Should I end our relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 9 months now. From the beginning everything went smoothly. Before him, I was in a very long and serious relationship and end up getting betrayed. He knows all about my past and is very understanding and supportive of how distant I am. Regardless of how I treat him, he is still very warm and accepting. The problem is, I'm not in love with him.

I do find him physically attractive and there's nothing wrong with our sex lives. In short he's a great great boyfriend with normal flaws, such as cracking stupid jokes about women driving. My friends and family all think he's such a great catch. He's never picked a fight or made me cry but for some reason I find him annoying. Everyone LOVES him and I don't understand why.

He makes me laugh and knows all my favorite things. He reliable and helps me with my school work. He pushes me to go to class and indulge in my hobbies. Yet, I can't stand him more than once every two weeks. Something about his personality draws everyone else in but repeals me. Sometimes I can understand what makes him funny and easy to like but most of the time I wish he would just leave me alone!

I guess I'm just not happy with him but I'm afraid that I could grow to love him and he would be the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm afraid that I'm just not mature enough to see that he's exactly what I need but not want. So, should I break up with him or learn to live with him?


Most Helpful Guy

  • > I'm not in love with him.

    > I do find him physically attractive and there's nothing wrong with our sex lives.

    From your perspective he sounds like friend material or FWB material if you both want to continue the sex now and then.

    You have to tell him how you feel though, and give him the option of ending it if he is just going to get hurt.

    > I can't stand him more than once every two weeks

    > most of the time I wish he would just leave me alone!

    What is behind this?

    You say "Everyone LOVES him and I don't understand why." as though this is a bad thing.

    Is it personal jealousy that other people like and respect him, and you'd like more of these feelings to be towards you? You would probably like things even less if everyone else that mattered to you thought he was a deadbeat, boring or actively disliked him.

    Is it because he is too mature in his outlook (eg encouraging your learning etc) for your age and stage of life? As you say there is a risk of waking up one day somewhat more mature and thinking "damn, shouldn't have let him go".

    On balance he sounds like he'd make a great catch for someone else, and you should let him get on with finding her.

    You may need to find someone you feel to be less attractive and inferior to you to be compatible with your ego. Guys are generally happy to trade up so assuming you have the goods there should be no shortage of willing takers.

    • I haven't been on this site for years now so I am sorry for the late reply. I end up ending things with him and he is now with another lucky girl.

      The reason why I said I couldn't stand him and I didn't understand why everyone liked him so much could have been like you said because of jealousy. But the main reason was that my friends all liked him so when I'd ask them for advice about ending things they would saying something along the lines of: "But why? He so great." And we all know why some people ask for advice, to hear someone else agree with our own decisions. I was to weak and immature to make my own decisions so when no one would agree that I should end things I found it frustrating.

      Currently, I am not in a relationship but am quite glad I ended a relationship that just wasn't right. Sure, some people will say I'm missing out on a great guy but I honestly don't think so because even the most perfect person in the world still might not be the right person for you.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Is this really a question? Should you continue a relationship with a guy who "can't stand" to be around too often? That you "don't love"? That "annoys you"? Really? It would be cruel to keep going out with him. Be respectful but tell him it's over. Don't hang on and use him until you find someone else. Be a big girl and end it before it hurts him, and you, more.

  • If you are physically attracted to him, and he is nice to you, then what is the problem? Is he over-protective? Controlling? Boring? Have you tried telling him how you feel? Relationships never last without proper communication. Obviously you should pick your words carefully. For example, if the problem is that he is boring... tell him you want to bring more excitement into the relationship.

    You'd be surprised how far out of their comfort zone a guy will go for a girl. You should tell him what's going on and give him a chance to redeem himself. But first you need to pinpoint exactly what the problem is.

  • i have no experience in this issue but the only advice I can offer you is a nice cosy bed in my bedroom for a shoulder to cry on .U interested?

    • Haha, I'm flattered but as you can see I'm still in a relationship. Besides, you wouldn't want me in your bed. ;)

    • Show All
    • Problems between us, but like your boyfriend, my girlfriend is very understanding of it. In my opinion, for both of us, it's probably our defence mechanisms acting in full force. This guy sounds really great, and the more you fall for him, the harder it will hurt if you get betrayed again. You subconscious knows this, so it's doing what it can to push him away. I say talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel (choose your words carefully though) and try and work through it. True, he may not be

    • the guy for you, but like you said, he may be the best thing to ever happen to you. Don't let the last guy who hurt you have the power to destroy another relationship of yours. Talk to him, work through it if you believe he's worth it, do what you gotta do. But you don't wanna make the mistake of leaving for the wrong reasons. Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

  • Well you're a female so that means you should have a pretty strong intuition, go off of that. I also believe that it's harder for a girl to find a good guy than it is for a guy to find a good girl so I wouldn't ditch him right away. At the same time I would suggest keeping your eyes open and welcoming a guy who fits your standards better into your life. If you do indeed find a guy that suits you better than I would suggest you let your current boyfriend know rather than cheat on him. Good luck and trust your intuition. =)

    • Thank you so much for you opinion. I will surly pay more attention to my intuition. =)

    • She shouldn't keep going out with him just because it's tough to find a good guy. That's cruel and not good for either of them.

      I don't think it's hard to find a good guy, either. Just not where 20-year-old girls like to hang out.

What Girls Said 4

  • Seems to me like you feel bad for leading him on. If you can't see yourself with him for a long time then let him go. Those who "love" him, aren't in the relationship with him. So you are definitely being unfair to his feelings as well by leading him on, I'll confirm that for ya.

    Your best bet is time apart. And don't give him any leads that there's any chance down the road if there's really not. Just tell him, "let's just be friends." Even tho this line is said a million times before, it's truth and you aren't leading him anywhere you don't want to go with that.

  • definetely if you don't love him you shouldn't be with him

  • if you're not there 100%, then it's time to move on

  • If your not happy in your relationship, it's probably best that you get out of it. You don't wanna be in a relationship that your not happy in do you? Even if everyone else sees him as this awesome guy, it's about what you want. And yeah, maybe you could grow to love him, but what if you don't? Don't stay in the relationship if your not happy with it

    • Yeah, I was thinking it would be best no to draw it out to long and possibly hurt him and me more. I'm just making sure that I'm not being too rash.

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