Am I on the back burner? HELP!

I broke up with fiancé more than a year ago because,we were engaged for 1 year and he never wanted to make any plans to actually get married. When I brought it up he would get angry and say, he needs time. So, I ended it and moved across the country to get a fresh start. I still love him. I've tried to date but, it never works out. I either get super clingy or just don't like the guys. My ex stills he calls me at least once a week (I never call) but, never talks about getting back together. He is planning to visit me in a few months. I don't know what he wants from me. I'm scared that I will forever be on the back burner. I'm I stupid to keep waiting?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • With respect, I disagree with Letsbereal. It seems to me that he's keeping his hooks into you. This often works to subconsciously sabotage your ability to date because it keeps you from moving forward with your life. If you made a big move cross country, that really tells you how important it is to you that the relationship moves forward. You were so upset with his procrastinating and his inability to communicate what was holding him back that you made such a major change. Yet, you're still not happy because your feelings for him are constantly being re-hashed every time he calls every week. Every week is extremely often considering the circumstance that put the distance between the two of you.

    Because of his weekly calls, this really isn't fair to call this move a fresh start. It is distinctly possible that you have problems dating now in your new life because of the things he says to you are affecting your emotions that interfere with your dating. Like it's throwing you off balance and it's difficult to be truly yourself without your ex-fiance's influence in front of these new guys.

    Now, that's not to say that I don't like long engagements. Honestly, I think they can be a good thing. But, what I don't condone are engagements that have no end in sight and that there is anger when one person wants to talk about where the relationship/engagement is going. That seems selfish to me. In my view, it indicates that he does not want to commit to you and the relationship formally but he is too selfish to let someone else have a chance at making you happy.

    I realize that I don't know either of you and I'm sure there are a ton of details and past experiences I cannot take into account. But, just based on what you've written, that's my two bits. Hope you find it useful in some way. Life is too short to wait an unknown amount of time for someone to decide whether or not they want to share a life with you.

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    • You are dead on! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. My ex called me today, and I didn't answer. I'm going on date on Sunday plus, I met another guy I'm very attracted to. This time, I'm taking it easy and not latching on. I'm getting to know these people without having my ex in the back of my mind. I'm ready to move forward for real this time. If/when I talk to my ex next, I'll ask him directly what his intentions are and if I don't like what I hear, I'll ask him not to visit.

    • I am glad my comments were helpful. You have a wonderful chance to be single again. I recommend taking the time to fully explore you who are as a person without your former significant other. If your ex-fiance truly is a friend, he would give you the space you need to figure it all out. If he doesn't, you'll know what his intentions are.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Well I don't see how you're on the back burner. When he comes out ask him what is it that he wants form you.

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