Anyone here ever get stuck telling someone something saying they did not want to tell them before because -

because you didn't want hurt their feelings?

How do you deal with the contradiction? I'm usually straight forward & if something is gong to bother me for months id day it sooner rather than later because I think its disrespectful to be mad at someone for something they dot know they are doing.

But if I DON;T tell someone something because I'm worried about hurting them , I would not ever tell them way after the fact & I certainly would not tell them way after it happened & then tell them the reason was to spare their feelings before. That would mean I want to hurt them now..

Updates:
EXAMPLE :


Person says -in an irritated manner:

"You were always 'fill in the blank' "

So you say:

"If that's the case, why didn't you say this earlier?"

They say:

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings."


How can I take that seriously-Why would they bother raising it now?

#1 Whatever it is, its past. #2 IF they were really worried telling me would bother- Why would it bother me any less NOW, when I can't fix it, as apposed to back then when I could?

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  • Heh?

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    • Wel if a person says- "You were always 'fill in the blank' " - in an irritated manner.

      So you say "If that's the case, why didn't you say this earlier?"

      They say "I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

      I don't know if I can take it seriously- why would they bother raising it now? #1 its in the past.

      #2 IF it ever would have bothered me, why would it bother me any less NOW, when I can't fix it -as apposed to back then when I could?

    • Well, it seems that they are using the issue to trump you somehow? If they feel that you have a psychological upper hand or advantage over them, perhaps they are bringing up this issue to level the playing field and to knock you off your "high horse", so to speak.

    • ok thanks that makes a bit more sense :) Not that it matters lol but what they said was entirely in inaccurate. Actually if I thought I DID do that I'd understand telling me now- even if they were late in telling me, because yea sometimes things don't come out at the right time. But since it sounds like complete bs to me- It made me wonder why they'd raise it.

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