Are you with or have you gone back to someone whose cheated on you? Do you get over it?

Yes, Christmas morning and the only gift my SO wanted was for me to never think back to the cheating with his ex girlfriends from the beg of our relationship. I did not find out about the 2 girls until just over a year after engagement. I did not find out from him but by another person otherwise I amy have never known. By then I loved him, had started a future with him, loved by friends and family,we were spiritually, emotionally , physically connected on so many levels together.You can stop laughing at me for being naive.The 2 tx's cheating happened within the first 3 weeks of our relationship with 2 of his ex's. Prior to me and him dating he was with one girl on and on for 5 years.(he did cheat online, and in person with 3 girls during his relationship). He had every excuse in the book to rationalize why he thought it was OK. The other one he cheated on he did tell me that he had no intention of a future.However, he did tell both these ladies that he did love them and planned a futurer with them too.To me it was all wrong and he too away my free will to a choice but here's my question.He cut things off with them when he knew I was the ONE.

Will I ever get over it? I never bring it up to him but sometimes I do get upset and think about how could he have snuck around and do this to me.I am plagued by questions that I know there is no answer. Does time really help heal? Or do you just bury the feelings and pretend that he has changed?It's been almost 2 years later and even though I don't think about it all the time, I do think about what if or is he doing this to me again? I'd love to hear some advice or how you cope and deal with these feelings. I can't talk to him about it because what's done is done. How do you reassure yourself that you know he/she loved these other people and still cheated and now won't with you


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Most Helpful Guy

  • theres two kinds of cheaters.

    type one: the one that cheats, may or may not feel bad about it, then does it again later and never really stops.

    type two: cheats once, feels terrible about it, and never does it again.

    your's is type one, leave him asap. get over him and remember that he will never deserve you.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Why would you want to stay with a man that cheated on you, especially since he rationalized it?I'm a premed psychology major, but it doesn't take any training to foresee the place to which this is headed. You won't get over it; after all, he didn't own up to what he did and just made excuses. Therefore, even if he doesn't actually cheat on you again—which, based on what he said and how he responded to you finding out, it is almost certain that he will—you will always resent him for it. The longer you stay with him, the more time you waste. As hard as it may be, I advise you to see reality and move on.

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    • Wow you really said that so well.I agreed with it all and will have no one to blame if he does itto me if I don't end it. What if because I can't end it? How would I cope and continue?You could help a lot of people on here with your info.I stayed because I love him( I know),a child,wanting to believe I must be different then the others?,the ex's were all 200-300lb because he has low self worth and low self esteem.Kicker was I gave him a chance because I felt sorry for him.lol The laugh was on me.

    • I’m not sure what you mean by “What if because I can’t end it?,” because, of course, you can; no one controls you or your actions but you. As I said he didn’t own it or want to deal with it, but made excuses and, in many ways, blamed you. People who do those things, generally, don’t change; in fact, they generally get worse.

  • Well really, I've had this with a previous partner and my wife has had it with 2 previous partners.

    Once trust and integrity have been compromised in any relationship, I'm doubtful it can ever really be restored. You can only lose your integrity once and then it's gone. Your guy has done this and this is exactly why you're continually plagued by his previous abuse of your trust.

    It's a really tough situation and by the sounds of things, he's done it many times in the past. On the surface, I'd say he is likely to betray your situation again.

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    • Did your wife or you try to make it work after you both found out in your previous relationships? It's an amazing feat to have found someone who understands and knows that type of violation.You both must really get how sacred love,trust,honor and integrity is. Really, a lot of relationships could recover from other significant things but this is way type of deception is so hurtful..

  • So you were the "one" after he cut it off? Talk to the other girls. sure they didn't just do the right thing and kicked him to the curb when they found out about the other girl (YOU).

    And how do you cheat online? that's ridiculous. don't go all catholic on his impure thoughts. just straight up tell him--that's a real d*** move to be pulling on myspace. If he agrees, he's the one. If not, he's playing you.

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    • I think you're right, thanks for the new viewpoint. Girl 1 & we were at event when she saw him she pushed him, called him a liar & told him never to contact her again.When he saw Girl 1 at the event he told me to keep it low profile to not hurt her feelings which I did. When I bumped into girl 2 she told me that he broke up with her because his dad was dying. Girl 2 knew he was lying & moved on.I see it differently now. Girl one busted him and girl 2 he was keeping on the side.

What Girls Said 10

  • I was in a similar situation dear where I found out about mai fiance' indescretions after we'd had a child and I was madly in love with him. He cheated twice and lied to me about it for our entire relationship. I tried to move past it and forgive him but I could never trust him the same. Our relationship started falling apart and I couldn't look at him the same or respect him the same. When people have a tendency for cheating and have done it multiple times without regret or remorse its highly unlikely that they'll change. And in these days you could get an std before you ever find out that they did you wrong. There really isn't a way to stop those feelings of betrayal, suspicion and disitrust because he has a record of cheating on people he claimed to love. How can you ever know that he isn't just justifying doing it to you.

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    • You know I understand where you've been How long did you guys try? Was he less secretive after you found out? Did he try to reassure you or make it seem like discussion is over?

    • He was still quite secretive and basically put me in the same situation of " what's done is done lets just move on and act like it never happened. I never got any closure and I stayed with him for a year trying to make it work mostly because of mai daughter but in the end he never changed and I was constantly worried about it happening again. He ended up blaming me for things he was guilty of and never taking responsibility for his actions. You can't recover from that.

  • I'm a firm believer in once a cheater always a cheater.

    Cheaters fall into two categories

    1. Cheats, feels bad, but since he's not caught he'll keep on cheating until caught. Men who fall into this category are Tiger Woods, John Edwards, and that one NY senator guy with the overpriced call girl whose name I forget.

    2. cheats, doesn't feel bad, will keep cheating forever if possible. Remember that politician who disappeared to "hike the Appalachian trail"? After he was caught cheating, he didn't even apologize to his poor wife and instead, he claims he was in love with his lover.

    Both categories of cheaters should be dropped like toxic waste. Run away girl and find yourself a worthy man. If you forgive him, you're wasting your own precious time and keeping yourself from finding a nice guy.

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  • This is something you must figure out on your own. What he will do in the future compared to his past is your best guess. He sure wasn't earning any points trying to rationize his cheating for sure. Good Luck

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  • you will always have it stuck in the back of your head and you will never be able to trust him as if this never happend, its happend to me before and I've tried to make it work with my x boyfriend after I found out, some days it was okay but most others I would be so upset about it. you should move on. find someone who dosnt need anyone else BUT you. because you are too good to be treated any other way!

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  • Most likely, I wouldn't take the guy back. But if I truly believed he regretted it & wouldn't do it again, I would take him back. I would insist he get tested for any STDs as those are very common.

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  • i got back with my ex-bf who cheated on me on the first place. he told me that he will change and promised me lots of things and so, I believe him. in the end, I got cheated again by the same girl :)

    as a result, cheating is a very sensitive issue for me.

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    • I'm sorry to hear that but truly deep down I feel like it could happen to me too. These type of guys rationaLIZE all different levels of cheating and accuse us of not trusting when they are the ones commiting the crime.

  • i do hope you left him, once a cheater always a cheater

    u deserve someone better..

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  • He cheats, I'm out.

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  • If you truly love him you will forgive him for everything he has done to you. Love keeps no records of wrongs,and bringing it up will just tear you two apart. So I think you are doing the right thing if you really want to stay with him. How do you forget it? Good times are greater than bad times, then hopefully all the good times will wash over your memory of the bad. good luck

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  • I would never stay with someone who cheated on me

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