looked like your ex. was a psychopat that went a great line in acting to get you and when he got what he wanted he trashed you. He sucked whole energy out of you and left. There is a term for such people, they are called social vampires. Google it, a lot of things will get clear. Those are psychopats thar are willing to go an extra mile to feed on your energy, and their victims usually when they end up with tjem. are left without reason to live.
    But in order to get the man that is ment for you it is obviusly that you needed to go through hell. I happy for you that all ended up well at the end.
    You didn't cheat, relationship with your ex. ended when he left, you just didn't want to accept that because as many other people you believe that relationship ends when someone says it is over. But thats not true. Relationship end more before "goodbye" moment. People just refuse to accept it or see it if it is not said aloud. ;)

    Live long and prosper.

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  • Kissing can lead to actual cheating. But it wasn't a sexual act like penetration or foreplay or what not. I would still not recommend kissing someone while in a relationship, but I personally wouldn't say that was cheating because people decide they like someone else all the time.

    You are moving on, so I commend you for that and say do what is best for you. I hope you find the balance in a relationship you are looking for 😊

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  • I think it's time to move on. I'd tell him you have moved on and be done with it. You will be there and support him as a friend but you moved on. Just make sure this guy will stick around this time :)

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  • Technically, yes... but it seems lile your boyfriend had left you and while I never condone cheating, what he was doing was much worse than simply kissing someone.

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  • Hmmm... I'm gonna say no because it sounds like you had no lover to cheat on. He was already gone, emotionally, so there was no relationship left to break. Only the remnants and ruins of what once was.

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  • If only a kiss, its kinda cheating but not that bad

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  • Eh, not really, no. That was fair game at that point.

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  • From what you describe here no I would say that you did not cheat on your boyfriend

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  • Bad , boyfriend
    That is it , he didn't deserve you or keep you.

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  • you’re moving on. atta girl. If I could I’d give you a pat on the back, and maybe on the butt if you think you would enjoy that

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  • Technically you cheated, but this is a very rare case I wouldn’t consider cheating. He moved to a new state without telling you. In my mind it was over at that point no matter how long the relationship dragged on for after that. Clearly he was out, so... it’s like can you cheat on someone who effectively already ended the relationship via actions even though there was no official ending of it? Only technically in this case as I see it.

    If you were my girl and bailed to another state without me knowing, I would have cut you off right there. Wouldn’t have even said another word to you after that.

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  • Well i guess i would say no. doesn't feel like it to me. You were already done

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  • You did, but it's pretty soft as far as cheating goes

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  • Tldr
    If you have to ask, you did.

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    • I don’t have to ask. I’ve already made up my mind. But some of my friends think I cheated and others don’t. So I’m asking for your opinion

    • Show All
    • It’s not really about what I think

  • Your boyfriend left you.

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  • No real cheating in my opinion

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  • I don't think so

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  • based on the facts provided... you did not cheat

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  • l just dont know

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  • Nope. That seems completely understandable.

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What Girls Said 8

  • No. in my opinion when he moved away without saying anything you guys were no longer together.

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  • Mhh from my point of view u did not cheat the day he left withouth a word that relationship was dead.
    You choose to continue fighting for it but he kept pushing u away.
    Feels like he was already gone but u were still holding on so no, technically it is what it is but at the same time it wasn't.

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  • You're Not a cheater because things were technically over in my view the day your then (ex) boyfriend had said "I don't care", it was your kindness that you were still trying but the relationship was already over from his side anyway so this cannot be classified as "Cheating", Stop mentioning it like "I cheated" from today onwards coz it gives a wrong impression & it puts forward possibilities far from what actually happened,

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  • Technically yes it is but tbh you were in a toxic relationship, and it wasn't intended. It was only a kiss and it's great that you broke it off fast.

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  • Let us ex be past and enjoy ur present fullest or someone can be killed.

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  • it doesn't really sound like it tbh

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  • That's not cheat in my nook

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  • You only cheat with touch

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